You Are What You Post Online or Be Kind and Other Things We Didn’t Learn

We tweeted it. We captioned it on Instagram. We posed, pouted and hashtagged. Be kind. An imperative we stylised and packaged until it became another lazy cliché. But did we live it? Of course not. Because that requires work.

If you cast even a cursory glance over major news sites and social media platforms, you won’t see too much of a problem. We complain, we ridicule, we speculate, we tag and we worship cats. We argue, yes, but at the very least, we see enough differences of opinion, enough people holding others accountable, enough good for the bad to be mitigated. It’s not perfect, but it’s okay.

The problems begin when you dig deeper. My daily internet consumption revolves around Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, news sites. Rinse and repeat. I rarely deviate from this cycle, except maybe to read a Wikipedia article about sea otters or the modality versus sodality parachurch dispute. I keep my content light and I keep my viewing light.

Maybe I’ve sheltered myself a little bit. I’m not naturally a confrontational person, although I do enjoy healthy debate. But I’m busy, and so my time online is spent glancing and skimming as opposed to engaging in anything particularly meaningful. The other day, as I skimmed my Twitter feed, I saw mention of a site called Tattle Life. I was bored, so I decided to have a look. And everything I thought I knew about social media changed.

I’m not naive enough to believe toxic online spaces don’t exist. I just avoid them. But when I imagined these spaces, I imagined them being filled with people who were obviously bigoted or aggressive, who wore their prejudices with pride; people you avoided at parties or in the supermarket because they exuded such virulent energy. But browsing that absolute cesspit of negativity and vitriol, I was struck by a number of things; mainly, how normal it all seemed.

For those of you who don’t know, Tattle Life is a forum, containing several different threads each discussing topics ranging from influencers and Instagram famous bloggers to current media trends and gossip. It’s like the meanest friend of Mumsnet. A thread I read on the famous Irish influencer Suzanne Jackson had hundreds of comments, pouring in only minutes apart. The comments were among the worst examples of cyber-bullying I’ve ever seen. And yes, I’m aware that sounds very SPHE teacher of me, but consider how much we hold up that the term “cyber-bully” to scrutiny. It is seen as one of the worst things you can do online. The women posting in these forums no doubt teach their kids to #BeKind and refrain from cyber bullying. And yet… the threads were relentlessly toxic pages of comments mocking this influencer’s appearance, coming up with various nicknames for her, her parents, sisters and friends, discussing her marriage, her entire life, all in the most violently spiteful manner.

And they think it’s okay. It’s acceptable. After all, influencers choose to live their lives in the open, right? They benefit from our interest and curiosity. They can’t cherry-pick what aspects of their lives we choose to discuss, can they? It’s hard to feel sorry for them when they are so content to blag freebies and show off their opulent lifestyles. Right? So it’s okay to call them names, to laugh at them, to delight when they fail, to eviscerate them in a public forum because they wore the wrong lipstick shade, or got tipsy at a public event, injected fillers into their imperfect faces or scratched their car or whatever minor transgression they committed this week. All of a sudden, two dozen comments in, the toxicity is okay. It’s allowed. Hell, it’s even funny. And we’re all doing it. Nitpicking every aspect of someone’s life and giggling conspiratorially while sipping our Chardonnay as our children sleep peacefully above us.

Step back. Step out of it. Does a thread with 267 comments tearing a woman to shreds need another comment? You have something funny to say about her knees.. is the validation from SweetiePie2011 really worth it? This is not real life but is real life. This is an echo-chamber of spiteful, toxic women who walk among us. And they probably chat with us at school-gates, they salute us in the supermarket, they like our Instagram posts only to snipe derisively at us in WhatsApp groups with their friends. This is what we have become. A society of people who will litter our Instagram feeds with posts about love and kindness and all that zen shit but will hide behind anonymous accounts to slate anyone we deem worthy of it. It unsettled me that in the sheer avalanche of negativity and derision, there was not one person, not one person, who aimed to mitigate the nastiness. It was all so normalised.

Be Kind shouldn’t be a fad. It shouldn’t be a sound bite, a hashtag, a cute post or a bandwagon. It should be an action that permeates every single interaction we have. It is more than retweets and hitting buttons. It is something to give, to do. And even if you can’t be kind, you can try not being unkind. That shouldn’t be a challenge.

Gain Attention, According to Social Media

Let’s face it; we all get a little giddy thrill when those notifications light up on our social media accounts. It’s almost akin to some sort of weirdly addictive drug. So wouldn’t it be just swell to garner even more attention on social media? With my tried and trusted tips, you’ll see results in no time!

1. Invent a new fad diet 

Everyone knows #cleaneating is where it’s at. Why not invent your own medically unsafe but totally awesome fad diet? What about the organic grass diet? Hey, if it’s good enough for cows, right? I mean, have you ever seen a cow with acne? Didn’t think so. How about the praying mantis diet? Just look at how slim those things are!

Despite what virtually all medical healthcare professionals will tell you, this is an amazing idea. Think of all those likes and prayer hands emojis you’ll get? 🙏🙏🙏

Who said you need qualifications or experience to provide nutritional advice?!

2. Invent a conspiracy theory 

What better way to generate attention online than taking an ill-informed stance against the advice and empirical research of doctors, scientists, historians, and well any so-called “expert” really. Pah, expert. What does that even mean?!

Everyone knows that scientists are only interested in being generally evil. Rumour has it that they all meet at a super creepy and pointy old castle once a year to plan how they’re going to swindle honest and decent people out of their hard-earned cash. Well, show them that you’re not going to be taken in by their fancy Harvard doctorates by claiming that eating out of your cat’s litter box gives you shiny hair. Show those pesky historians who’s boss by claiming that the CIA hired monkeys to assassinate JFK. Lee Harvey Oswald could easily have been three monkeys standing on top of each other. Or just go with the old-fashioned moon-landing hoax conspiracy, although you do risk being punched square in the face by Buzz Aldrin.

You don’t even need “proof” or “evidence” or any of that other scientific garbage. Just wild, unsupported claims that are sure to gain attention. You just watch those followers roll in.

3. Become a master of the “vague and passive aggressive” status update 

Being honest and saying what you actually mean is overrated. Why be direct and mature about something when you can just… not be. You’ll have the “u ok hun?” comments rolling in double time.

Bonus likes if you use the words “some people” or “haters” in your posts.

4. Take selfies everywhere 

Did you know you burn on average 3,000 more calories if you take a selfie at the gym? What better way to let people know that you’re better than them by posting multiple pictures of your sweat-soaked armpits all over social media, amiright?!

Don’t just confine your selfie taking to the gym. Nowhere should be off limits: Private family functions, funeral homes, attics where Jewish families hid from Nazis…go wild.

It’s what Anne Frank would want.

5. Capitalise on Tragic Events 

Whenever there’s an international event, ensure you race to social media so you can be the first to get a hashtag like #prayfor… trending. Sure, others are offering actual valuable help like shelter and food but you changed your profile picture to a flag for a week, so who’s the real hero here?

Yes, I’m a little snarky here, aren’t I? 😂 I’m guilty of some of these too, so take it with a pinch of salt. I would love to hear from you in the comments! 

The Six Most Annoying Types of Couple

1. Overly-Affectionate Couple

I’ve done a blog-post on this already so I’m just going to be really lazy here and say that this couple is the holy grail of irritating couples.  We know you love each other. You don’t need to slobber all over each other and call each other ‘honey-kins’ to prove it. Bleurgh.

2. Passive-Aggressive Couple

There is nothing more uncomfortable than being in the company of this couple. They’ve been together so long that they annoy the life out of each other but they won’t break up. This causes a tension so severe that even a puppy can’t ease it (trust me, I’ve tried). They think their back and forth digs are subtle, but in reality they’re about as subtle as Rob Reiner in a tutu. Comments like ‘we would have been here sooner, but someone took a wrong turn. Again. Ha ha ha’ make you wish that teleporting wasn’t just confined to sci-fi films.

3. No Fun Any More Couple

You know what it’s like. You remember a holiday you took with your friend a few years back. She got a tattoo on her butt and drank so much tequila you thought her blood might be replaced by pure alcohol. You decide to give her a call.

‘Oh, I can’t come out, sorry. I’m staying in with Tim tonight.’

Oh, you mean like you do EVERY OTHER NIGHT OF THE WEEK? You shed a tear for your fallen comrade and move on. She’s gone.

4. Smug Couple

This couple is very similar to overly affectionate couple except their express their superiority to everyone around them by talking rather than dry-humping. Since they forget to designate one of them to be self-important talker, they frequently finish each other’s sentences so the conversation goes a little something like this:

‘We were climbing Machu Picchu and Greg got tired. So our guide-‘

‘His name was Raoul-‘

‘So, Raoul says “If you want, I’ve got fried Tarantula legs.” So Greg says-‘

‘So, I said “I eat those all the time.” I’m so funny. Ha ha ha.’

‘He did say that. He is so funny.’

Your head will move from one face to another so much during this conversation, you may end up with whip-lash. My advice is to get very, very drunk.

5. Make-up and Break-up…and Make-up Couple

You’re nodding in solidarity with me, aren’t you? Can I get an Amen? Can I get a hell yeah? Am I pushing it? Okay, I’ll stop. But we can agree, we’ve all been a victim of this couple’s antics at one stage or another. Gather round, and I’ll tell you a story. A few years ago, my (now former) friend started going out with the village Lothario. A few months in, he cheated on her and she broke up with him. She came to my house for a bottle (or six) of wine. This is what I said:

‘He’s a creep. I’ve never liked him. You should never get back together with him.’

After a few days, I heard nothing from her. A week later, while doing my groceries, I ran into her. With him. Needless to say, it was awkward. We haven’t been friends since. I guess she didn’t appreciate my honesty. I always tell it like it is *chest bumps you*

The whole experience taught me a valuable lesson: when it comes to your friend’s relationships-lie. Or at least, without the truth. Yes, even if they ask for your opinion. Yes, even if they appear to have broken up. It’s a lie. It’s always a lie. Unless she’s murdered him, probably not a lie then.

6. We Live our Relationship on Facebook Couple

Basically take all five of the above and add a million points on the annoying meter if they are relevant…but on Facebook. There’s the ‘we live together but we still communicate through Facebook’ couple. Jack barely acknowledges my existence on Facebook (I’m crying inside). I mean why would I do this:

When I can yell ‘JACK MAKE THE TEA!’ in my big-girl voice.

And lets not forget the couple who have a little tiff (of the ‘OH MY GOD, YOU STEPPED ON THE CAT’S TAIL!’ variety) and decide to have a Facebook break up:

Ms. Overreact went from being in a relationship to single.

Oh my God, u ok hun?

1 Hour Later….

Ms. Overreact went from being single to in a relationship.

I mean, I fight with my parents but I don’t change my status to ‘orphan.’ Jeez.