This Post Doesn’t Even Merit a Title

WELL HELLLOOOOO THERE! I’m shouting because I’m so excited! It’s been so long… actually, it’s been so long I’m sure most of you have forgotten me and need reminding of who I actually am. Here’s a few prompts to get your head muscles tingling:

Cats, tequila, bad dancing, puns…

Remember me now?! No? Okay, that’s fine. Expect your dead squirrel in the mail in five to six working days. Lol, I kid. (It’ll be a live squirrel and he’ll do tricks for you.)

So…I don’t even know where to start. I guess I should start with a logical rundown on my life since I last posted since I know you all care so much. *tumbleweed… wolf howl… cricket*

-I love my job very much and feel very privileged to work in such an amazing school. I’m so happy there.

-I can’t really post about my love life but it’s all good. DM me hun 😘

-One of my dogs sadly passed away. Miss you everyday, Molly.

-I got an SUV and honestly, I’m too small for it but who cares. I feel like Cher in Clueless.

-I have to move house which has made me all kinds of antsy but illbefineomgihopeso

-My friends are amazing. That’s not really news, per se, but I just felt it needed to be said. They’re my big yellow umbrella.

Wow, I actually don’t really know what else to say. I’ve been so consumed with work, there hasn’t been time for much else, except the occasional glass of Malbec and gyration to Queen. Life is funny like that; sometimes you just live it. Months have flown by, I’ve been living alone (to an extent) and it’s been great. Other than a few minor stresses, I’ve been good. Some would say zen (except for when I get stuck behind slow moving traffic and then the sewer mouth is just unstoppable).

So, come say hi to me! I miss you all. I’m officially the world’s worst blogger but at least I’m excelling at mediocrity, right? You’re welcome, mom. 💕

Tell me what’s been going on in your world while I embroider like the lady of a medieval castle twerk to Kendrick Lamar.

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So I’m Not a Mom

Being a childless woman in your thirties isn’t always easy. I mean sure, I can sleep through the night, drink tequila on a Thursday and decide without any planning to go line dancing or ice-skating, if those were things I wanted to do. But there are downsides to my childlessness: namely, the presumptuous comments of some (of course, not all) mothers I speak to. Because I’m not one of them, I must have a wonderful life. I have such freedom, after all. I must have boundless energy. If I say I went out to the pub for a drink with friends, I’m met with ‘imagine being able to do that’. If I say that I feel a little tired because I’ve had so much overtime, I get ‘just wait till you have kids.’

Shockingly, there are women who are my age who simply don’t want to have children. That’s totally fucking fine. Not every woman has to be a mother. Not ever woman wants to be a mother. That doesn’t make her selfish or vain or proud. And what about the women who can’t have children? I can’t imagine how much senseless comments like the ones I hear on at least a weekly basis must hurt them.

Women who don’t have children are still loving, caring and compassionate. We’re not any more or any less selfish than anyone else. We have as much empathy as the next person. I remember telling someone once that I was anti-capital punishment and their response was ‘you’d think differently if you had kids’ as if I’m somehow incapable at arriving at a reasonable conclusion on the matter because I’m lacking some kind of empathy or sense of outrage that is unique to parents. Lately, I told some colleagues that I was re-reading the novel Room by Emma Donoghue. The plot is admittedly disturbing and the subject matter is dark and distressing. But it is also a well-written novel, about issues (kidnapping, rape) that occur whether we want to think about them or not. My colleagues (whom I really like, respect and get along well with) told me that they couldn’t even bring themselves to read the book. Fair enough, I thought. It is a tough read and not for everyone. But then the conversation turned into six mothers versus me. They told me that because they’re mothers, the thought of reading such a novel is particularly disturbing. I agree; it would be very difficult and you would naturally think of your own children in such a situation and that would be enough to cause you to avoid such narratives. But they didn’t stop there. I was met with comments like ‘you’ll understand when you have kids’ (which I probably just should get tattooed on my forehead) and ‘ god imagine being able to read books like that!’ I was made to feel as if I was some sadistic, voyeuristic sociopath who thrives on the suffering of fictional children. I just choose not to shield myself from difficult realities in life. Paintings by renaissance or impressionist artists can be disturbing and convey great suffering but they can still be beautiful. The same goes for literature and for movies. Appreciating them doesn’t make me some kind of psychopath.

And just because I don’t have children does not make me immune to outrage, shock, pain, compassion or disgust.

I don’t want anyone to think that I’m having a go at mothers or motherhood. Most mothers I know (my friends and my sister and sister-in-law, for example) serve as great inspirations to me. They’re exactly what I aspire to be if and when I decide to have kids. Even the mothers that do pass thoughtless comments don’t do it out of malice or spite, I know that. Mothers can be wonderful, resilient, kind, beautiful, brave people. Non-mothers can be just as wonderful, just as resilient, just as kind, beautiful and brave.

We are all women, different and the same, and we need to support each other and each other’s choices.

No WordPress Makes Jane a Dull Girl

Well hello there everyone! It feels like it’s been forever, even though it’s only been……*counts on fingers, takes out calculator, writes complex equations on bathroom wall*…….

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….er, some time. It’s only been some time. You guys will not believe what happened. First my iPhone 6 broke and I rocked back and forth in the shower with ice-cream for a week for an hour. Then my laptop broke. Then I broke most definitely did not break Jack’s laptop, it just exploded…when I was on it, most definitely not overheating the motherboard…

I didn't do it....

I didn’t do it….

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At the same time, the WordPress app in the Windows store stopped functioning properly so long story short, I HAD NO ACCESS TO MY WORDPRESS ACCOUNT. If anyone ever wants a head’s up on what hell is like *whispers solemnly*….

I’ve been there…..

Having no WordPress meant I was able to focus on my chores:

CHURN DOWN FOR WHAT!?

CHURN DOWN FOR WHAT!?

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Today, Jack got a new laptop so I’m back to annoying you all *pokes you repeatedly* Eh? EH?

Sure, he has a PhD thesis to do but I have a blog where I talk about owls, farting and pie so I think we all know who needs this laptop more…

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Anywho, now that I have access to the WordPress again, I can regale you all with tales of my fascinating life, like the day last week when I accidentally put two sugars in my tea instead of one…woah, that was a crazy, crazy day.

I also want to take the opportunity to say hello to my very bestest friend who finally knows about my blog after only TWO YEARS. I have to be nice to her though, because she could destroy me…she knows A LOT of things. So hello, dearest friend F!

I’m trying to catch up with all of your amazing blogs at the moment guys, and having a lot of fun doing it 🙂 Have a great weekend all! BEAR HUGS xoxoxo

I have a little favour to ask you oh friends of the internet

I had planned this hilarious* post about my recent trips to the doctor. Instead, I’ve conceded defeat to my mystery illness and am currently doped up on antibiotics, painkillers, folic acid and seizure meds while dancing with an elephant. While I curse my family’s genes and wonder why I’ve been bred like a junkyard mongrel, I have one special favour to ask you guys.

The Irish Blog Awards are taking place soon and they are currently accepting nominations.
Now I don’t want to ask you guys to nominate me. That’s right, I don’t want to ask you guys. Hint hint. Cough cough. Nudge nudge. Wink wink. Hula dances towards you. Okay, so maybe I would like to be nominated, I probably didn’t make that obvious enough. I can put away the coconut bikini now.

If you would like to nominate me, you can click here. Since there doesn’t seem to be an owl category, I guess I’ll have to fit into humour, because according to my imaginary friend Sally,
I’m a funny gal. If you don’t want to nominate me, that’s cool, I won’t send my flea-infested flying monkeys after you. What? I said I won’t.

To be serious for a second (FYI, it’ll be more than a second) I have been unwell lately and I don’t know what’s wrong. You could say I’m going for the sympathy vote here, and you’d be right. I am.

Anyone who does nominate me, I sincerely thank you. When I get better, I will dedicate my next dance fight to you.

So please help me look like this:

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Jurassic Park B***hes!
And don’t make me do this:

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That was the best blog post about owls of all time, OF ALL TIME!

Thanks guys,
I’m going to take a little rest for a while but I’ll be back (said in a very non-threatening manner).

*I bought my own pee. Trust me, it was hilarious.

I should probably add that nominations close tomorrow, but whatever. *stares intently at you*

You will need the following info:
My email is cupidorcats@hotmail.com and I live in Co. Roscommon.

That will make stalking me a lot easier.

Cupid or Cats is one year old today*

This blog is one year old today! I just want to say a massive thank you and give an awkward arm punch to all of my wonderful followers, commenters and likers for sharing this weird and wacky journey with me.

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I decided that for my blogaversary, I would do a blog Q&A, with myself…because, well you already know weird is how I roll.

Hey Jane.

Hey, Janey. Wait, am I Jane or Janey?

It doesn’t matter. Man, you’re annoying sometimes.

Ditto, bitch.

Well, we’d better get started. Why did you begin blogging?

It was actually my boyfriend’s idea. I was always either ranting or making silly jokes, and he felt that a receptive audience would be a lot better than just him and our cat. My cat thinks I’m s**t, by the way.
Anyway, I was going through a tough time and I thought it would be a great way of expressing myself.

Does your blog have a niche or a theme? Because it seems random as hell.

Originally, I had intended it to be a relationship blog but then my brain got in the way (wearing a bikini and being all distracting) and was like “no Jane, talk about farts, talk about owls…” so yeah, that idea quickly went out the window (along with my dignity).
Now, I just write whatever makes me smile. Essentially, I just want blogging to make me happy. I’m selfish like that.

You’re a teacher. Why don’t you blog about that?

Occasionally, I’ll mention it. It is a big part of who I am, but this was intended as an escape from all of that. I love my job, I do. And I try to be fun in class and have a laugh with my students, but obviously I have to be professional. Here I can just be whatever I want, including a ballerina. *does awkward arabesque*
I know that if I had a proper niche, I would have more followers but I never began this to gain thousands of followers; I did this for stress release.

Why the name Cupid or Cats?

I don’t know. I really don’t. It just came into my head. I think it was because, like I said, it was supposed to be a relationship blog. And I thought I want people in relationships (who’ve been hit by Cupid’s arrow) and single people (erm, I don’t know what to say without offending anyone so here’s a picture of a happy kitten:)

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…to read my blog. By the way, I once had, like, five cats so what do I know?
And anyway, if I keep blowing foghorns in my boyfriend’s ears, this is what will happen to me:

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Smooth Jane. Really smooth. So, be honest, what do you like best and
least about blogging?

Best: The people. Really.
I have met funny, kind, intelligent, insightful, loving, cheeky and generally BRILLIANT people here. It’s great, because we are all united in our desire to say something relevant and to listen to others.
I can’t really believe how nice anyone is. Or how engaged people are. We have lots of fun on here.

Worst: Ugh. That’s tough. Sometimes I read blogs that are just amazing and I know I’ll never measure up. But then I look at owl memes and I feel okay.
Also, keeping up with all the blogs I follow can be difficult and I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t value what they do. I try my best. I get a little paranoid that people will think I’m a selfish blogger, but really I make as best an attempt as I can to catch up with all of you. I reply to virtually every single comment I receive because I appreciate them so much. And also, because they’re always great and make me smile.
Something happened lately that has upset me a little, but I’m not going to discuss it here (sorry). It just made me realise that there definitely are downsides to this blogging malarkey.
But the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

How do most people find your blog?

Through Google searches about farting. No joke.

That’s weird. So, how does your boyfriend feel about all of this?

He doesn’t really care either way because he’s so busy with his PhD. He does like what I write whenever he happens to read my posts, though.
Sometimes he even laughs.

Does anyone else know about your blog?

Yes, I drunkenly confessed to a friend but I doubt she reads it much. She’s cool though, I trust her and I don’t mind her reading it at all.
I also think I told my best friend but she didn’t really say anything at all.
There is no way I would tell anyone else, though. My family would not be impressed (they’re great, but very private) and I would be really paranoid I’ve written something negative about someone that would cause offense, so I won’t be sharing this blog with anyone else in my personal life.

Why the picture of yourself then?

I think the chances of someone that I know stumbling across my blog are very small. I probably will change it, but I’m lazy.
I like that my readers can put a face to my blog, even if I do look super-bitchy in my gravatar. M to the e-ow.

What do you think is wrong with your blog?

Nothing, of course.

Jane, stop being an ass.

Okay, I was kidding. I thought you of all people would know that.
I have no grand plan or scheme, I don’t edit my posts, I write exclusively on my phone, I post too much…okay, now everyone is just going to unfollow me. Thanks, Jane. (Little do they know, every time someone unfollows me, a dolphin cries.)

So Jane, how’s your Mom heh heh heh…

What are you talking about? She’s your Mom too, smartass.

Oh yeah. That’s embarrassing. . So what do you think the future holds for your blog?

I don’t know. I want to tidy it up a little and maybe include some features.
If I ever get to 1000 followers, and that’s a big if, I’m going to do something really really special. It’ll probably be a while before that happens but let’s just say, it going to involve me, wine, maybe some karaoke and a camera. Oh yeah.

That should class up the place a bit Jane..

Natch.

So, that’s a whole year guys. Here’s to a whole bunch more.

*Technically, it’s tomorrow. But the idea was born on the fifth and….look over there…*runs*

Not the post I had intended, but…

So I had this post all written up and ready to go. And it disappeared.
It was about independence, there was pictures of Beyoncé and sea otters and me singing (with words…trust me, you would have sung along). AND IT’S GONE.

Needless to say, I was pissed. While my posts aren’t exactly top quality (you know I write them on my phone, while intermittently playing Candy Crush, drinking coffee/wine and throwing papers at my cat) and I won’t exactly be winning Pulitzer Prizes anytime soon (but wouldn’t that be SO COOL?!), I still love this blog and I love writing up my weird and random posts. Perhaps it’s revenge for being so blasé about it all. Boo, WordPress, boo.

So instead, I’ve just decided to throw together some of the thoughts that have run through my head today and maybe you can tell me what you’ve been thinking about and then we can have internet cake? Got it? Good.

1. I did a Luis Suarez impression for Jack but he thought I was impersonating Bette Midler. Typical.

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2. Jack handed me a giant bread roll filled with chicken while I was watching TV and I was holding it like I imagine Hamlet held Yorick’s skull, wondering whether the 45 minutes on the cross trainer would be worth it, because carbs.
One of my former students happened to walk past my window, with a look of “why the hell is she staring at her food like that…oh yeah, because she’s weird.”

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3. Girls really can be crazy. I met a guy in a bar about a month ago who was also a teacher. He happens to be a friend of a friend. We talked about our jobs, and I talked to him about my boyfriend. Literally, all we did was talk about our work (he’s also an English and history teacher).
Our mutual friend called me today to tell me that his girlfriend had been watching us and went insane and they had a massive fight that lasted weeks. I felt bad for about ten seconds, and then realised that it was completely innocent and she’s just cray cray. Maybe I should stop wearing hoochie lipstick?

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Apparently these are the lips that will ruin your life…

4. I am one step closer to becoming BFFs with Chris O’ Dowd because my boyfriend and his Dad are friendly (they’re even Facebook friends). I keep asking when it will become acceptable to show up at their house with a six pack and apple pie.

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SOOOOONNNN

5. I love my nieces. I spent a RIDICULOUS amount of money on them today and now I’m poor, but hey, who needs clothes? AMIRIGHT?

6. Jack thought “polo necks” were actually called “polar necks” and I realised that kinda makes sense.

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7. We have a drink in Ireland called Cidona and it’s amazing.

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I want it on me.

8. My other friend rang me wanting to know if she could put up pictures from a few years back of me on Facebook. I’m pole dancing upside down.
So no.
She did send me this picture, taken when I was 18 on her brick phone (it was huuuuge). Don’t I look like a moody cow? And I really miss that Rolling Stones top.

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9. Squirrels are basically land beavers. Swans are basically posh ducks.

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Look at him there, the snob.

10. I had to get my driving licence renewed and the guy processing my application thought I was crazy. After I got my picture taken (it was the WORST picture of me taken EVER. In fact, it might just be the worst picture taken EVER) all I could think of was this pic:

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I literally burst out laughing in the guy’s face. And I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t. He looked really confused.

So that was my day today.
Tell me about yours!

P.S. Here’s the picture of the sea otters because I love you guys.

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10 Things I’ve Noticed About Blogging

There is no way I am in a position to give blogging tips (I use my phone to blog and have often written posts upside down for the love of Pete!) but there are certain things I have noticed about blogging and WordPress since I began nearly a year ago. Things that have made me happy, sad, irritated, confused, amused, emotional…basically, all the feelings a woman experiences in a ten minute time frame.

I decided to compile a list of the most obvious things I’ve noticed about this wonderful blogging world of ours:

1. WordPress is a really nice place

I have never met anyone here who has been unkind to me. I have never received a nasty comment either…which is a shame in a way because I have some killer comebacks.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over all my awesomeness.”

“You’re pretty arrogant for someone whose wearing a tutu. At least, in my imagination you’re wearing one.”

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2. Some of you guys are reeeeally talented

Did I say some? Because I meant all. *Backs slowly out of room*

But really, some of you guys are so talented that I get really intimidated, panic and then post pictures of owls.

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Luckily, this owl thinks I’m *hilaaarious*

3. Sometimes people magically like my posts without actually reading them

Because my posts are JUST THAT AMAZING! You don’t even have to read them. You just know.
I could actually write the word “badger” over and over here and I bet I would still get likes.
I know most of you do read my posts (right, RIGHT?) so I’ll continue.

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Hey, ever notice badgers look like a mixture of a dog and a pig? I’m cool, I swear.

4. It gets hard to keep up with everyone’s blogs…

…but you guys are worth it. Especially you. And on a completely unrelated side note, here’s a picture of Kurt Cobain dressed as a cheerleader because…why not?

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5. You can get alone just fine with someone whose opinions you don’t entirely agree with

Firstly, I’m not going to tell you how long it took me to spell opinions correctly there. Let’s just say, I was so
off that even autocorrect didn’t know what the heck I was saying….

Anyway, I have a lot of followers/people I follow whose opinions on certain topics don’t necessarily correlate with my own (oh sure brain, you can spell correlate but not opinion?) and I still get on fine and dandy with them. Why? Because if you’re fundamentally a good person, with an open mind, I will be your friend. Especially if you like owls (this is getting owl of hand…har har har).
On a completely unrelated note, this:

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6. It’s probably not advisable to get hammered and get post happy

…not that I’d know *awkward face*

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7. Accidentally deleting a draft is the most infuriating thing ever

I can’t even talk about this, let’s just say:

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8. Getting a new follower feels like:

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Er, I mean (be cool Jane…) it’s more like…

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Who am I kidding? It’s the first one. I love you guys.

9. Sometimes comments go to spam which means I don’t reply

This makes me sad.

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Okay, so this picture is totally not appropriate for what I’m trying to say but…Ryan Gosling

10. Your comments are my favourite thing in the world and make me feel like…

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Wait, your comments make me feel like I’ve just participated in a laborious yet ingenious prison break after I’ve been falsely accused of my wife and her lover’s murder and I’m standing topless in the rain?
Makes sense.

What have you noticed about blogging since you began?

Writing Process Blog Tour

Aisha over at The Hashtag Generation and Minnie over at A Minnie Blog have chosen me to partake in a little post to describe the process I go through when writing posts for my blog. I can assure you that it is extremely physical and strenuous. Ahem.
BE
Basically, it’s like this but with less old Chinese men….

Aisha and Minnie’s blogs are both great and their posts (which I’ve linked to above) will give you a little more insight into their blogs.

Basically the writing process blog tour is a way for bloggers to give a little insight into their own blogs. There are four questions to answer, and you then nominate three bloggers who carry on the tour exactly a week later? So in Irish time, I’ve got very little time to finish this argh!

So, let’s begin:

1. What are you working on?

Well, I just made lasagne….oh, my blog…right. I’m actually working on improving my blog a little over the summer. I would like a little more structure to it. I’m just going to clean it up a bit and organise it a little better, although organisation is not exactly my strong suit. You guys need to see my shoe closet.

I would like to do more collaborative stuff, or even have guest posters so if you’re interested, you know what to do. Oh, you don’t? EMAIL MEEEE!

2.How does your work differ from other’s in its genre?

The thing is, I don’t necessarily look at myself as having a “genre”. I have talked about such a wide variety of topics that I don’t really know where I belong here. *Goes to cry in the shower*
I suppose I would like to think that I have a good sense of humour, that I’m very laid back about this whole thing, but that I also try to write about serious topics…sometimes. I’ve said this before, but the best compliment for me is knowing that I’ve made someone laugh or even smile. Why am I suddenly sounding like Miss World?

3.Why do you write what you do?

In case any of you don’t know, I’m a teacher. I love my job, but maaaan, it’s stressful. When I began this blog, I was going through a very difficult time in my life (seriously Miss World, f**k off!) and I suppose I just wanted an outlet. My “real” life often requires me to be very serious and responsible and I suppose I just wanted a place where I could be weird and silly. I never, ever thought people would actually read this. So, from the bottom of my aortic pump, THANK YOU.

4. How does your writing process work?

Okay. I have to be honest here. This post is one of the first times that I have ever used a laptop to write a post. I ALWAYS use my phone. I know this will seem a little strange to you all, but there’s a reason for it.

When I first started, I had a laptop. After a few days, it broke. Jack is doing a PhD, so he uses his all the time. I got comfortable using my phone, and I just haven’t really gone back.

So, how do I get inspiration for posts I hear no one ask? Well, it could come from anywhere. I might see a beautiful rainbow and think “man, I love owls” or I might see a sunset and think “I’m going to write about my mad karaoke skills.” It’s a rich tapestry.

Blogs I am going to choose to continue the tour:
(If you don’t wish to participate, or have been chosen to already, there’s no hassle in the castle)

Julie from Musings From a Workaholic

V from The Verbal Spew Review

Tara from Love from Tara

Ladies, if you are so inclined, you continue the tour with the same questions in one week.

Also, a big thank you and hug to Sarah Kirkland from Falling with Style for the Dragon’s Loyalty Award and to Cheryl from Tropical Affair for the Quintet of Radiance Award. You guys are so getting virtual internet pie. You. Are. Welcome.

TWO MINUTES BEFORE MIDNIGHT. Winning.

Famous quotes with a twist

Everyone loves a good ole inspirational or famous literary quote. Everyone knows that if you frequently quote Oscar Wilde you appear 99% more intelligent. Or is that douchey? I can never remember. (I do love me some Oscar. I even named my dog after him, and definitely not Oscar the Grouch. Ahem.) My Facebook tends to be littered with quotes. There are two problems I have with this:

1. How do we know the quoted person is actually responsible for saying the quote? It could even be entirely fictional. Some are pretty easy to spot:

Bitches be trippin’.
-Abraham Lincoln

But then there’s those quotes where people just accept as genuine. Take the recently viral “Brad Pitt” letter about his wife. You know, the one that begins with “My wife got sick…” I must have seen this letter on my newsfeed ten or more times in one day. Rather than check it’s authenticity, my friends just keep on liking and sharing. It is, of course, fake.

2. Quotes are often more cliched than George Clooney with a young model. You know that over-quoted “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure…” Marilyn Monroe quote? If I see it one more time…

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So to counteract all of this, I thought I would change up some of the most famous quotes of all time. Because I’m interesting like that.

1. If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants

Great quote often attributed to Issac Newton. I still think he should have said:

If I have seen further, it’s because I just got a bitchin pair of binoculars.

Better right?

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2. This above all: to thine own self be true

That’s nice and all Shakespeare, but because the quote comes from Polonius, it’s completely hypocritical. While he’s dishing out the advice, he should’ve said

This above all: her bum never looks big in this.

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3. IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Oh Jane Austen, you satirical so and so you. But while we’re universally acknowledging truths, couldn’t we also go with:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a new pair of scissors will come in a packet that requires a scissors to open it.

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What a lovely pair of…scissors.

Or

It is a truth universally acknowledged that googling symptoms will result in you planning your own funeral.

So many universal truths, so little time.

What about you reader? What’s your favourite quote and how would you reword it? Let me know in the comments!