How the hell are we??

My life has been a bit currrrazaaay lately (two syllables just didn’t seem like enough, ya know?)

I mean, I don’t even know where to start. I’m still teaching (I like to imagine myself as a non-magical Dumbledore). I am LOVING living alone because, well, naked cleaning. I am probably partying too much, but hey, it never killed anyone, right? (Okay, it’s killed a lot of people, but I’ve made it to 31 and I once attacked a toaster with a knife so I figure I’m lucky to have gotten this far). I’ve gone even blonder. I got my best friend a cat because I’m sound as hell. I’m getting a new tattoo. My friend had a baby. I’m getting another piercing. My cats have mastered teleportation (probably). I got a financial windfall and I’m planning to travel, maybe. Someone sent me flowers and I have no fucking idea who but my cat ate them. I FINALLY finished Ulysses. I started properly writing again and I love it. My friends are all amazing and I never need anything else as long as I have them, except maybe wine, chocolate and cats. And gifs of people falling over. I’ve been doing things I never would have done a year ago. I’ve opened myself up to new experiences, new people, new places. And it’s pretty great.

So that’s been my life. I’ve never felt happier. Sure, the anxiety kicks in every so often. I doubt myself. I doubt my decisions. But most of the time, I’m smiling. I’m laughing. I’m dancing to Carly Rae Jepsen.

That’s the thing about challenges; how you react to them is what defines you. Shit will happen. You can’t always prevent it from happening. But you can choose how you react to it. I’ve chosen to live. To really live. I analyse less and do more. It’s not always smart but it feels good. It feels right, right now at least.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and say hello. I hope that you are having a peaceful day, whoever you may be and wherever you may be reading this from. Join me in some fancy internet tea and I’ll let you pet my cat which is not a euphemism, you deviant.

And I’m Okay

Hi there!

I just wanted to update you all because I’ve gotten a few sweet sympathy emails and I wanted to say a) thank you, you beautiful people and b) I’m not drowning in a sea of merlot and cookie dough ice cream (but what a sea that would be…) But yeah, I’m good.

I’m currently on holidays from work for two, count ’em, TWO weeks…which means that I’m planning to do lots of fun things, like travel around the country in my crap car, while listening to podcasts and taking pictures on my Polaroid. Or visit a dark sky reserve with my darling little telescope. Or I’ll just lie on my sofa staring at my feet and listening to death metal.

Whatever I do, it’ll be fun. And that’s what I need. I could also do with a travel companion who will stop me from accidentally driving off a cliff (again…dammit) so if you know anyone (preferably Tom Hardy but I’m willing to settle) then hit me up.

In other news, I’m looking at traveling for the summer. I have no idea where, but sure isn’t that half the fun? My job means that I have the freedom to do it so why not? My job also means that I have perfected a passive-aggressive look of disdain, but mostly the freedom thing.

If you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them! Let me dream for a little while…

There’s so much more that’s been going on in my life. But that’s for another day. Right now, I’m reading the poetry of Byron from a 105 year old book while simultaneously watching Jeremy Kyle. Because classy. Seriously though, the combination is amazing.

Enough about me. How is all with you? What have you been up to? Did you know that goats are actually just male sheep? Probably?

Kisses and hugs that linger for too long xxx

P.S. I was reminded of this scene from The Simpsons on FB today…how amazing/emotionally traumatising is it?!

Homer’s Mother Leaves

Well, bye.

WordPress Vs Facebook

I’m not writing this to be like that suck-up in class who tells the teacher her perfume is nice or that she forgot to give homework; I’m just being honest: WordPress is so much better than Facebook.

Of course, they are very different in many ways and perhaps it’s like comparing apples and oranges but I have noticed that I prefer coming on
and creeping on strangers on WordPress than I do on Facebook, so there’s that.

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Firstly, I find Facebook irritates me more than it provides me with entertainment (which was your ONE JOB, Zukerberg). As I navigate my way through my newsfeed, I find myself experiencing a mixture of revulsion, impatience, weariness, afore-mentioned irritation, downright anger and general face-palminess (which is a term I just invented, believe it or not. Feel free to add it to the dictionary, people from Oxford’s).

I resign myself to the fact that there are far too many people in my friend’s list whom I have ZERO in common with. I suppose I accept friend requests far too readily; I end up friending people I once met briefly at the hairdressers or took a week of Spanish with once (hola, Raquel). I feel like I can’t unfriend these people because of my serious attachment issues. (Curse you, mother. Joking, I love you mom.) The fact is that I’m just too damn nice. So instead I end up muttering all kinds of smart arsed retorts to their gradually more irritating status updates but not actually doing anything productive about it. Oh, Facebook.

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Those of you who might be reading this thinking ‘wow, she’s sure being mean about her friends!’, I just want to say one thing: I’m not mean. I’m actually very nice, dammit. But I do have a finite amount of patience. Apparently it ends as ‘1 like=1 prayer’ memes. For every person’s updates I hide, more crop up to pester me.
I’ll give you a run through of the worst offenders:

1. A girl from school who posts up every detail of her personal life so that I now know more about her than her actual mother. Who just got a new dog, FYI. I also know that her ex boyfriend cheated on her but ‘he’s an idiot anyway’ and that his mother ‘better stop getting involved’ in all her problems. I’m thinking of buying her a diary.

2. Another girl I know who constantly posts up memes of sick/dying children. I don’t want to sound insensitive but this is misery porn at its finest. I also know that this girl has never done anything remotely charitable in her life.

3. A guy that I once knew through a friend who is the king of passive-aggressive. His status updates are of the ‘SOME people…’ ilk. Shudder.

4. The selfie-queen whose anatomy I know better than my own. Disturbs me greatly, this does.

5. The girl I knew through a college friend who I haven’t spoken to in six years and who is the most aggressive person I have ever come across on social media. Here’s a taster from the other day:

Sooo sik f ur shit. Ur such a spa n no1 act lyks u neway so I cud car lez wat u tnk

Is that English? Or Klingon? Anyway, I did actually unfriend her because she scares me.

So you guys get where I’m coming from. There are lots more of these irritating fiends: the friend who constantly brags about her fantastic life, the friend who gives Plato a run for his money in the philosophy stakes (she actually once wrote “if the sky is blue, why is my heart so black?”…I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself) and the one whose constant check-ins to different places make me feel all kinds of inadequate.

I know I could just leave Facebook. Well, actually I can’t. It’s like chocolate: I know it’s rubbish. I know it’s bad for me and turns me into the worst version of myself, but man it’s addictive! I also have some brilliant friends far away and *grudgingly* I suppose it’s a good way for me to keep in touch with them. But you’re walking a fine line, Zukerberg.

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So that brings me to WordPress. One of the many reasons I decided to join was because of my frustration with Facebook. I wanted a new outlet to express myself and I felt that Stacey, the girl whose wedding I crashed on holidays, probably wouldn’t appreciate my random thoughts and opinions on, well, everything. I also felt that I wanted some level of interaction from like-minded people, which I have found here.

I really do enjoy WordPress. When I’m not writing ridiculously silly blog entries and not being judged by people I will run into in the supermarket, I’m scanning through the reader, heartily laughing at the brilliantly witty and wonderfully unique entries from complete strangers. Gone is scarily aggressive poor speller girl. In her place are funny, intelligent and equally unusual people. I say unusual because ‘weird’ might be insulting, but some of you guys even give me a run for my money in the crazy stakes. Which I love, by the way.

I can be a better version of myself here (I know what you’re thinking: “if this is better, what the hell is worse?” A photo of me falling down a mountain is. Don’t ever say I’m not honest).

I also enjoy all the lovely and frankly, random interactions I’ve had. I like to see peoples’ thoughts and opinions on matters, thoughts and opinions that stretch past commenting ‘LOL’ under everything.

My basic point (it’s taken me a while to get here, but it’s been a nice journey) is that we, us, YEAH YOU, we’re INTERESTING. We’re better than just a few words in a status update or a recycled George Takei meme. I know I’ve even put a few memes up here myself, but give me a break, I can’t be hilarious all the time. Hello? HELLO? Is this thing on?

My friends are questioning my more frequent and prolonged absences from Facebook. They no nothing of my double life here on WordPress. That, dear readers, is our little secret. I feel dirty. Dirty and good.

So, continue being great fellow WordPressers. Don’t make me go bitch about you on my Tumblr.