Yes

I long for the days that I was able to roll out of bed after a less than sober night and spring into immediate action; cooking my gals a greasy breakfast and cringing with them over our less-than-ladylike antics the previous night. Nowadays, I’m lucky if I can utter anything more than a mono syllable. Springing out of bed post- bender is still nothing but a dream *stares wistfully into the distance* in fact, rolling out of bed and landing on the rug is even a little ambitious. 

A wiser woman would know that there’s a lesson to be learned here somewhere right? And that lesson is…I JUST WON’T GO TO BED AT ALL. NO, that’s not it…oh right, I should stop getting unmercifully pissed and learn to drink responsibly. Which, to be fair, I am capable of. My problem is that nowadays I’m lucky if I go on two or three nights out in the whole year, so when I do…well, the four horsemen of the apocalypse actually follow me around, you know, just in case. 

So lesson one of my thirties?? NO MORE DOUBLES. JUST….NO JANE. BAD JANE. 

Makes Sense 

I feel happy. And pretty carefree. Probably because I just had tea and a biscuit which usually results in a sugar-induced euphoria. Anyways, I hope you guys are having a wonderful Monday (I’m sure it’s possible) and I’m going to spin in a circle with my hand extended so everyone gets a high-five. Here’s my thought of the day: 

Not the post I had intended, but…

So I had this post all written up and ready to go. And it disappeared.
It was about independence, there was pictures of Beyoncé and sea otters and me singing (with words…trust me, you would have sung along). AND IT’S GONE.

Needless to say, I was pissed. While my posts aren’t exactly top quality (you know I write them on my phone, while intermittently playing Candy Crush, drinking coffee/wine and throwing papers at my cat) and I won’t exactly be winning Pulitzer Prizes anytime soon (but wouldn’t that be SO COOL?!), I still love this blog and I love writing up my weird and random posts. Perhaps it’s revenge for being so blasé about it all. Boo, WordPress, boo.

So instead, I’ve just decided to throw together some of the thoughts that have run through my head today and maybe you can tell me what you’ve been thinking about and then we can have internet cake? Got it? Good.

1. I did a Luis Suarez impression for Jack but he thought I was impersonating Bette Midler. Typical.

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2. Jack handed me a giant bread roll filled with chicken while I was watching TV and I was holding it like I imagine Hamlet held Yorick’s skull, wondering whether the 45 minutes on the cross trainer would be worth it, because carbs.
One of my former students happened to walk past my window, with a look of “why the hell is she staring at her food like that…oh yeah, because she’s weird.”

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3. Girls really can be crazy. I met a guy in a bar about a month ago who was also a teacher. He happens to be a friend of a friend. We talked about our jobs, and I talked to him about my boyfriend. Literally, all we did was talk about our work (he’s also an English and history teacher).
Our mutual friend called me today to tell me that his girlfriend had been watching us and went insane and they had a massive fight that lasted weeks. I felt bad for about ten seconds, and then realised that it was completely innocent and she’s just cray cray. Maybe I should stop wearing hoochie lipstick?

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Apparently these are the lips that will ruin your life…

4. I am one step closer to becoming BFFs with Chris O’ Dowd because my boyfriend and his Dad are friendly (they’re even Facebook friends). I keep asking when it will become acceptable to show up at their house with a six pack and apple pie.

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SOOOOONNNN

5. I love my nieces. I spent a RIDICULOUS amount of money on them today and now I’m poor, but hey, who needs clothes? AMIRIGHT?

6. Jack thought “polo necks” were actually called “polar necks” and I realised that kinda makes sense.

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7. We have a drink in Ireland called Cidona and it’s amazing.

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I want it on me.

8. My other friend rang me wanting to know if she could put up pictures from a few years back of me on Facebook. I’m pole dancing upside down.
So no.
She did send me this picture, taken when I was 18 on her brick phone (it was huuuuge). Don’t I look like a moody cow? And I really miss that Rolling Stones top.

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9. Squirrels are basically land beavers. Swans are basically posh ducks.

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Look at him there, the snob.

10. I had to get my driving licence renewed and the guy processing my application thought I was crazy. After I got my picture taken (it was the WORST picture of me taken EVER. In fact, it might just be the worst picture taken EVER) all I could think of was this pic:

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I literally burst out laughing in the guy’s face. And I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t. He looked really confused.

So that was my day today.
Tell me about yours!

P.S. Here’s the picture of the sea otters because I love you guys.

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