I know, I know… I did it again….

…you know, that thing I do where I disappear for a while. One of these days, Kathy Bates is going to kidnap me and force me to write blog posts (if you do not get that reference, I can’t really help you, but I can give you cake. Here you go). 

So I’m going to have a mega post coming up soon which you can either read, or not read and do something more constructive with your time (may I suggest prank phone calls?). It’s your call.

Anywho, for now, I’m just checking in, saying hello and reassuring you all that I’m still very much alive and my brain is still sending me weird thoughts, like, can giraffes drink coffee? Because I would imagine it would get pretty cold by the time it reaches their stomach? Great, now I’m not going to sleep tonight. 

In summary, I have missed you all and we’ll have lots of chats real soon 💙💜❤️

Too lazy to think of funny title

Even though I’m on work holidays, I got up early this morning.

*pauses*

Erm, I was kinda expecting enthusiastic applause there… but whatever.

I put on my new jogging pants. I even put on a sports bra and my Nike hoodie. I slipped into my Puma running shoes. I was PUMPED.

Then I went to my sofa and watched three hours of trashy TV while eating M&Ms. But I was like dressed like a jogger, so that has to count for something, right?

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I did, however, write a very serious and grownup blog post that I’ll put up later. But first…

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Wanna come throw popcorn at malfunctioning appliances and mumble in monosyllables with me? You can have the red M&Ms. I don’t want them.

What are you doing today?

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In the words of a wise old sage otherwise known as ‘R. Kelly’ it’s “the freakin’ weekend”. Usually, I’m working my way through a mound of paper work and student essays, but today, I’m relaxing. Mostly because if I read another short story where one of my teenage students happens across a member of One Direction and somehow ends up simultaneously marrying them all, I will go (more) insane.

As I write this, my West Highland Terrier is curled up beside me in bed, (he’s not usually allowed, but it’s stormy) and my cat is staring enviously at him, possibly plotting his death or something equally insidious.

Today marks the first day of the Six Nations rugby tournament, which is basically a competition between Ireland, England, Scotland, Wales, France and Italy. As some of you may know, rugby is another one of my passions (along with history, literature, animals and general weirdness). Today, there are two matches to keep me busy shouting obscenities at the television.

I plan on vegging out on the couch (there will be no actual vegetables involved, wait…is wine a vegetable?) and just taking it easy. My cat may or may not attempt to cause me grievous bodily harm, Jack will more than likely be working on his thesis and I will probably end up making another shepherd’s pie (we are addicted). All in all, a pretty mundane day lies ahead of me but the rest of my life is so incredibly exciting that I need a day off every now and again.*

What are your plans for today?

*Definitely not a lie

Why I can’t do Zero to Hero

So, my Christmas holidays are over and I’m heading back to work tomorrow. That means a lot less posting. I’m guessing that’s a relief for those of you whose reader I have literally invaded with a constant stream of insanity. I just had a lot of free time and Red Bull; never a good combination. My posting will be less frequent, but I’m like the clingy friend you made in school: I JUST WON’T GO AWAY.

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I just wanted to write one more post before I fade back into obscurity because I’m such a maverick. I’m like the wind baby, etc…

You’d have to be living under a rock, a Tibetan monk or a female member of Abba not to notice that 82.5% of bloggers (I may have made that statistic up) seem to be doing the ‘Zero to Hero’ WordPress challenge.

Let me just say, I think it’s a great idea. I actually wish I could partake in it, particularly because my blog is a bit misshapen and also because crazy Joe two doors down who tells people he’s actually Elvis has more followers than my blog does (but that’s ok, I don’t mind)

My face right now:

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Zero to Hero probably would really benefit me, just like squats would, or carrots, or self esteem. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it.

Why, you might ask. Why are you being such a damned rebel, like a hybrid of Marlon Brando, James Dean and The Fonz? Well, because I absolutely SUCK at anything remotely resembling a task or a deadline. I just can’t commit to anything (except relationships, it seems). I could clean my entire house in an hour (probably) but if you set me a deadline to do it in an hour, I would fail. Miserably. Like the cast of Jersey Shore at being remotely relevant.

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Instead, I’ve decided to be a complete blogging slob just go with the flow and see where it goes because otherwise I would get all stressed and end up in my garden naked, talking to the birds. Which would be cool, but that’s my cat’s job.

This leads me to come up with my alternate version of Zero to Hero: Zero to possibly less Zero. Zero to one?Brilliant.

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I want to wish the best to all the Zero to Hero bloggers out there, I’ll watch you sadly from the sideline, while doing lunges to appear athletic but really knowing I’ll never take part.

Finally, I just want to say that over the past week I’ve had possibly the busiest week here on WordPress since I started in July. I’ve met some great people here (not physically…it’s not like I’m lurking in your garden right now *awkward, creepy laugh*) and I just want to say thanks to all my lovely followers and commenters. Without you, I’d just be some weirdo talking to myself on the Internet…

*tumbleweed*

Thanks and bye for now *KISS YOUR FACE*