I’m baaaaack

Hello my lovelies, remember me? Okay, probably not…but I brought biscuits, which I will now eat all by myself.

So… where do I even start? I guess my life changed so much, and in all of the chaos, I lost myself a little bit. My engagement fell apart (I’ve only mentioned it a thousand times) and I got a new job so I just felt a little overwhelmed.

It’s been two years since my relationship broke up. I have zero contact with my ex, which is probably for the best. I suffered a long of PTSD, where the months and months of gaslighting and lies kind of caught up to me and I realised I could never be friends with someone who abused me so much. It’s not like he even really cared when I cut contact. In fact, I think now it’s what he wanted all along. It’s just sad that he’s a stranger to me now but c’est la vie.

Dating was amazing in the beginning. I met so many interesting men and had some wonderful experiences. Some of them are still my friends. But it got repetitive. I found I was never really fully on the same page as most guys. It was either ‘I’m not looking for anything at all’ or ‘I want a wife and kids’. I am very much the ‘I’m not exactly looking but I’ll see how it goes’ type. I don’t rule anything out because you just don’t know, do you?

I’m seeing someone now, but I am taking it in absolute baby steps and not labelling it or even discussing it. It’s a totally non-traditional thing, because I guess the ‘normal’ way didn’t really work out for me and I have all kinds of trust and commitment issues. Luckily, I’ve met a guy who is very patient, very kind and very, very hot. I’m going to brag about that because I can. And so much fun. He makes me stupidly happy and even if it’s not the most traditional of relationships, it really really works for us. Last night, I slept completely wrapped up in him and feeling safer and happier than I have in years.

And my job… well, my job is amazing! I’m still teaching and loving it. I still live where I live with my beautiful pets. I’ve tried so many new experiences over the last two years and have really begun to understand who I actually am outside of a relationship. I genuinely have never felt so happy and fulfilled. But I want to get back to blogging. It made me genuinely very zen and I enjoyed it so much so we’ll see. I guess my commitment issues extend to this now too 🙈

So, whoever you are, I want to hear about you. Come talk to me while I finish these chocolate chip cookies.

So my last post disappeared…

…except for the picture of the cats and if you guys know me then you probably didn’t even question how weird that was. I had written a whole post about uncertainty in my life and it was…actually it was pretty damn depressing in hindsight so maybe WordPress inadvertently saved me from being a gigantic Negative Nellie. Instead I shall be positive: I am moderately healthy (I had explained in the now-lost-in-cyber-space-blog-post). I am still teaching, although I’m out on sick leave. I still do Wednesday night Zumba with my cat…. so all in all, I’m good. 

I want to try and dedicate more time to my blog. It has been neglected as of late and I have really missed it. I’ve missed chatting to you guys and reading about your lives and stalking you and your pets…did I write that last part out loud? Erm, here’s some free internet pie to distract you….gooood. 

I am still in a relationship, we live in a nice little cottage together with our two dogs and our surprisingly flexible cat. I teach in a convent school (although my contract ends next month). My health has been a bit of an issue, but there’s nothing major wrong with me…apart from the weirdness but well, you know. 

I’m probably a little more boring now in that I try to avoid alcohol (because, lets face it, racing down a hill in a shopping trolley can only really end one way) and my life is pretty much consumed by work. Jack is still slaving away at his PhD but he is also working a job that he genuinely loves and that makes us both very happy. 

Erm…I can’t think of literally a single interesting thing that has happened to me recently except my stapler broke and I managed to fix it all by myself but then I dropped it so I had to buy a new one. FML, amiright?! 

Anyway, I am really going to try and post more regularly for anyone who still remembers me and for any new people who may have stumbled upon this, come say hello. I don’t bite, unless you happen to be made of chocolate and or bacon. Then all etiquette goes out the window. 

Love and laughter to you all!

I just want to wish all my wonderful followers a very Merry Christmas. I hope that we can all take some time today to appreciate the important things in life…like turkey. And if for any reason you are not feeling particularly excited about today and are experiencing sadness or loneliness, just know that there is always someone to talk to. Even me…unless you don’t like talking about owls and other random stuff. I do mean it though, I’m always just an email away. Anyway, have a wonderful day everyone!

These are a few of my favourite things:

I thought I’d write a post about some of my favourite things and if that seems a little self-indulgent well why don’t you tell me some of your favourite things? And then we can realise that we’re meant to be BFFs and get bracelets. Sounds creepy good, right? Okay, let’s go!

My favourite…

DRINK– Although I know it’s toxic, there’s nothing like an ice cold Coke with a slice of lemon in the summer. I also love coffee. Basically, caffeine. All the caffeine.
Alcohol wise, it just has to have alcohol in it. Okay, my tastes are a little more discerning than that. I love a glass of wine and in the winter, a small glass of Bailey’s Irish Cream. Oh, all the noms!

FOOD– Nope, that’s like asking my mother who her favourite child is…although it’s probably my brother. Now I feel like a giant steak to wipe away my tears.

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COLOUR– I like neutrals, like beiges, creams and golds.

TV SHOW– My favourite TV shows of all time are The Simpsons, The Sopranos and The Wire. I also loved an Irish drama called Love/Hate. Basically, the grittier and more violent, the better. I may be some kind of sociopath but…let’s move on.

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WRITER– I have to be super-cliched here and say Shakespeare; I could immerse myself in Shakespeare for days and not look up. I also love JD Salinger, Sebastian Faulks and John Steinbeck. I’ll also never outgrow Roald Dahl. And let’s not forget, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that most people would put Jane Austen on this list, right?

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POET– W.B. Yeats fo’ life!

SINGER– I love Jeff Buckley. I also could listen to Eva Cassidy sing all day. I have Frank Sinatra on repeat in my car.

SPORT– Rugby! It requires such skill and athleticism; I adore it. Ireland are pretty good at it too. We’re ranked third in the world at the moment. *insert smug face*

COMEDIAN– Bob Newhart. I feel like I am Bob Newhart. Trippy.

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BEAUTY PRODUCT– I love wearing lipstick. It makes me feel all adulty. And then I go and ruin it by using words like “adulty”.

CITY– I can’t say enough nice things about London. When I visited the Tower of London, I may have cried with happiness…which is probably not what Anne Boleyn did when she was there. Awkward.

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DISNEY FILM– It’s a toss up between Beauty and the Beast (there’s talking crockery for crying out loud) and The Lion King (because Zazu!). I can’t decide. Oh well, time to go and watch them both.

MEMORY– *SUPER CHEESE WARNING!* My first “date” with Jack. We went to a forest a few miles from home. My friends were supposed to drive us home but they left us there (thanks a lot, assfaces) and Jack and I had to walk four miles in the rain. We hadn’t really known each other that well but we talked and talked and of course, fell in love.

CELEBRITY THAT LOOKS LIKE AN ALPACA– Taylor Lautner. Just kidding, I have pretty ambivalent feelings towards him to be honest.

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PLAYSTATION GAME– I’m not a gamer by any means, but I was addicted to Red Dead Redemption. The story was great, the music was so atmospheric and I actually got so involved in the story. Then I was shot by a load of Government Agents. #YOLO!

ARTIST– I am pretty obsessed with Vincent van Gogh. I have lots of prints and books about him. He was such a tortured soul that painted such beautiful images. Don McLean song Vincent is utterly heartbreaking.

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HOBBY– Astronomy…someday I will be able to afford a proper telescope but for now my binoculars will have to do. There is something so scintillating about spotting a galaxy that is located 2.5 million light years away in the night sky.

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Honourable mentions to:

Owls, candles, wine, teaching, learning, laughing, blogging, Tweeting, pets, kissing, dancing, sight seeing, history, archaeology, writing, cleaning and high-fiving strangers on my way to work.

Tell me about your favourite things!

700 of you and I need your suggestions!

Today, I hit 700 followers. Do you realise that if all of you paid me a cent I’d be able to buy myself a pretty decent pastry and cup of coffee? Amazing.

Anyway, I was considering how flattering this is. I mean, it’s actually wonderful and makes me feel all the fuzz. So thank you, humble follower, I am forever in your debt.*

Because I’m as ambitious as Lady Macbeth on steroids (if you don’t get that reference then we can’t be friends, like, ever) I would like to someday break the 1,000 follower barrier. Today is the first day that I have actually thought about it and realised it just might be a reality. I don’t really know what difference that will make to my day to day life, but come on, we all want more followers (in my case, I would love a person who LITERALLY follows me but that’s a bit much to ask really, isn’t it?). I was thinking that if I ever get to that magical 1,000 followers land then I want to do something really special.

That’s where I need you guys. I am basically giving you, my wonderful WordPress chums, carte blanche to suggest ANYTHING you want me to do to celebrate if I ever do get to 1,000 followers. If I don’t, we’ll all sit around eating commiseration cake and crying.
If I do get to 1,000 followers, I promise I will do whatever it is you guys want me to do the most. Just, er, nothing that puts my life in danger or involves martial arts/spiders/Chinese throwing stars or heights or nudity because, well, dignity. After that, I’m pretty much game for anything. So hit me with your best dare guys 🙂

Also, thank you. Thank you for being so nice and kind to me. I don’t really write anything of great merit on here because I kind of treat this as a place to let my silly side out so the fact that you guys actually read my craziness means a lot to me.
You’re totally allowed in my fort.

*or at least until I change identity

And for no reason, here’s a picture of a seal:

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I made the short list!

If you guys didn’t have a chance to catch the international news today, you may not know that I have been shortlisted by The Blog Awards Ireland in the Best Humour Blog category.

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I am thrilled! And hungry…but mostly thrilled! If it wasn’t for my lovely and loyal followers then I would have no reason to blog, so I owe this to you guys. There’s a gratitude owl on its way to you as we speak. (It’s basically a regular owl, but it curtsies.)

Time for me to go party*.

*Not really because I have school tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have a a cup of tea and not use a coaster….okay, I’ll use a coaster.

Why so not serious?

When I was told I had epilepsy, one of my closest friends was quite upset.
“How do you think I feel?” I asked her one evening, “if I collapse at a strobe light party, people will just assume I’m pop and locking.”

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An epileptic seizure is only about twenty percent as fun

She rolled her eyes. “Do you ever take anything seriously?”

I considered her question. I take some things seriously. Like choosing pizza toppings. (If you are one of those people who thinks pineapple is an acceptable choice for a pizza topping then I’m sorry, we can’t be friends anymore.) Or what kind of head dress my dogs should wear on Christmas Day (I usually go with reindeer antlers, but elf hat is always a contender).

Of course I am serious sometimes. It’s not like I show up to funerals dressed as a court jester…anymore. I even have a bonafide serious face. Sometimes I wear a monocle.

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My serious face has slightly less feathers. And also, OWL!

The thing is, I have always turned to humour even in the most difficult of times. I don’t mean to be insensitive or inappropriate, but I find that having a sense of humour in difficult situations is one of my best coping mechanisms. I mean sure, I could cry my eyes out, eat my own weight in cookie dough and wallow in self pity and Blue Nun OR I could cry my eyes, eat my own weight in cookie dough, wallow in self pity and Blue Nun and laugh about it afterwards. I try not to take life too seriously because being Kim Jong Un does not look like much fun (except for the bouffant which he totally rocks).

I know some people could accuse me of being immature. I say, I know you are but what am I? And also, we get one shot at this whole life malarkey. Why not spend it laughing and making inappropriate poo jokes? Or getting drunk and riding roller coasters? (Aside: that’s probably not the best idea. You may end up getting vomit in your hair and crying on the shoulder of a stranger. Or something.)
There are so many fun things to do. There are so many silly things to say. There are so many ways to smile. And all of these are a lot more fun than stressing out. There’s nothing more attractive to me than a person who is self deprecating. I love someone who can make mistakes and then laugh at themselves, or someone who is okay with not being perfect.

So, you can either scoff at my post and resent my futile attempt at making you smile or you can come throw water balloons at my grumpy neighbours with me. Your call.

I have a little favour to ask you oh friends of the internet

I had planned this hilarious* post about my recent trips to the doctor. Instead, I’ve conceded defeat to my mystery illness and am currently doped up on antibiotics, painkillers, folic acid and seizure meds while dancing with an elephant. While I curse my family’s genes and wonder why I’ve been bred like a junkyard mongrel, I have one special favour to ask you guys.

The Irish Blog Awards are taking place soon and they are currently accepting nominations.
Now I don’t want to ask you guys to nominate me. That’s right, I don’t want to ask you guys. Hint hint. Cough cough. Nudge nudge. Wink wink. Hula dances towards you. Okay, so maybe I would like to be nominated, I probably didn’t make that obvious enough. I can put away the coconut bikini now.

If you would like to nominate me, you can click here. Since there doesn’t seem to be an owl category, I guess I’ll have to fit into humour, because according to my imaginary friend Sally,
I’m a funny gal. If you don’t want to nominate me, that’s cool, I won’t send my flea-infested flying monkeys after you. What? I said I won’t.

To be serious for a second (FYI, it’ll be more than a second) I have been unwell lately and I don’t know what’s wrong. You could say I’m going for the sympathy vote here, and you’d be right. I am.

Anyone who does nominate me, I sincerely thank you. When I get better, I will dedicate my next dance fight to you.

So please help me look like this:

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Jurassic Park B***hes!
And don’t make me do this:

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That was the best blog post about owls of all time, OF ALL TIME!

Thanks guys,
I’m going to take a little rest for a while but I’ll be back (said in a very non-threatening manner).

*I bought my own pee. Trust me, it was hilarious.

I should probably add that nominations close tomorrow, but whatever. *stares intently at you*

You will need the following info:
My email is cupidorcats@hotmail.com and I live in Co. Roscommon.

That will make stalking me a lot easier.