My Fab Four 

Well hello there friends! I am just back from a fabulous break with my best friend and I feel equal parts exhausted and exhilarated. We ate, we laughed and of course, we drank. A little. Ahem. 

My eyes say ‘hello there sailor’ but my lips say ‘I was a little drunk when I did my makeup’

Anyway, as I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been practicing acknowledging all the things I’m grateful for each evening and it really helps to remind me that I am lucky for a number of reasons. Today, I’m going to acknowledge four people who I feel very lucky to know. These gals bring me happiness and I am so grateful to have them in my life. So without further ado, here are four of my most lovely friends:

*I’m going to refer to them by their initials 

FB 

I have known F since we were both little girls knocking the shite out of each other. I don’t even know to put into words how much this girl means to me. We are both unashamedly weird, hyper and Simpsons-obsessed. We can make each other laugh by just looking at each other. She didn’t have the easiest of childhoods but she has never let this define her or obstruct her in any way. She approaches everything with positivity and enthusiasm. Her company makes me a better person and my life is made easier by having her along this journey with me. 

ROS 

I’ve also known R since I was a little girl. I have always looked at her like another sister. When I was a timid, shy child, she brought out the best in me. She was always there, championing me to be a stronger, confident person. She is wonderfully mischievous and even to this day, she brings out my inner messer. We have always been so bold in each other’s company. We couldn’t sit next to each other in primary school because we were just too naughty and we probably only graduated secondary school because we went to different ones. R is one of the best friends a girl could have in her life. She is always there for me. She doesn’t know how much her dedication to our friendship means to me. She helps me and guides me in so many ways. She is inspiring and wonderful and I adore her more than I can ever express. 

CQC 

C is a friend of F’s (try and keep up haha) that I met about eight (?) years ago. We are similar in many ways and I bonded with her instantly. She is intelligent, funny and kind. I really enjoy her company and we have the most interesting and random chats. She is the kind of person everyone needs in their life! I feel really lucky to have met her and I always look forward to seeing her. She is currently expecting a child and I couldn’t be more excited for her. She’s going to be an amazing mother. I haven’t seen her in a while and really miss her. Note to self: Next time you see her, smell her hair. 

KL 

I met K in primary school. Since then, we have been a big part of each other’s lives. She is such a strong, wonderful person and I admire so many things about her. Whenever we meet up, we’re like two kids again,  giggling and gossiping. She is just the best company. I love going out on night’s with her; she is the best fun. 

She became a mother this year and I swear her son is the most adorable baby everrrr. I am in awe of her strength and her resilience through difficult situations. I feel so lucky to know her and still be her friends after all these years and I know we have many wonderful years of friendship ahead of us. 

So there you have it, four women who inspire me and bless me with their friendship. Who do you feel grateful to know? 

This post is more all over the place than 2007 Britney

My poor blog. Seriously. It is so neglected that if it were a person, it would be wearing a burlap sack and banging a tin cup against the bars of the prison I keep it in. Thankfully, it’s not a person. But I must admit, I’ve been less than diligent with my posting. I love blogging. When I first started, I found a part of myself I never really knew existed. It has opened me up in a way that nothing else ever really could have. So I will come back to my blog, clean it up a little and bake it some cookies by way of an apology. I will also eat those cookies because that’s what my blog would want.

Last time I wrote, I discussed my issues with anxiety. While I am feeling a lot better, it is a daily struggle. The medication helps significantly, but I’m frequently exhausted beyond belief. I also suffer from vestibular migraines, which my anxiety medication actually treats. So yay, I guess? All in all, I’m not doing too badly. 

As some of you may know, I’m a secondary school teacher (I teach English and history and a smattering of other things). I’ve just been working part time and am now on school holidays, although I will be acting as a scribe for a student who is unable to write her exams. I actually love doing it. 

I’m still living in my little cottage with my two cats, two dogs and lovely boyfriend. J is working full-time as well as completing his PhD. He is a little unwell at the moment and that’s been another cause for concern. Please send him good thoughts! 

Just reading over this, it all seems a little subdued. I’m actually in a very good place. For me, having a sense of humour has been key to getting through the last year. It wasn’t always easy, but I really do believe the old cliche: laughter is the best medicine. My friends have been amazing in helping me. We just laugh constantly (I mean, we breathe sometimes too) and it helps me no end. 

I recently turned thirty (as I’ve mentioned about a million times!) and instead of the anticipated freak-out, I’m actually really at peace with it all. Really. Ahem. Honestly though, I’m still a silly, slightly crazy, giggling pile of incompetence and that’s okay. I have learned over the years not to take myself so seriously. I’m really learning to be okay with who I am, and who I am not. 

So, in conclusion, here’s what I did last month instead of correcting exam scripts… because necessary. 

Anxiety and Me 

Hi everyone! 

Well, it’s been a while. As usual. It’s been a little crazy for me lately…well crazier than usual, anyway. 

So back in December I was diagnosed with a generalised anxiety disorder and put on Zoloft (and xanax to help me sleep). I have been through some rough patches in my life but I have never, ever felt so low. I thought I knew what anxiety was but nope, not until it hit me full force in the face like a wet fish. 

I had to take time off work. I felt alone and helpless. It led to huge strains with my family and with my boyfriend. I never knew what it would feel like to not want to get out of bed, nevermind leave the house. I never knew just how miserable a person could feel; how panicked and how vulnerable. 

The road to recovery will be long and difficult. Maybe I will never fully recover, but I can learn to live with this. I certainly am feeling much better and am able to do many more things now than I could have last month. My boyfriend has been wonderful, my family has been supportive and I’ve had a close friend be there when I needed her. She was also diagnosed with a GAD and we’ve been able to support each other. I think I’ve taken her for granted in the past. It’s only when you hit rock bottom that you really appreciate the genuine friends who don’t hesitate to make you a priority. I hope she feels the same about my friendship. 

The past few weeks have been much better. The first of the month was the one year anniversary of my aunt’s death from cancer. I spent the day with my family and just knowing how close our bond is made me feel really special. So too did the numerous messages from close friends and colleagues who remembered her anniversary. It really was as good a feeling as any pill. Sometimes people really surprise me with how thoughtful they can be. 

So guys, I’m doing well. Really well, in fact. I’m working part-time again and I love my job. I’m taking much better care of my health by exercising and eating well. I’m writing a lot and learning to love my own company. I’m laughing again and playing with my nieces and nephew. I’m running through fields with my dogs (LOL at that mental image) and bopping my cat on the head with her toys. All in all, life is good right now. There will be a time when I’ll struggle again, but I’ll be okay. I will always end up okay.

Who wouldn’t be when they’ve got unicorn slippers? I repeat, UNICORN SLIPPERS 🦄🦄


I hope all of you have been doing well, and if not then feel free to tell me about it. It’s always good to talk, right? Now let’s all have tea and freak out over how adorable my slippers are. 

I like you guys a lot. I might even love you.

*Disney singing voice*

I got more awaaaards and life is wonderfuuuuuulllllll!

20140416-222847.jpg
Source
I’m not so sure about the second part, because a bird just shat on my Moschino handbag but the first part is definitely true 😀

Firstly, the lovely tisfortea nominated me for a Liebster Award. I’ve posted the link to her own acceptance of the award because she is hilarious and sweet and you need to read it.

While I’m not going to actually do the whole nominating thing (only because I’ve done it a lot lately), I will answer your fantastic questions Helen!

What is your biggest regret?

I know it’s the cliched response but I try not to live with regrets. I don’t hold grudges and I don’t argue for very long with people, that’s the best way to avoid regret.
I do regret wearing my mother’s Prada shoes to a festival once. Sorry Mammy.

What is the first anecdote about yourself that you’d tell to impress someone new?

I’m not cool enough to tell anecdotes. I usually just get people liquored up pretty good. Usually works.

First crush?

A guy called Kenneth who I used to chase for kisses. He wore an Aran jumper and hid from me in the boys’ toilets.

How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

I would find Keith Richards and pretend he’s my father. The zombies would think he was one of their own, so by association, I’d be safe.

Most embarrassing moment?

Fainting at mass, while altar serving. Yep. That happened.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. I have all the emotions.

What is your relationship deal breaker?

Douchebaggery. The type of guy who puts a girl down to impress his friends.

Do you believe in karma?

Not as a supernatural force, but I do believe that if you are an asshat for most of your life, it will inevitably come back to bite you in the testicles.

How would your friends describe you?

Odd. Weird. Fun. Pensive. Sceptic. Sarcastic. Humorous.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

A bad attitude. I’m just a nice person who expects the same in return. Simple.

If you could tell anyone to royally fuck the fuck off who would it be, and why?

Probably Hitler. Maybe no one ever told him to fuck off and that was the problem.

Thanks Helen! Great questions 🙂

Next up, thegirlimtotallyobsessedwithbutdonttellhercauseitscreepy the brilliant Amanda over at Inside the life of moi. If you like me (please say you like me), you will love her! She’s funny and her posts make me want to clap out loud if that wasn’t actually really weird.
Amanda very kindly nominated me for the Quintet of Radiance Award.

Again, I’m not going to nominate. Please don’t think I’m being selfish here, I just have already accepted these awards and would be nominating the same people. I am so grateful to both Helen and Amanda and wanted to do this post because I love their blogs and I want you (yes you) to check them out.

For the Quintet Award, you are supposed to describe yourself with a different letter of the alphabet. I did that already so I thought to change it up I would provide you all with 26 brilliant and totally useable chat-up lines for you to use, each beginning with a different letter of the alphabet. You. Are. Welcome.

Are you from a forrest? Cause you’re a fox.

Baby, I’m a love pirate and I’m here for your booth. Arrrgh!

Could you be any hotter?

Do you have raisins? No? How about a date then?

Ew, did you just fart? Cause you blew me away!

Fat penguin. What? I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

Given that the universe is infinite and time is infinite…wanna shag?

Hi, can I buy you several drinks?

Is it me or does this rag smell like chloroform?

Just do me.

Kiss me if I’m wrong, but is your name Chaniqua?

Life is too short for us not to be having sex right now.

Man, are you Jamaican? Cause jer-makin-me crazy!

Now I know angels exist!

Oh, you’re hotter than Papa Bear’s porridge!

P.S., I dig you.

Quel dommage que vous êtes seul
mais cela peut changer ce soir.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in my van

Smoking is hazardous to my health and baby, you’re killing me!

There must be a light switch on my forehead, cause when I see you, I’m turned on.

Ukuleles. Unicorns. Things that are not as cute as you.

Very true. Sorry, I’m just telling my heart that I agree; you are the most beautiful girl in the room.

Wow, did you just clean your pants with Windex? Cause I can totally see myself in them.

Xylophones make sweet noise when they’re banged. Do you?

Zebras are basically horses with stripes and I’m just a loser with a crush.

Aaand there you go 🙂

And while you’ve read this far, a few more things:

I know somewhere along the lines, I have probably ignored some awards. I don’t mean to do that, I just am very forgetful!

Also, it has come to my attention that sometimes my replies don’t post when I write them on my phone. If you think I’m not replying to you, it’s because I think I already have and my phone is stupid. I love you really.

Also, if you’re on twitter we can become twitter BFFs. Hit me up (the link is at the side of my page).

Peace out homies x

Daily Prompt: Putting the “fun” in funeral

For today’s daily prompt, we are supposed to discuss what kind of legacy we would like to leave once we shed our mortal coil.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while now (hi mom) know that I don’t like to take myself too seriously. Sure, I could write about how I want to be remembered for the kind and generous person that I am (hey, quit laughing) or for my contributions to medical research (limit of tequilas one can ingest before singing Barry Manilow in a karaoke bar: four). But that would be cliched, and if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s Mexican. Or cliched (okay, two things).

Instead, I decided to share with you what I have discussed with my friends regarding my possible untimely demise. I’m sure you too, magical internet friend, have thought about what would happen if you passed away prematurely. Would people come to your funeral? Would your best friends howl at the moon every night for their lost comrade? Sure, it’s morbid, but we all wonder from time to time, right?

About a year ago, I was in a serious car accident. My car was completely totalled and I was really, really lucky to escape virtually unscathed. After my friends had comforted me and liquored me up good, we began to discuss (as you do) what would have happened if I hadn’t been so lucky. My friend turned to me and said something that got me thinking:

“Jane, I know you hate funerals. I know you don’t consider yourself catholic anymore, so what kind of funeral could you possibly have? I mean you’d just hate all that serious and solemn hymn stuff, and I’d know that, so it wouldn’t feel right. What would we do? How could we say our final farewell to you?”

Okay, I’ll admit that it was a weird conversation to have but it seemed necessary. My friend was right, I hate funerals. I don’t want to cause any offence here, but the traditional Irish funeral is not the way I want to be sent off. And the thing is, you might say “why do you have to be different? Why should you get special treatment?” but I’m not religious so I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I’m not saying I want a send-off of Hunter S. Thompson proportions, but I certainly don’t want a funeral where a guy who doesn’t know me postulates about what kind of person I might have been with generic statements. Irish funerals are also expensive and I don’t want to put that expense on my friends and family. I mean, I’ll be gone. They will be devastated…right? RIGHT? Hey, is that tumbleweed?

20140216-194027.jpg
Source

So we all decided to share with each other how we would like our lives to be celebrated. When it got to my turn, my friends knew to expect the unexpected. I wanted something that would be memorable and that would confuse the heck out of everyone attending. I’m also a bit of a prankster, and in the words of my favourite poet W.B. Yeats “in balance with this life, this death”.

So, without further ado, here is what my memorial service is going to be like:

(This is not a religious funeral and there is no offence intended here. If any offence is caused, it’s possibly because you’re Bill O’ Reilly.

20140216-201223.jpg
Source

1. It must be held in oneof the following: a hay barn, a medieval town hall or on a moving bus.

2. The following music will be played as the congregation piles in: (Because I’m so popular*, I chose two songs.)

A) Sex on the Beachby T-Spoon
B) The Next Episodeby Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.

3. The narrative of my life must be told through an interpretive dance off between my friends.

4. A video of me performing the Thriller dance by Michael Jackson must be played. (Note to self: Learn Thriller dance. Buy red leather clothing. Make video.)

20140216-194245.jpg
Source

5. My mother must give the eulogy in the form of a gangsta rap. (She doesn’t know this yet.)

6. Someone (I’m looking at you, Jack) must play Wind Beneath my Wingson a kazoo.

7. The service will close with a musical number. I’m thinking a Greasemedley. I have been promised spirit fingers and jazz hands galore.

20140216-194508.jpg
Source

8. Closing song: Celebrate by Kool and the Gang

For those of you who think I’m kidding, I assure you I’m not. I’m also not trying to be disrespectful to anyone here; I would just like to bring a smile to the faces of those I love during a time that would otherwise be depressing and somber. I would like my legacy to be this: that people remember how, erm, unique I am. And that my funeral was like a Stanley Kubrick dream.

If you’re reading this, you’re totally invited. Because, let’s face it, it will be the most fun funeral ever. Jane: putting the “fun” in funeral. Welcome.

*with my pets

Are you annoying?

I may have already written a post about this, but I’m going to do it again (which is an example of one of my worst habits: laziness).

I have lots of habits that may be deemed…undesirable. But hey, I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be (except when my boss is around).

Here is a list of my annoying traits: (I’m doing this to make you feel better about yourself, how great am I?)

1. I’m lazy

I used to be the definition of organised. Lately though, I’ve been giving less and less of a crap. It’s usually this time of year that I’m at my worst. Legend has it that I was a grizzly bear in a past life. So technically, I should still be hibernating.

20140205-195051.jpg

2. I don’t finish interesting stories because of afore-mentioned laziness

My conversations with people usually follow this format:

“Oh my God Jane! What happened then?”

“Erm, dunno. Can’t remember really.”

(Which is a lie, I usually can remember. I’m just too lazy to say.)

3. I zone out easily

I lose concentration very very quickly. Very, very… SQUIRREL!

20140205-195240.jpg

4. I have a terrible memory

“Hey Jane. Remember when we went on that shopping trip to London?”

*Blank Jane face*

“…and we met Richard Branson?”

*Blank Jane face*

“…erm… he gave us a ride in his private jet?”

*Blank Jane face*

“…but there was a fire? We had to have an emergency landing in the middle of the Pacific?”

*Blank Jane face*

This happens a surprising amount.

5. I always predict the end of films

What can I say? It’s a talent.
But I do appreciate that it’s incredibly annoying for my friends.

“It’s so obvious that Pablo is the killer. He just bought a shovel.”

“JAAAAANE!”

It’s not my fault that I have an imaginary degree in criminology.

20140205-200016.jpg

6. I have all of the emotions

Jack: Love, why are you crying?
Me: That old lady *sniff* got scammed out of hundreds of euro…
Jack: Um… You’re crying at an insurance ad?
Me: SHE HAS NOONE TO LOOK AFTER HER!

7. I don’t really eat meals

I just go to the fridge and pick at different foods. Jar of Nutella? Breakfast. Pickles? Lunch. Cheese? Dinner. Sorted.

What are your worst habits?

Jack is thinking of starting a blog which makes me have all the feelings.

I dare you to…

So I was unpacking boxes in my new house (we moved lately) and I found something hilarious: A list of dares my best friend and I compiled for our first holiday abroad when we were 19. We made a list of eleven dares. Whoever did the most, or the majority, first, got €30. It was so ridiculously immature, but fun.

1. When the plane is taking off, yell ‘KEVIIIIN’ as loud as possible. (I took this one.)

2. Run out to the pool by yourself, flailing excitedly and cannonball in. Then calmly get out and walk back inside (my best friend did this and the reaction was brilliant).

3. When any waitress brings food to our table, stand up and meaningfully hug her. Bonus points for patting her back and whispering ‘thank you, thank you.’ (My best friend did this too.)

4. Find a karaoke bar, rap the full song ‘The Next Episode’ by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg complete with thrusting and grunting. (I did this and nearly knocked out the DJ with the microphone.)

5. Ask another tourist, while holding your camera, “would you mind taking a picture” and if they say yes, hand the camera to me, and pose beside the tourist. (I also did this and still have the photo. Their awkward expression is priceless.)

6. Get into a taxi. Ensure there is complete silence for about five minutes. Then suddenly (and very sincerely) begin singing “Dust in the Wind”. (Again, I did this because my friend didn’t really know the words. I took my inspiration from Will Ferrell in ‘Old School’ and the taxi driver loved it. He even asked for an encore, so it didn’t really have the desired awkward effect but it was fun.)

7. Get into the baby pool with armbands. (My best friend did this and did a brilliant job of looking cautious and frightened by the 7 inches of water.)

8. (We didn’t call it ‘photobomb’ but that’s what we meant) Randomly get into the background of someone’s photo and look at creepy as possible (we both did this and we’re sure it was very creepy indeed).

9. Sit near to a group of people by the pool and calmly narrate everything they do. (I don’t think neither of us did this. At least not when we were sober, anyway.)

10. Go to a club and robot dance for a full song with a very serious face (I’m pretty sure we both did this also.)

11. Excitedly run up to a person by the pool, tap them and say ‘you’re it!’ before running off. (I did this. I did not expect the game to catch on and for about thirty people to start playing.)

Overall, I completed more but I don’t think I ever got that €30. The prize was looking crazy and scaring complete strangers. Ah, to be 19 again.