My Fab Four 

Well hello there friends! I am just back from a fabulous break with my best friend and I feel equal parts exhausted and exhilarated. We ate, we laughed and of course, we drank. A little. Ahem. 

My eyes say ‘hello there sailor’ but my lips say ‘I was a little drunk when I did my makeup’

Anyway, as I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been practicing acknowledging all the things I’m grateful for each evening and it really helps to remind me that I am lucky for a number of reasons. Today, I’m going to acknowledge four people who I feel very lucky to know. These gals bring me happiness and I am so grateful to have them in my life. So without further ado, here are four of my most lovely friends:

*I’m going to refer to them by their initials 


I have known F since we were both little girls knocking the shite out of each other. I don’t even know to put into words how much this girl means to me. We are both unashamedly weird, hyper and Simpsons-obsessed. We can make each other laugh by just looking at each other. She didn’t have the easiest of childhoods but she has never let this define her or obstruct her in any way. She approaches everything with positivity and enthusiasm. Her company makes me a better person and my life is made easier by having her along this journey with me. 


I’ve also known R since I was a little girl. I have always looked at her like another sister. When I was a timid, shy child, she brought out the best in me. She was always there, championing me to be a stronger, confident person. She is wonderfully mischievous and even to this day, she brings out my inner messer. We have always been so bold in each other’s company. We couldn’t sit next to each other in primary school because we were just too naughty and we probably only graduated secondary school because we went to different ones. R is one of the best friends a girl could have in her life. She is always there for me. She doesn’t know how much her dedication to our friendship means to me. She helps me and guides me in so many ways. She is inspiring and wonderful and I adore her more than I can ever express. 


C is a friend of F’s (try and keep up haha) that I met about eight (?) years ago. We are similar in many ways and I bonded with her instantly. She is intelligent, funny and kind. I really enjoy her company and we have the most interesting and random chats. She is the kind of person everyone needs in their life! I feel really lucky to have met her and I always look forward to seeing her. She is currently expecting a child and I couldn’t be more excited for her. She’s going to be an amazing mother. I haven’t seen her in a while and really miss her. Note to self: Next time you see her, smell her hair. 


I met K in primary school. Since then, we have been a big part of each other’s lives. She is such a strong, wonderful person and I admire so many things about her. Whenever we meet up, we’re like two kids again,  giggling and gossiping. She is just the best company. I love going out on night’s with her; she is the best fun. 

She became a mother this year and I swear her son is the most adorable baby everrrr. I am in awe of her strength and her resilience through difficult situations. I feel so lucky to know her and still be her friends after all these years and I know we have many wonderful years of friendship ahead of us. 

So there you have it, four women who inspire me and bless me with their friendship. Who do you feel grateful to know? 

The Duplicity of Facebook

We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through your Facebook feed when suddenly you see an update from someone you went to school with. You haven’t seen the person in years, but you used to be quite friendly. They have uploaded yet another snapshot of their seemingly perfect life; this time, they are in Australia. A few weeks ago, it was Thailand. They stand looking at the camera; tanned, smiling, content. You feel that familiar pang of….something. Envy? Maybe a little. Regret? Perhaps. You’re sitting in bed and it’s raining outside. Why did you not travel? But there’s a more apt word to describe how Facebook makes you feel….


Facebook has made me feel inadequate on numerous occasions and I hate that it has. I wish that I could have risen above such petty and unnecessary feelings, but it can be tough when you are experiencing difficulty in your own life. 

Facebook is a strange place. I am Facebook “friends” with my real life, close friends. I have also been Facebook “friends” with people that I have a very tenuous association with in real life; that girl I met in a bathroom once in 2012, a guy that was friends with my secondary school best friend, the woman who used to groom my dog, and several people that I haven’t seen in person in years. To be honest, the majority of my Facebook friends are people I don’t know all that well. It is made up of people from my past, girls that I went to school with whom I have inevitably compared myself to from time to time. 



Most of the time, I am happy with my life. I am proud of my achievements, I have wonderful friends and a great fiancé. But when I logged onto Facebook, I started to question all of this. Niggling doubts started to creep into my mind, and that old feeling of inadequacy came back. My friend from secondary school has a great job and is making double what I do. My other friend just swam with dolphins in Miami. My old coworkers just all went on a weekend trip to London. My old best friend is insanely popular and gets an average 200 “likes” per status update. My childhood neighbour is out every weekend, posing for photos with different people each time. They all seem to live lives that are more exciting, more successful and more fulfilled than mine. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not some jealous psycho buried in a sea of Doritos and cyber-stalking my friends. I don’t resent any of them their happiness or success. I just often felt a little…


I didn’t swim with dolphins, or lie on beach in Australia watching the sun set, or lick tequila from the belly button of a Tahitian stripper. Most of the time, I’m sitting on my sofa, with a fleece blanket and my cat, by the light of a lavender scented candle (strawberry if I’m feeling adventurous).


We’re not even this cool…

I started to actively avoid Facebook. I noticed that it was actually affecting my mood. And it seems I’m not alone. A 2013 study showed that one in three people felt worse after logging on and scrolling through their newsfeed, and they also felt more unhappy and dissatisfied with their own lives. 

That’s a whole lot of unhappy people, right? Well the good news is, for me at least, I have been able to let most of the inadequacy and envy go. I can now log on to Facebook and feel okay. I mean, I’ll never feel amazing because there’s always some duck face selfie to make me want to jump off the planet but I don’t feel like crying into my Doritos (er, I mean, kale salad) anymore. 

But Jane, how did you achieve such inner peace and self-acceptance? 

Well, since you didn’t ask….

I didn’t. 

I still have doubts and insecurites, but I’ve come to realise that so does everyone else. 

Including my seemingly perfect Facebook friends. 

To show you what I’m talking about, I shall tell you a little story. I went to school with a girl, we’ll call her Rachel. Rachel has always been a bit of a character; she’s spontaneous, wild, unpredictable. A few years ago, she left a very good job here to go and live in Australia, alone. I remember the admiration I had for her decision; I would never be able to do it. Her Facebook page was full of wonderful pictures. She appeared to be having the time of her life, and I used to breathe a wistful sigh of envy as I looked through her photos. One day, I got talking to her mother, whom I met in the supermarket. I asked about Rachel, and told her that it seemed that she was living the dream. Her mother looked confused. She told me that Rachel was calling her everyday, crying down the phone. Rachel was lonely, homesick and hating her experience over there, she told me. She desperately wanted to come home but was too embarrassed to admit it to everyone on Facebook. You might think that I felt some sense of relief, but I didn’t. I pitied Rachel. She had been a great friend of mine and I hated thinking of her in a far away place, lonely and full of regret. I got talking to her (privately) on Facebook, and she told me that she was crying herself to sleep every night. I convinced her to come home, and she’s been better since she did.  



The Rachel situation taught me a lot. I realised that there’s a reason that some people constantly post about their seemingly wonderful lives on Facebook. It’s not always to brag or to be smug. These people are often very insecure and unhappy. Their posts and pictures scream LOOK AT HOW GREAT MY LIFE IS….NO REALLY, IT’S GREAT. They often have an emptiness or a void in real life, and being accepted or envied on Facebook is what they hope will fill it. It is very easy to convince people that you have an amazing life. A post about a party here, a picture of you at the beach there, and hey presto, your life is amazing. I don’t want to come across as cynical or bitter; not everyone who posts pictures of their holidays or nights out is making a statement and let’s be honest, we all do it at some stage. But we do all have that friend (or friends) whose Facebook page is a collection of smug gym selfies, condescending quotes about happiness, constant exotic location snaps and check-ins at all kinds of bars and fancy hotels. I realise that I’m probably not doing a great job of convincing you that I’ve let the envy go, but I have. I’ve figured out that on Facebook especially, appearances are very deceptive. Not everyone is as happy or fun as they are letting on. Your friends are sharing with you what they choose to share. You don’t see the struggles, the tears, the fights. But they are there, just like yours are too. 


Finally, I have learned to stop constantly comparing myself to my Facebook friends. Despite the fact that I don’t intimately know all of them, I genuinely wish them well. They are on different life paths to me, and we have different life goals. While it’s natural to experience envy from time to time, it’s ultimately damaging to let it consume you. Facebook is probably the biggest source of resentment and envy for many people, so remembering that there are stories and a deeper truth behind all those posts and pictures is very important. 

So take that, inadequacy. I am perfectly adequate. Except when it comes to complex maths but…


Thank You <3 

My last post dealt was difficult to write and I was very reluctant to post it but I’m so glad that I did. I was absolutely overwhelmed by the wonderful, considerate and thought-provoking comments you guys left on the post. It really moved me that you guys took time to leave such kind and caring messages. I mean, this was my face reading the majority of them:


I just wanted to say a massive thank you to you all. You have no idea how much you have helped me and I am so lucky to-…

*music starts playing*

No, no don’t cut me off. I’m not done…I’M NOT DONE. 

*fights security guards*

Okay, I’m done. But thank you. Sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. 



Being Bob Newhart

Some of you might assume that if you were to meet me in real life I would be as friendly as a motherlovin’ seal.

….Wait, wrong Seal…

To an extent, that’s true. Within a few minutes of meeting each other, who knows? We could be line dancing to Billy Ray Cyrus while eating fried shrimp (you’re right; that is weirdly specific for a spontaneous hypothetical situation…it’s almost like I’ve thought of us doing this before…). More than likely, however, I’ll be a little less Russell Brand and a bit more Bob Newhart.

Remember this? My favourite Simpson’s moment because this is my life…

It’s not that I’m shy, it’s just that I’m…well, weird. I don’t need to go into that, you guys know the deal by now. I know how to function in everyday life, don’t get me wrong. I know that you probably shouldn’t fist bump a person the first time you meet them (although I would be totally okay if that replaced cheek kissing, because awkward). I also know that not everyone finds protracted conversations about owls interesting (whatever, Sally from accounts, pfft).
The thing is, when you’re a little, er, eccentric like myself, you need someone a little weird to bounce off.
When I meet someone who is just as “unique” as myself, it’s as magical as unicorn farts.


When I meet a normal or serious person who doesn’t appreciate a good owl meme (or who doesn’t like dance-fighting and karaoke rap) I find conversation can be a little awkward. Something like this usually happens:

Normal person: Hi Jane.
Jane: Fine thanks.

Wait, what?

Yes, this happens when I get awkward. I just can’t conversationalise…I can’t good talk…I can’t make mouth words…I… OH GODDAMMIT!

The more I try and force conversation, the worse I get. I end up saying the weirdest things. I just can’t shut up.


The worst instance of this was in a teaching job I had a few years back. My boss was a very serious lady, and while she was very nice, I found it nearly impossible to talk to her. One Monday morning, we were stuck awkwardly sitting beside each other in the staffroom when she initiated conversation:

Boss: Did you do anything this weekend?
Me: Not really. I mean, I didn’t do “nothing” just I didn’t… (all of a sudden brain Jane kicks in screaming at me: if you say you did nothing, she’ll think you’re lazy)… I actually went…diving. (Diving, Jane? WHAT THE EFF?) Er, driving. I meant driving. To the beach…sea…not into the sea. Haha. To the sea. (SHUT UP JANE, JUST SHUT UUUP!)
Boss: Er, right. Great.

So you see reader, life would be a lot easier if we were all weird. Or if we were all normal…but that would be boring.

What makes you awkward?

I have a little favour to ask you oh friends of the internet

I had planned this hilarious* post about my recent trips to the doctor. Instead, I’ve conceded defeat to my mystery illness and am currently doped up on antibiotics, painkillers, folic acid and seizure meds while dancing with an elephant. While I curse my family’s genes and wonder why I’ve been bred like a junkyard mongrel, I have one special favour to ask you guys.

The Irish Blog Awards are taking place soon and they are currently accepting nominations.
Now I don’t want to ask you guys to nominate me. That’s right, I don’t want to ask you guys. Hint hint. Cough cough. Nudge nudge. Wink wink. Hula dances towards you. Okay, so maybe I would like to be nominated, I probably didn’t make that obvious enough. I can put away the coconut bikini now.

If you would like to nominate me, you can click here. Since there doesn’t seem to be an owl category, I guess I’ll have to fit into humour, because according to my imaginary friend Sally,
I’m a funny gal. If you don’t want to nominate me, that’s cool, I won’t send my flea-infested flying monkeys after you. What? I said I won’t.

To be serious for a second (FYI, it’ll be more than a second) I have been unwell lately and I don’t know what’s wrong. You could say I’m going for the sympathy vote here, and you’d be right. I am.

Anyone who does nominate me, I sincerely thank you. When I get better, I will dedicate my next dance fight to you.

So please help me look like this:

Jurassic Park B***hes!
And don’t make me do this:

That was the best blog post about owls of all time, OF ALL TIME!

Thanks guys,
I’m going to take a little rest for a while but I’ll be back (said in a very non-threatening manner).

*I bought my own pee. Trust me, it was hilarious.

I should probably add that nominations close tomorrow, but whatever. *stares intently at you*

You will need the following info:
My email is and I live in Co. Roscommon.

That will make stalking me a lot easier.

Not the post I had intended, but…

So I had this post all written up and ready to go. And it disappeared.
It was about independence, there was pictures of Beyoncé and sea otters and me singing (with words…trust me, you would have sung along). AND IT’S GONE.

Needless to say, I was pissed. While my posts aren’t exactly top quality (you know I write them on my phone, while intermittently playing Candy Crush, drinking coffee/wine and throwing papers at my cat) and I won’t exactly be winning Pulitzer Prizes anytime soon (but wouldn’t that be SO COOL?!), I still love this blog and I love writing up my weird and random posts. Perhaps it’s revenge for being so blasé about it all. Boo, WordPress, boo.

So instead, I’ve just decided to throw together some of the thoughts that have run through my head today and maybe you can tell me what you’ve been thinking about and then we can have internet cake? Got it? Good.

1. I did a Luis Suarez impression for Jack but he thought I was impersonating Bette Midler. Typical.


2. Jack handed me a giant bread roll filled with chicken while I was watching TV and I was holding it like I imagine Hamlet held Yorick’s skull, wondering whether the 45 minutes on the cross trainer would be worth it, because carbs.
One of my former students happened to walk past my window, with a look of “why the hell is she staring at her food like that…oh yeah, because she’s weird.”


3. Girls really can be crazy. I met a guy in a bar about a month ago who was also a teacher. He happens to be a friend of a friend. We talked about our jobs, and I talked to him about my boyfriend. Literally, all we did was talk about our work (he’s also an English and history teacher).
Our mutual friend called me today to tell me that his girlfriend had been watching us and went insane and they had a massive fight that lasted weeks. I felt bad for about ten seconds, and then realised that it was completely innocent and she’s just cray cray. Maybe I should stop wearing hoochie lipstick?

Apparently these are the lips that will ruin your life…

4. I am one step closer to becoming BFFs with Chris O’ Dowd because my boyfriend and his Dad are friendly (they’re even Facebook friends). I keep asking when it will become acceptable to show up at their house with a six pack and apple pie.


5. I love my nieces. I spent a RIDICULOUS amount of money on them today and now I’m poor, but hey, who needs clothes? AMIRIGHT?

6. Jack thought “polo necks” were actually called “polar necks” and I realised that kinda makes sense.


7. We have a drink in Ireland called Cidona and it’s amazing.

I want it on me.

8. My other friend rang me wanting to know if she could put up pictures from a few years back of me on Facebook. I’m pole dancing upside down.
So no.
She did send me this picture, taken when I was 18 on her brick phone (it was huuuuge). Don’t I look like a moody cow? And I really miss that Rolling Stones top.


9. Squirrels are basically land beavers. Swans are basically posh ducks.

Look at him there, the snob.

10. I had to get my driving licence renewed and the guy processing my application thought I was crazy. After I got my picture taken (it was the WORST picture of me taken EVER. In fact, it might just be the worst picture taken EVER) all I could think of was this pic:

I literally burst out laughing in the guy’s face. And I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t. He looked really confused.

So that was my day today.
Tell me about yours!

P.S. Here’s the picture of the sea otters because I love you guys.


How to Escape Awkward Social Situations

We’ve all been there. You’re at a party. You get stuck talking to some dude or chick that you really don’t want to be with. It’s awkward, it’s unpleasant, it’s a seemingly never-ending encounter.

No more, my friend, no more.

Myself and Opinionated Duck were chatting away under one of my very mature posts about farting when suddenly we started talking about awkward social encounters, and we came up with some simple phrases to rid yourself of awkward company post-haste.

So without further ado:

June 19, 2014 at 8:06 pm Edit

“I’m sorry, I just remembered I have to go over there.”

June 19, 2014 at 8:09 pm Edit

“Is that seat empty?”

“Mine will be if you sit down.”

June 19, 2014 at 8:10 pm Edit

“Sometimes I form weird and inappropriate attachments to people I’ve just met.”

June 19, 2014 at 8:12 pm Edit

“I’m a female impersonator, what do you do?”

June 19, 2014 at 8:14 pm Edit

“A surprising amount of my roommates go missing.”

June 19, 2014 at 8:23 pm Edit

“Go on, ask me out.”

“Okay, get out.”

June 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm Edit

“I got you more wine. And I dropped a little surprise into it. Go on, guess what it is.”

June 19, 2014 at 8:27 pm Edit

“This is my house. Feel free to explore. Just, don’t, um, check under the bed…

June 19, 2014 at 8:29 pm Edit

“Doctors throw around a lot of words about my disease. Contagious, infectious, life-threatening…but I feel fine.”

And now some more, from me to you.

“They say ankle bracelets are hard to get off, but mine came off pretty easily.”

“That’s funny, my Mom said the exact same thing last night when she was bathing me.”

“Right now, I’m working on a campaign to have cat dressage recognised as an Olympic sport.”

“Well my civilian name is Jane, but I’d prefer if you call me ‘The Goblin'”.

“I just don’t get it. How can a man also be a bat?”

“You know, they say potatoes can’t feel anything, but you look them in the eye and say that.”

“Right now, I’m working on a novel about a serial killer that was never caught. Or as I like to call it, my autobiography.”

So now, you are equipped to escape any awkward social situation. Or get arrested. Whatever.


A present for you guys

So I wrote a rap to name check some of my favourite bloggers as a massive thank you to you all. I have provided you with a SICK beat to listen to so that you can actually rap along with this. Please, ignore the name of the song, I do not want to see your genitals.

So go on, press play, and proceed:

There once was a girl, we’ll call her Jane
She set up a blog, and its content’s insane
But she met some people who’ve made it so easy
So she wrote this rap to rival Jay-Z

She wants these guys to know one thing
That she once had a weird crush on sting
And also, she loves you all
Ok…that’s two things

First there’s Ben, who’s been here since the start
His blog is bitter
But he has a heart

Then there’s Trent, who’s so talented
And I can’t think of a word
To rhyme with talented
So I’ll just say that Trent is…really talented

Everyone say hi to Julie
I’mgonnagiveheranewnicknameforthepuposesofthisrhyme and call her “luley”
She’s one of the best
And her blog kicks more ass than chuck Norris’* (if he has a blog. He probably doesn’t…)

Then there’s Rob, who has a great name for rhyme (take note, Julie)
His blog is wonderful, all the time
Between weight loss tips and recipes
He showed me how to get guys drunk with ease (neat whiskey, I believe)

Lisa is one of my favourite chicks
I know you think the obvious word to use next would be d—
But get your mind outta the gutter
And check out this superstar of a blogger

Say hi to Z she’s one cool lady
She’s a teenage blogger with talent so crazy
She’s also as sweet as a bee
I’m actually allergic, but not to Z

Robin reminds me of my mom
Except she’s cooler than my mom
Now I feel bad for my mom
I’m going to stop rapping about my mom
Robin has the sweetest blog and it makes me smile
It’s a place I spend a while
Yes, that totally does make sense
Because it’s a rap, that’s the difference

Hacker, ninja, hooker, spy
This blogger is ill, she’s so fly!
You don’t need to go out foreign
To see a chick as hot as Aussa Loren(s). Ahem. (And in my case I do, because I live in Ireland.)

Helen likes wine and tea
But not together, is that just me?
She’s funny, she’s cute, she has blond hair
Her blog is great so head over there (but then come back because I’m not finished)

I can’t forget Sean cause he cracks me up
He’s reminds me of my guy friends that used to feel me up
His blog is great and he’s also cool
I can never read his stuff when I’m in school

There’s also Shit Show
Who speaks her mind
She is hilarious
Her blog is quite a find!
You’ll be hooked to her naughty anecdotes
And I really want to go drinking with her, like, TOTES!

The ‘S’ word also is a great blogger
Why don’t more words rhyme with blogger?
Anyway, she’s funny and talented in equal measure
Go check her out at your leisure (but really, do it now, she has good boobs. Apparently.)

Cheryl is a multitasker
What’s your favourite shark?
Mines a basker
Oh, is basking?
Well that just sucks
Because this rhyme now doesn’t work
Anyway, I love Cheryl to pieces
Not literally, cause that’s weird…Jesus

Minnie is as adorable as she is kind
Her blog really is one of a kind
Did I just rhyme kind with kind?
It’s my rap,so I’ll do what I want, kind

Running Betty likes to run
She also likes to blog, and it’s fun
I think that she’s one kick ass chick
And again, I’m not going to use the word d…

An upturned soul is classy and smart
So I hope she doesn’t mind being in my rap
I’ve also made a tenuous rhyme right there
But I wanted her to know that I care

Pouring my art out has the coolest name
And his blogging skills are so insane
He’s funny, he can draw and he looks like Jeffrey Lebowski
Oh crap, I’m never going to get a word to rhyme with Lebowski

The Hook sounds like a movie villain
But he’s actually really nice
He has a cool job where he meets some weirdos but I’m also weird and wait, I’ve always wanted to use the word kudos in a rap and it totally would have fitted in there…crap.
The Hook writes so hilariously
And I love his blog so *mumbles*

Mikey B runs a movie blog
It’s funny and clever and what rhymes with blog?
He’s an all round cool guy
and on a completely unrelated note,
Why can’t hens fly?

Melanie can rhyme a lot better than me
Check out her page and you will see
Her poems are amongst the best I’ve read
You won’t get her words out of your head
(Kind of like Vanilla Ice lyrics. But good.)

Speaking of poets, there’s too full to write
David Ellis, he’s the shite
Just to say, that’s a total compliment
And he deserves it, he’s a total talent

Ispontein is spontaneous
There’s a little inside all of us
His blog is clever and fun to read
Check him out and you’ll agree

I also cannot forget Whitney
She’s totally awkward, just like me
She makes me laugh with her awkward tales
Tales not tails cause what the hell?!

Finally, there’s Cats at the bar
Whose cats are adorable, they really are
I think he has about 18 cute cats
And cause he’s not a single lady
It’s not creepy

If I’ve left someone out
I’m awfully sorry
You can come over here
and scissor kick me

*for the purposes of the rap, just pronounce is nor-is-aaazzz. Go on. DO IT.

Beware: Major Love Buzz Post

Gah, this is going to sound really insincere (and did I just begin a post with the word “gah”?)…

…but I am being very sincere here. I have on my Abe Lincoln face right now. Actually, completely scratch that image from your mind, it’s a little disturbing.

I want to tell you guys a little tale. I did not have a good day today. I’m not going to expand on that, just take my word for it. I decided to do my previous post because I thought it would cheer me up a little. Before I began writing that post, I actually had drafted a pretty depressing post about how crap my day was. Then I realised that I was just complaining and that it wasn’t going to really contribute anything to anyone’s day, including mine. I let it in my drafts and thought about publishing it.

Just before I published my award post, Jack called me. He’s away on very important PhD business. As he was talking to me, I realised I was on the verge of tears; inexplicable but very real tears.

So when I came off the phone I had a little “get your shit together, Jane” pep-talk with myself and did up the last post. It did cheer me up.

But you know what really cheered me up? You guys. You guys had no idea how I was feeling and yet you managed to be the most positive influence on my day. You might think that your kind comments don’t mean that much to me, but the truth is, you have no idea how happy they make me. This is not me looking for kind comments, but rather thanking you. Thank you friends; for your encouragement, your faithfulness, your good humour, your intellect, your experiences…everything! Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and for leaving comments. Thank you for being kind to me. I really wish I could do more to repay you guys but you’ll just have to accept some invisible internet chocolate (and even though you’ve never met me, it’s totally legit. Promise.) I don’t think I have ever felt part of a nicer online community and it feels great. You guys are nicer than my Facebook friends. Just don’t tell them that. .

I know this all sounds so soppy, but you guys just make my day! Now let’s all get into a circle and sing Kumbaya.