5 Ways to Mildly Improve Your Day

Hey there grumpy-face! How do I know you’re grumpy? Look outside your window, hello! Haha, kidding…I can’t get another restraining order.

Anyway, I’ve compiled a list of ways for you to mildly improve your day because I’m nice like that.

1. Smile at a stranger

Now, listen carefully. This is important: your smile with either be interpreted as charming and friendly or creepy and unsettling. But the important thing is, you’re trying to be nice. And that always feels good.

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Source:http://gifsforum.com/listofgifs/gallery/creepy-smile

2. Pet an animal*
*Preferably your own. I mean sure, you could hang around the park, asking random strangers if you can stroke their pussycat or their bitch, but for some reason that usually results in an arrest. Instead, why not pet your dog/cat/turtle?

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Source: http://goodonyou.tumblr.com/post/24049490387

3. Siiiiing
Who cares if you sound like a cat being anally probed? You go and Disney the crap out of your day.
Just look how happy this cat is:

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Source: http://m.voices.yahoo.com/sound-good-karaoke-even-if-re-bad-singer-568852.html

4. Make an awards acceptance speech in front of a mirror

You wouldn’t believe how many Oscars I’ve won. Seriously, Meryl Streep has nothing on me. I once managed to win Best Actress and Best Actress in a Supporting Role in the same movie because I’m just that damn good. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, my fans.

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Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2282295/Study-reveals-Oscar-winners-thank-Harvey-Weinstein-God-half-mention-Academy.html

Look at me there, I just wasn’t expecting it….Any resemblance to the actress Gwyneth Paltrow is purely coincidental…

5. Narrate someone’s day
This might get veeerrrry annoying for other people but who cares as long as you’re having fun. Here’s a snippet of how I annoy my friend Anne.

Anne is eating her lunch. Anne doesn’t like her lunch. Anne is putting her fork down. Anne is staring at Jane. Anne seems displeased. Anne is moving away. Jane is following Anne. Anne is using profanities. Anne is having a baaaad day.

So there ya go! Happy weirding!

What are you doing today?

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Source
In the words of a wise old sage otherwise known as ‘R. Kelly’ it’s “the freakin’ weekend”. Usually, I’m working my way through a mound of paper work and student essays, but today, I’m relaxing. Mostly because if I read another short story where one of my teenage students happens across a member of One Direction and somehow ends up simultaneously marrying them all, I will go (more) insane.

As I write this, my West Highland Terrier is curled up beside me in bed, (he’s not usually allowed, but it’s stormy) and my cat is staring enviously at him, possibly plotting his death or something equally insidious.

Today marks the first day of the Six Nations rugby tournament, which is basically a competition between Ireland, England, Scotland, Wales, France and Italy. As some of you may know, rugby is another one of my passions (along with history, literature, animals and general weirdness). Today, there are two matches to keep me busy shouting obscenities at the television.

I plan on vegging out on the couch (there will be no actual vegetables involved, wait…is wine a vegetable?) and just taking it easy. My cat may or may not attempt to cause me grievous bodily harm, Jack will more than likely be working on his thesis and I will probably end up making another shepherd’s pie (we are addicted). All in all, a pretty mundane day lies ahead of me but the rest of my life is so incredibly exciting that I need a day off every now and again.*

What are your plans for today?

*Definitely not a lie

What I caught my boyfriend doing when I came home from work early today…

On Thursdays, I only have classes in the morning and then in the evening. Usually I stay behind in school and get some corrections done during my free afternoon, but today I decided to come home for lunch to surprise Jack.

As I walked in the door of our home, I couldn’t help but feel something was amiss. The atmosphere in the house was strange, tense even. I called his name but he didn’t respond. Then I heard him talking to someone. He sounded frustrated.

“No, it’s easy! You do this…How have you not got the hand of this yet?” I followed his terse tone to the kitchen….

…where I found him with our cat, Billie. He had attached the dog’s leash to her collar and she looked none too pleased; her eyes seemed to say “mam, help me.”

“Jack, what are you doing?” I asked him, keeping a safe distance.

“I’m teaching the cat how to walk on a leash.”

There was a silence.

“Um, shouldn’t you be working on your PhD?”

As I was talking to him, he was still negotiating with the cat. “Come on Billie, you can do it. There’s a sachet of whiskas in this for you.”

He looked at me. “Sometimes, I just need to take a break from my thesis, or I go kind of mad.”

Erm, ya don’t say Jack.

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My very photogenic cat

What you’ve been DYING to know

I fear it might be slightly vainglorious to write an ‘about me’ entry but I’ve garnered a few new followers and lets face it, my ‘about me’ section is fairly lacking in information because I substituted an attempt at humour for actual relevancy so…

~Well firstly, I’m a girl. Or more accurately, a woman. But I don’t like calling myself a woman because it suggests that I have to be all mature, sexy and grown up. At the moment, I’m on a recliner, wearing my boyfriend’s jumper and I just giggled at the word ‘horn’ on television, so I’m not sure I can call myself a woman. Maybe ‘old girl’… Nope, that makes me sound like a beat up ’54 Chevvy.

~I live in Ireland. I lived way down south but I moved a long way from home with my boyfriend because I got a job in a school up here. We do love it here, but we don’t know anyone so we are slightly lonely. I may have resorted to doing this last week:

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from timberwolfhq.com

~I’m a teacher. I teach English and history to secondary school students. I love my job but I’m not going to lie, my voice is already hoarse. And yes, it is kinda like ‘Dangerous Minds’.

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~I live with a wonderful guy called Jack who is doing a PhD and is so much more clever than me. No, he didn’t pay me to say that. He’s also handsome and kind (he did pay me for that). We’ve been together for nearly eleven years. Our relationship mostly revolves around us watching tv and making fun of each other.

~We have two dogs: Molly (a Border Collie) and Oscar (a Westie). We also have a cat, Billie, and four guinea pigs: Dolly, Emmy-Lou, Coco and Stevie. I love them all like they’re my kids. Who am I kidding? They are my kids. Get away from me with that giant net.

~I went to college for five years. I have a BA in English and history. I have an MA in International Relations and I have a Postgraduate Diploma in Education. You would think my blog would be slightly more intellectual but nope, I prefer to write about farting.

~No one, except Jack, knows that I have this blog which is why you won’t see any pictures of me, at least for a while. Just picture Cindy Crawford. Yeah, I look nothing like that.

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from Wikipedia

~My real name is not Jane. Sorry. But you can imagine it to be something much more interesting: like Champagne or Chaniqua.

~I used to suffer from Temporal Lobe Epilepsy which I have to admit, was pretty craptacular.
I experienced terrible bouts of depression, déjà vu and I had a terrible seizure in 2009 that resulted in a prolonged hospital stay.
I’ve been off my meds for over a year and I’ve been seizure free for four. It has affected my memory though, which is why my friends sometimes call me ‘Dory’ (the little fish from ‘Finding Nemo’).

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~I like film, poetry, reading, music, writing down all the weird thoughts my brain sends me and rolling around the floor with my pets being normal.

So now that we’re friends, why don’t you tell me something about yourself?

Sidenote: I know I’ve been producing blog entries at an insane rate (picture me looking like Howard Hughes and laughing manically) but it’s because I’m on holidays from school. Anyone thinking ‘calm down there, lil lady’ don’t fret, I’ll be back to school soon and my posts will be less frequent(ly annoying).

Fionn’s story…with a happy ending

I am writing about the following because it is something that has deeply affected me. Anyone who knows me knows that I love animals as much as I love my fellow human beings and I firmly believe they deserve the same respect and tolerance that we are expected to show one another.

A while back, a group that I follow on Facebook by the name of Cork Dog Action Welfare Group posted a picture of the most pitiful looking dog I have seen in a long time. This misfortunate creature was left to die in a pile of rubbish in Co. Cork, Ireland. A walker in the woods found him.

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His broken and rejected body was soaked and covered in scars. A hunting dog, he had clearly served his purpose for his owner and was of no more use. He had sustained a serious head injury and the charity group told us followers that they were not expecting happy news for the dog, which they aptly named Fionn. Fionn mac Chumhaill was a legendary ancient Irish hero and warrior, known for his strength and honour.

Cork DAWG continued to post pictures of Fionn’s progress. I found his eyes haunting; they seemed to question why all this suffering and pain had been inflicted on him, a dog that was no doubt as loyal and loving as any.

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The story attracted widespread disgust and shock, as well-wishes and donations flooded in for Fionn, as well as praise for the great work of all the volunteers at Cork DAWG.

Today, Fionn appears to be doing well. I cannot describe my happiness as I looked at the pictures of Fionn’s health steadily improving. He is walking around and eating by himself which you can see here

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I don’t want this to sound disingenuous or insincere, but this is genuinely the best Christmas present I could have asked for: to see a dog, who no doubt had never experienced love or affection of any kind be treated with such care and warmth. He now can hopefully live a life of dignity, like he deserves.

Although we could allow ourselves to become angry at the person who put Fionn in this position, I think there is something more profound and important to take from this: Fionn is alive because of the kindness and compassion of humans. The outpouring of donations and enquiries into Fionn’s welfare have proven to me that even though there was someone evil enough to abandon Fionn like this, more people cared enough to save his life. Humanity is essentially compassionate and caring and this comforts me greatly.

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope that you can take from this story what I did: that while there is great cruelty in the world, there is also compassion, kindness, love and charity. That, to me, is what Christmas is about. Please spare a thought for Fionn. You can visit the Cork DAWG Facebook page and read more about Fionn here

You can also read about the story here

All pictures taken from Cork Dog Action Welfare Facebook page