The Silliest Arguments I’ve Had With My Partner

Why, hello there. Fancy meeting you here. Is that a new shirt? How’s your significant other/family pet? Okay, now that the awkward small talk is out of the way, let’s get cracking!

I recently read the most hilarious thread on Reddit about the silliest arguments couples have had with their other halves. It got me thinking about my lovely other half, and our famously petty arguments. So here, for your viewing (er, reading?) pleasure, are the stupidest arguments that we’ve had (or continually have) throughout our relationship:

DISCLAIMER: 90% of the time, Jack and I are normal people who get on better than 1980’s Oprah and a Twinkie. Sometimes we disagree. And it’s ridiculous. Prepare to judge us.

1.I was once watching a programme about a man with a pet hippopotamus. The man fed the hippo litres of coffee everyday. Jack laughed and said ‘she reminds me of you’. He meant because she’s seriously addicted to coffee but since I had a bigger case of PMS than Bill O’ Reilly on his own show, I freaked out because I basically thought he was calling me a hippo. There was a lot of tearful ‘WHY DON’T I JUST GO LIVE IN THE RIVER’s before I finally calmed down and realised that meh, hippos are awesome anyway.

 

2.Conversely, I once called him ‘my little badger’ on account of his greying hair, which FYI, I LOVE. Turns out I meant Silver Fox. Fox, badger…what’s the real difference amirite?! *Nervous laugh*

3.I had a dream that he cheated on me with Rita Ora and honestly I couldn’t even look at him the next day. Now when I see her on TV, I actively hiss.

4.I woke him up from a dream where he was chopping wood with Steve Guttenberg and it was ‘the best dream ever’ and I ‘ruined it.’ How do I even apologise for that?!

5.He threw my stuffed owl toy in an old box and he got dirty. Hooty was never quite the same after that. *stares sadly into the distance*

6.I beat him at chess and just before I checkmated his ass, he flipped the board over. He says he “fell” but who karate chops a chess board as they’re falling?!

7.I make him apologise to our pets when he gets snarky with them. The dog knows when he’s being sarcastic.

8.When we play video games and he kills any animals. MONSTER.

9.When I don’t listen. Here’s an example:

Jack: Love, did you hear Leonard Nimoy died?

Me: Uh-huh.

*2 hours later*

Me: Oh no! Leonard Nimoy died!

Cue much disgruntled tutting and eye rolling. 

10. When he throws his clothes on the floor. He has a wardrobe and a laundry basket RIGHT THERE but oh no, the floor seems as good a place as any for his clothes. *Deep breath from inhaler*

angry dr. cox scrubs gif

11. When he farts and deliberately closes all the windows in the car, or wafts the smell towards my unsuspecting and delicate nose. Animal.

12. When he “honks” my boobs. IT HURTS.

13. His procrastination is so bad that he makes Hamlet look like John McClane. I’ve forgiven him because he has just inspired me to write the greatest screenplay of all time, which may or may not involve a Shakespearean-Die Hard crossover. *Scribbles furiously on notepad*

14. When it’s his turn to cook, I can see him in the kitchen manically over-seasoning everything. I don’t want to sound high maintenance so I tentatively ask ‘um, are you sure the steaks need that much salt and pepper?’ and he’ll tell me he used a ‘pinch’ even though I’ve seen him twist the pepper grinder like a genius kid on TV works a Rubik’s Cube.

 

 

15. I have a habit of unintentionally figuring out the endings of mystery/horror films. I say something like ‘I’ve got it now. I know who killed the gardener!’ For about twenty seconds, there’ll be a silence and then an exasperated sigh as he says ‘fiiiine. Who did it?’ I explain that it was clearly the chimney sweep, because he suddenly got that fancy new rake and sweeping brush set. Obvs.

16. I’m almost always on the other line when he’s trying to call me for something important. In my defence, hearing my friend’s dog howl the theme tune to Baywatch is pretty important. Jack can pull himself out of a car wreckage. HE HAS TWO HANDS. Sheesh.

17. Whether cheese is the ambrosia of the gods or a curdled block of unspeakable malevolence.

18. We in Ireland have several words for a hair tie or thin scrunchie. I say ‘bobble’, he says ‘bobbin’. BOBBLE/BOBBIN, LET’S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF!

19. He wants to put items of clothing on the cat. The cat (and her very over-protective mother) don’t approve.

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Yes, that’s my cat. In a fez. She also has a duffel coat.

20. I like to drink pint glasses of milk, which he thinks is weird. He eats his pasta and sauce straight from the saucepan with no plate, but sure, I’m the weird one. At least I’m weird with strong bones. So there. 

I wish I could say this is it, but there’s so many more. The important thing is that he is amazing and we love each other and CLOTHES DO NOT BELONG ON THE FLOOR….I mean, you know….true love.

Do you have any petty arguments you’d like to share? Unload in the comments!

 

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58 thoughts on “The Silliest Arguments I’ve Had With My Partner

  1. Lisa @ cheergerm says:

    Pick up the clothes!! (My two young boys do this and now I am thinking I have no hope for the future and any future girlfriends. Oh well, then it won’t be my problem..) The first argument the Yak and I ever had was over whether or not you could buy cheese by the kilo. I mean, I worked in a damn deli at the time whilst doing my food course…and so it has gone ever since….(btw….you CAN buy cheese by the kilo….14 years later and it still riles me up…)

    • janeybgood says:

      It must be a man thing. I have all my clothes neatly hanging in my wardrobe and his are lucky to even be balled up in there. His mother told me to expect it.
      Ah, the ‘contradict even though you know what you’re talking about’. Been there, sister. But more importantly, I am now going to buy a kilo of cheese.

  2. pensitivity101 says:

    Oh so funny!
    Hubby and MOH always gang up on me for dominoes. I admit to getting shitty when I can’t go for the 5th time in a row and then they snooker it between them so that I can’t get rid of my high tiles (like the complete 8 series…. we play 9s). I wouldn’t mind once in a while, but it’s every game dammit!! Now if I have a winning streak, I get accused of cheating and MOH sulks worse than I do. Hubby finds it a riot (but then he would!!!)

    • janeybgood says:

      For a minute there, I thought you were talking about the pizza and I was like ‘no one could steal *my* pizza!’ haha!
      It’s so frustrating when people gang up on you while playing a game, isn’t it? I am a bit of a sore loser though haha. I haven’t the foggiest how to play dominoes but it sounds fun!

  3. Jessie Reyna says:

    Mm yes, the bitter arguments that mean nothing. Sam pronounces the word “bagel” as “BAG-EL” while I pronounce the normal way, “BAY-GEL”. So every time he asks for a bag-el, I insist that I don’t know what he is speaking of.

    • janeybgood says:

      BAG-EL… I can’t stop laughing at this. I mean, it sounds like the German for bagel. Even us Irish say BAY-GEL and we pronounce everything with the alternate ‘a’ pronunciation.

      • Jessie Reyna says:

        He claims its a Minnesota-thing but I met other people from Minnesota in a bar once and asked them, and they looked at me like I have six heads. It’s just a Sam-thing, clearly.

      • janeybgood says:

        It’s kind of adorable. He might have read it before he heard it and just assumed. In the words of my good friend Steven Seagal “assumption is the mother of all f-ups”. BAG-EL. It just doesn’t get old.

  4. The V-Pub says:

    We have some eternal differences. I know that this sounds petty – BUT – the toothpaste. Please do not let it squeeze onto the bathroom counter. And never, ever do that to a guitar again. 😀

    • janeybgood says:

      I get this. It’s really hard to scrub off the sink. Although I do sometimes get my beauty products all over the place.
      RIP guitar. So cruel. I should have considered your feelings lol! 😀

      • The V-Pub says:

        Yes! I had a weird thing happen to me while cleaning the pots and pans. A piece of pasta had dried on the pot, and I tried to scrape it off with my finger nail. Yes, it went straight under my nail like a wooden splinter. Ouch. That’s what I get for not letting the pots and pans soak.

  5. Erica Herd says:

    Very cute. Yes, sometimes my husband puts dirty clothes on the floor or on the corner of the bed instead of in the hamper. Sometimes dishes in the sink are left un-rinsed. I’m more of a hoarder, so I tend to cover the coffee table with stuff, which he promptly puts on the shelf underneath. Little things.

    • janeybgood says:

      I try to not get too obsessive over cleaning and tidying up because I used to be quite bad. I don’t know how many times a day I move things around the house!
      It sounds like these issues are common areas of contention in relationships! Thanks for reading 🙂

  6. cordeliasmom2012 says:

    Driving, with him as a passenger. Definitely the worst-ever situation. I drive myself back and forth to work every day, including driving back and forth at lunch, in city traffic, so I know what I’m doing. Trust me. But when he’s a passenger (in my car yet), he finds it necessary to point out all upcoming red lights, stop signs, and places I need to turn. He tells me I’m driving too fast, or too slow. It got so bad that one time I was driving him to the ER because he thought he was having a heart attack, and after listening to his criticism of my driving, I told him if he didn’t shut up he could get out and walk the rest of the way to the hospital. He shut up.

    • janeybgood says:

      LOL! I shouldn’t laugh but your response was hilarious!
      I have to confess that I myself am a bit of a ‘back seat driver’. Only because my boyfriend actually crashed my car once and completely destroyed it and I’ve been nervous ever since. I do get that it’s insanely annoying though because my mother does it. She actually grips the door handle when I drive. It’s ridiculous haha!

    • janeybgood says:

      Hahaha why thank you! Well, these are only the ones that were actually shareable over the internet lol!
      It’s so funny how couples all have these little things that wind them up. I also use the raised wiggled eyebrows from time to time! Thanks for reading 😀

  7. dweezer19 says:

    Ohhhh yeaaaahhhh. We have plenty. And if I could remember them all you would think them quite ludicrous. We have finally, after 28 years together, come to realize that most happen because of the language barrier that exists between us. He speaks in techno, round the mulberry bush over detailed jargon while I am a straight to the point, “let’s get to the point” kind of gal. And he REFUSES to learn m language (much like the Spanish he swore he’d learn if only I bought him that Rosetta Stone program) i did. He didn’t. And we argue over gricery items. I can shop alone and never bring home yhe wrong item. If we go togwther, he is constantly taking what ever I pick from the shelf and inspecting it for dents, expiration dates and well…just suspicious looking reasons to exchange it for the one HE picks out. Drives me “in a wall” as his nephew used to say when he was small. Lol. He tries to say “”praylene” (for praline) but hey I am from Louisiana where they originated and I can tell you it is “”prawlene” ALL day long in the French Quarter. 😛 As long as you can come out on the other side laughing about it you guys will be great.

    • janeybgood says:

      In its own weird way, it’s lovely that we get to know each other so well and that we’re comfortable enough not to be polite about it all haha.
      Ah, the grocery shopping. We go together because we never pick up the right items for each other. But he gets super distracted and I end up being all like ‘hun, do we needs eggs? EGGS? HELLO? EGGS? DO. WE. NEED. EGGS?,
      Gah, romance, right??
      We actually discussed praylene/prawlene thing recently. I’ve always said prawlene so now I feel vindicated!

      • dweezer19 says:

        As well you should Janey. Because it is the right way. 😉 I also have a great recipe if you want to die by sugar overdose. Lol
        Ahh the grocery store. He is always looking for that jar of strange imported hot peppers or exotic fruit that shouldn’t even be shipped here and, once purchased, will end up in the rar of the firdge until it becomes like an old antique we just can’t toos uot because it was too expensive. “Well, the one I ate tasted pretty good, but I haven’t been in the mood for Rainforst Pickled Plums latley dear…” 😒

      • janeybgood says:

        Oh really? I live for sugar and all things coma inducing haha.
        Oh the exotic jar thing happens to us all the time! I am a sucker for packaging too, so I’ll buy all these cute looking teas that I never drink. The cupboard is full of them haha.

  8. JunkChuck says:

    This is a great post–not only do I feel better about the small things my wife and I fight about, but I feel like I’ve gotten to know you and yours in 3 easy minutes. Nicely done!

    • janeybgood says:

      Thank you! There’s soo many more things we quibble about but I felt some of these were at least some bit relatable. It’s funny reading how everyone else has the same little arguments!

  9. LonerBlood says:

    Shall I even mention the toilet seat? Trite, yes. I’m sure most women can relate. When I was pregnant (3rd trimester), I had to pee every 5 minutes. I got up in the middle of the night to “go” and plunged my preggo ass right into the bowl. Oi! Not fun.
    And let’s now talk about the toilet paper role since we’re in the bathroom: the paper comes OVER the roll, not under. The reason for this is that when you yank the paper, the entire roll doesn’t unravel.

  10. Spence's Girl says:

    Oh my! These are hilarious – and relatable. Spence is rather gassy and I’m always like “EEW, light some incense man” to which he ALWAYS says “it doesn’t even smell” or “I’m sitting next to the fireplace, it’s going up the flue”
    Yeah right! Why are my eyes watering and my nose hair is melting?
    Thank you for sharing, I feel less alone.

    • janeybgood says:

      Almost every female I’ve spoken with about the clothes thing agrees! It’s funny.
      Oh we still can’t watch anything with Steve Guttenberg without him throwing me a look haha. Thanks for reading 🙂

    • janeybgood says:

      They really are the worst dreams ever haha! While the xfactor was on the other night, I was passing snarky comments about Rita Ora because I really hate her now lol.
      I know. I’m going to get Michael Bay to direct it. I’ll be rich I tells ya! Thanks for stopping by 😀

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