This Post is Going to Get Weird

Ugh. *Makes this face:*

  

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Ask me what’s wrong. What’s wrong Jane?

Oh, nothing. 

Ask again. What’s wrong Jane? 

Okay, fine. If you absolutely must know, I was lying awake last night (you know, wondering if my boyfriend’s snoring was comparable to a vibrating mountain goat or a hungry llama. Standard) and I mentally wrote a poem. And it was amazing. I mean, I know it’s easy to say that now, but really, you guys would’ve been all like:

I mean, if you’re post 2007 Britney and you’ve made some questionable life choices…as you were.

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I even was practicing my Nobel prize acceptance speech, where I would’ve been all like “and finally…thank you Mother Nature, for the words.” 

I woke up this morning, and I had forgotten every word. Every. Single. Word. I don’t even know what my poem was about. It could have been Homeric in its epicness (or been about dancing iguanas) but alas…the world will never know. *wipes single tear away from eye* 

Anyway, I’ll get over it. I’m technically on Easter holidays at the moment, which means this:

 

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Jack is working most days, which means I’m just lolling about the house, trying to teach my cat how to do bookkeeping, ’cause I figure that’ll come in handy at some stage. She’ll be like my personal Andy Dufresne.

My health hasn’t been great. I’m not a hypochondriac…which is totally something a hypochondriac would say, d’oh. But I’ve had ongoing problems for over a year now and I’ve decided to abstain from dairy and wheat just to see if it helps. So far, it hasn’t and I’m super-cranky because I can’t have milk chocolate, which is the equivalent of taking hairspray off this guy: 

  

Hint: We both get a little stabby…

 

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I have a lot to look forward to, though. My sister is getting married in June and a week later, one of my best friends is getting married too. I’m her bridesmaid, which is potentially the worst decision she has ever made but hey, let’s go with it. Her hen party is next weekend, and I just ordered the most ridiculous costume to wear. Let’s just say it involves leg warmers and a tutu. I don’t even know how that happened. I’m going to make Lady Gaga’s fashion choices look conservative. 

So that’s basically my life right now. I have some fun things coming up, which I will reveal in due course. 

So…why don’t you tell me what’s been going on with you and I’ll tell you how I used to think line dancing was actually called lion dancing and wouldn’t lion dancing actually be amazing? Okay, bye. 

84 thoughts on “This Post is Going to Get Weird

  1. Blue290 says:

    I hate it when I forget dreams or epic thoughts. I tried using Speech to Text and composing a blog post while driving in my car on the way home. (Parole/End of work seems to free the spirit) The only problem is, the speech to text sucks…and then it’s laced with a string of curse words as I forget I am being “recorded”….I give free driving advice to my fellow escapees.

    I laughed at your wedding comment. I was asked to be a “Best Man”…I told my Nephew/Groom….You need better/more friends.

    Yes..It was called Lion Dancing until Garth Brooks sued for the name changed.

    • janeybgood says:

      I have also used text to speech but my heavy Irish accent means that it’s all incomprehensible rubbish…which wouldn’t be too out of place on my blog anyway😀 I can’t imagine doing it while driving, kudos!
      Ha, yeah, I don’t know why someone would choose me as a bridesmaid but it’ll be fun. I hope.
      Haha, nobody challenges Garth Brooks and comes out the other side.

  2. Oscar Relentos says:

    Lion dancing would absolutely be amazing it sounds majestic haha I used to think craisins were California raisins, then I found out they were really dried cranberries. It shattered a paradigm for me I don’t even know if I’ve ever had a regular old cranberry straight up

    • janeybgood says:

      I’ve never even heard of craisins but they sound intriguing…I’ve actually said the word craisins about five since reading your comment haha! At least your assumption is somewhat logical; mine just makes no sense lol

      • Oscar Relentos says:

        Well at least the nonsensical can sometimes lead to amazing visuals, lion dancing is now forever in my head they look very proper in my imagination and they are wearing tuxedoes and there is a ballroom haha as a sidenote craisins go well in both cereals and salads

      • janeybgood says:

        Well this might just be my favourite comment ever haha! Are the lions standing on their hind legs? Cause that’s what I’m imagining.
        Now Imma have to look up craisins😀

      • Oscar Relentos says:

        They are standing on their hind legs lmao and the male lion goes up to the lioness with one front paw held behind his back, and his other paw raised out to the seated lioness in a ‘may I have this dance my lady lioness’ sort of way. And the lioness stands on her hind legs with a sort of shy and flattered acceptance while they move onto the ballroom floor. I’m rambling now haha but glad you like the thought I’m branching from your spark! And I hope you find the time to enjoy deliciousness of craisins at your own leisure!😀

      • janeybgood says:

        Bahahaha, I am so going to put this comment into a post sometime because it has made me laugh out loud😀 like, this is literally how I think haha. Someone needs to make this a Disney movie NOW! Thank you!

      • Oscar Relentos says:

        Lmao that’s awesome! And thanks for liking the name it’s a pen name haha it makes it easier for me to mentally separate my writing self from other things, it’s sort of like a method mask where I’m not afraid of being completely positive and constantly writing definitely happy you guys like it!😀

  3. cordeliasmom2012 says:

    Made me laugh. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written an entire, totally astounding, post in my sleep, or while tossing and turning trying to sleep, and then forgotten the whole thing by morning. I have a pad and pen next to my bed, but I’m always too tired to actually write the stuff down at that moment – I keep thinking I’ll write in as soon as I get up in the morning, but I never do. I think we’ve all been there, done that.

  4. The V-Pub says:

    I’d rather have something brilliant that I’ve forgotten, than remember something that I thought was brilliant. For example, thinking that I invented the door knob. Yes, it seemed so amazing at the time. No longer would people get stuck behind a door. Oh well…
    Now, onto something far more important – your hen party costume. You must make a solemn swear to post your photos wearing said costume. Deal?

  5. brittabottle says:

    Oh goodness, so sorry about the milk chocolate. I’m trying to abstain from eating too much wheat and dairy, too, just because too much of both makes me feel sluggish. The other night I had a bit too much cream cheese with my dinner and I felt absolutely disgusting afterwards. I so miss the days when I could eat dairy without feeling slightly ill.🙂

    • janeybgood says:

      I know how you feel. It’s terrible. I can’t even have butter now and everything wheat free and dairy free is just not half as tasty. But the pain and discomfort is just not worth it!
      Yep, I totally took the days where I could gorge on bread and cheese for granted😦

      • brittabottle says:

        I agree, it’s not worth it. Every now and then I decide to bear the discomfort to have something with a lot of dairy in it, but I always end up regretting it a little bit. Of course, there are plenty of other tasty foods out there, but I so miss when I could eat anything without feeling borderline ill afterwards.

      • janeybgood says:

        Me too. Most of the food I eat now is so bland and I still have discomfort so it doesn’t even feel worth it. I can’t believe how cranky lack of chocolate has made me haha!

  6. pensitivity101 says:

    Leg warmers and a tut eh? Interesting combination. Look forward to reading your post on that! I still have chocolate even though I’m type 2 diabetic. Guess I’m lucky though in that I can eat what I fancy, just watch the ‘bad things’. Ham, mushroom and tomato pasta tonight with ginger and garlic. Ginger is good for type 2 diabetics, and garlic is good for my blood pressure!

  7. Jessie Reyna says:

    They always see leave a pad of paper on your night stand in case you come up with some genius ideas. Of course, nobody ever does it except Stephanie Meyer! Therefore, I have the same problem😦

    • janeybgood says:

      I can just imagine her waking up and doing “ooh, werewolf!” and falling back asleep haha!
      Yeah, I totally couldn’t do this. Like I said to another poster, we need dictaphones😀

  8. cheergerm says:

    That poem would have been totally ace, I just know it. Lion dancing, completely understandable. When I was a young gel, I read some Archie comic books. I thought the word ‘sonofagun’ was an actual word.. Said fast with the accent on the ‘of’ in the middle. (As in sonOFFagun). Quite a while later, I realised it was ‘ son of a gun’… Stupid comic books….

  9. amandalyle1986 says:

    Argh…I feel your pain. So many nights I have gone to bed with amazing ideas in my head and woken up to… not only my husband’s snoring, but…well…nothing! My brain stayed asleep and my idea’s forever gone. So frustrating…but hey! You get to wear leg-warmers and a tutu… I never get an excuse to do this! Have fun at the wedding’s… I love a good wedding I do!😀

    • janeybgood says:

      Maybe we’re all geniuses but sleep ruins everything. Hmm. And men snoring… WHATS WITH THAT?!
      To be fair, I had to be coerced into the tutu because I am not a fan of 80’s fashion, even for dress up. I wanted to shell suit it too. Weddings are fun! I’ve never been a bridesmaid either so can’t wait! Hope you enjoyed Turkey😀

      • amandalyle1986 says:

        The snoring is unbearable…but to add to that, my husband also grinds his teeth. Eeeeek! Drives me insane! I’m so glad he lives abroad and I have a nice ‘quiet’ bed to myself, in which I dream up amazing ideas and then forget them by the morning! It must be to do with sleeping… Perhaps we should drink more coffee and stay up all night?!

        I love the 80’s fashion, almost as much as I love the 90’s! I’m actually quite jealous.

        Being a bridesmaid is so much fun, but please don’t wear a shell-suit😉

      • janeybgood says:

        My sister used to grind her teeth. We shared a room growing up and I used to run over to her bed and kick her. I really hope she never finds this haha! I would love a bed to myself in a lot of ways🙂
        I’ve a feeling if we did the coffee/staying up all night thing, we’d end up like Jack Torrance in The Shining😀
        I do love 90’s fashion. I mean, torn jeans and hair mascara; what’s not to love?!
        Haha, bridesmaid shell-suits sounds very Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

      • amandalyle1986 says:

        A shell-suit wedding! Could you imagine?! Eeeek!

        Hair mascara was the best! I remember painting my hair RAINBOW… I must have bought every hair mascara colour going and then painted strands separately in each colour…I’m just glad no one ever took photographic evidence! *hangs head in shame*

        And yes… Better not over do it on the late nights and coffee. Our poems would be INSANE! It would be an interesting experiment though… Like how many nights we could stay up and still be able to write in a sensical way! Hmm *rubs imaginary beard*

        Right, all this excitement has made me tired. Think I’m going to jump into my peaceful bed…

        Goodnight, my shell-suit loving blogger friend🙂

      • janeybgood says:

        Haha, if only there was photographic evidence! I used to want to be blonde so I put orange (yes, ORANGE) hair mascara in my hair. It was HIDEOUS. (I’m ashamed to admit it took me ages to spell hideous correctly.)
        That would be very interesting. By night three we’d either be writing like Oscar Wilde or about unicorns with rainbow tails.
        I’m off to bed too, sleep well Amanda🙂

      • amandalyle1986 says:

        Haha! I think we’d definitely be writing about the latter!

        And orange hair mascara….now I’m reaaaaally jealous! Oh how I would love to see photo evidence of that.

        Goodnight! Make sure you remember to put your earplugs in!😉

  10. Shauna841505 says:

    This is definitely the story of a writer’s life! Hahaha. I do this all the time, with lists. I keep them in my head before bed, because CLEARLY that is the best place for them, and I forget by morning. Btw…is a hen party like a bachelorette party!?

    • janeybgood says:

      Ha, the notes section of my phone is just full of random lists. I don’t even know what they mean anymore!
      Yep it is! Total craziness that I am equally excited about and dreading😀

  11. Spence's Girl says:

    I love your blog. This just cracked me up and love the photos you used. Brilliant. Trying to picture the costume you’ll be wearing at the wedding and I think you must post pictures. I’ll be writing a blog piece soon that is as weird as any dream I’ve ever had (random, inexplicable) and yet it happened as Spence and I overheard a conversation between two men at a neighboring booth in a restaurant a couple days ago. It was so bizarre that I came home and had to write notes to myself since I’d never remember it by the next day. I think people will assume I’m embellishing but I’m frankly not that creative. It scares me that these people live in my community. That’s all for now, thanks for another great post!

    • janeybgood says:

      Haha, thank you. The costume arrived in the post today and it is…interesting. I’ll try and post pictures.
      Ooh this sounds very intriguing! I’m looking forward to it. Sometimes these overheard conversations seem so surreal. I sometimes have looked around for hidden cameras😀

  12. dweezer19 says:

    Been there Janey. Done it. I used to have a hand held mini recorder for my dreams in the middle of the night. But I loathe losing poems or those moments of literary brilliance. 😉I now keep pen and paper handy and get up and scribble down at least shorthand notes that will spark my memory in the light of day. Yup. Enjoy your vacay.

    • janeybgood says:

      That’s what I should do. You have a very creative mind! Whereas once I’m in bed, that’s it, I can’t move. The house could be ok fire and I wouldn’t get up😀
      Thank you! And maybe I should begin some kind of note taking system🙂

      • dweezer19 says:

        When I have a dream I want to remember I sometimes wake my husband and tell hm. Then I can recall it in the morning. How does the BF feel about poetry readings in the wee hours?😉

      • janeybgood says:

        Ha, I don’t think he’d be too happy. Between me kicking him in my sleep and randomly bursting into fits of laughter in my sleep, I think he’s had enough of my nighttime escapades😀
        Although your idea is good. I’ll test the water 😀

  13. hannahabell1013 says:

    I’m a-goin’ line dancing tonight! There usually aren’t any lions in attendance. That would make things more interesting though.😉

    And it is the most frustrating thing to forget something you thought of at night time! I forget funny dreams all the time, or even more things that my sister says in her sleep…. And I tell myself that it’s soooo funny, there’s no way I’ll forget. Huh, yeah right. What makes my nocturnal memory so awful???

    I hope something spurs your memory so you can remember.🙂 Have a great weekend!

    • janeybgood says:

      Ooh, I’d love to go line dancing. Lucky you😀 it’s a pity there’s no real lions though haha!
      Ha, yes, I often have some crazy night time sleep chatting. I’ve often woken up sitting up in bed in mid conversation…with myself. Night time is weird!
      Thanks! Have a great weekend and enjoy line dancing!

  14. Patrice says:

    Can you have dark chocolate? My dr. told me to not have gluten, sugar, alcohol, dairy, blah, blah, blah…basically anything that tastes good I cannot have…but she said I can have dark chocolate if it’s over 70% cacao. I never liked dark chocolate before, but it’s grown on me and now I love it and it saves my sanity.

    • janeybgood says:

      I actually can. I bought it in the supermarket the other day and while it’s not as tasty as milk chocolate, it’s still nice and beats the cravings🙂 I made some mousse too and it was very nice. I just have small amounts after I eat. It’s lovely with red wine…even a small amount 😋

  15. Chelly says:

    hahaha I’m really sorry you forgot the words of your poem!
    I get grumpy too without chocolate! you should get foods of athenry cookie shots! they’re chocolate cookies! AND they’re gluten, wheat, dairy, yeast & egg free! AND they’re delicious!😀 a little pricey but so worth it! I get them in Supervalu in the freefrom section
    It took 4 months for me to notice anything at all on my elimination diet & now I no longer need a daily anti-histamine for dust allergies and my general health improved just because I went off what I’m intolerant to! So don’t give up! GPs don’t believe in it but I’m the evidence it works!🙂 It’s easier when you know exactly what you’re intolerant to though and how bad your intolerance is to each thing (so you know what you can cheat on😀 ) I did this intolerance test in case you want to check it out! http://www.fitzwilliamfoodtest.com/ I think Boots do this one as well
    Always try to find a good alternative for everything so then you don’t feel hungry & deprived! a nutritionist told me only eat stuff you like because otherwise you’ll never stick to it! Rice Dream Milk is the nicest dairy-free in my opinion🙂 And some bakeries do wheat/dairy free so you won’t have to do it yourself!
    also nairns gluten free biscuits are really nice with tea😀

    • janeybgood says:

      Thanks so much for all the suggestions, you’re the bestest!
      I was struggling with it, tbh. I am feeling a lot better though! I can’t believe the change in me. My local Supervalu is rubbish and there’s hardly anything in the gluten free section but I might head to the one in the next town.
      I must take one of those tests. I’m also starting to take note of what I eat, and also when, because I find that I get pain at certain times of the day.
      You’re right; the Rice Dream was definitely the best. I didn’t like the almond milk because it tasted far too much like almonds (duh, haha).
      I got those lemon biscuits in Supervalu (they’re dairy and gluten free) and they were verrrrry lemony so thanks for the biscuit suggestion too! I’m glad you’re doing well and thanks so much for all the amazing advice😀

      • Chelly says:

        Ya i dont like almond milk either😀 I don’t know where u live but the supervalus in westport Co mayo & Blackrock Co. Dublin have the best selections I’ve seen so far!😀 and I also use evergreen.ie for ordering porridge and other free from flours and stuff! I’m glad to help cos I know how shitty it is to have to stick to it when everyone around u are normal human beings who aren’t food sensitive at all!😀 oh there’s also dairy free ice-cream in sv now called no bó! Best stuff ever😀

      • janeybgood says:

        Oh thank you so much! This is really helpful. I’m not really near either of those (closer to Westport but still a bit away) but I will look up the website and the ice cream. The name is lovely too ha!
        I am slowly starting to feel better but I never realised just how sickening and awful it can be😦 thanks for all the great suggestions!

    • janeybgood says:

      I think I should. It happened again the other night.
      For someone like you, it’s different. You probably get flashes of genius. I get “rhinos look like fat unicorns” haha.

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