Why I Stopped Drinking*

Ah, alcohol. We’ve had quite a tempestuous relationship. Sure, we’ve had some fun. Without your influence, I probably wouldn’t have mastered the ancient Japanese art of dance-karate or had the courage to perform a rap battle with a Spanish bus driver (hola, Javier). Then again, I also wouldn’t have broken and permanently damaged my ankle running down a mountain, or thrown a stiletto at a policeman because I thought he called me fat (turns out he was gently reminding me to watch the kerb). 



I’m not proud to admit this, but I started drinking alcohol at a young age. I grew up in a tiny village in the countryside, and there was only so much twirling on mountaintops dressed as Austrian milk maidens that we could do before even that got a little tedious.



As angst-ridden teenagers, my friends and I got bored and apathetic pretty easily. We did all the normal teenage things- we played sports, watched TV together, played the PlayStation, and set each other ridiculous dares (sorry if I have ever prank called any of you, but I really did care whether your refrigerator was running or not, honestly).

We were also a little awkward. Teenagers have it tough; there’s societal expectations thrust upon them that seem unattainable, they have hormones flying everywhere and they struggle with seemingly unending self-esteem issues. For my friends and I, most of these problems seemed to disappear when we had alcohol. We were suddenly more confident, more sociable and more uninhibited. Looking back, we were really, really stupid. We just didn’t realise what a potentially dangerous situation we were creating. We had no idea what the alcoholic content of most drinks was so we ingested vodka and other spirits like I would now drink water. My girlfriends and I freely drank around boys we barely knew and put ourselves into very vulnerable situations. We all had our fair share of personal problems and I suppose we drank to excess to forget these, but mostly, we drank because it was fun.

Of course, I’m not condoning teenage drinking. That’s irresponsible and I have a teenage dog, so I’m all about responsibility. There are a whole load of things that can go wrong for an intoxicated teenager, and things did go wrong for us. Sometimes someone got hurt, or did something stupid, but it didn’t stop us. I regret what I now see as the premature loss of my innocence; I wish I had been closer to my family and had followed the influence of my still teetotal older brother.

My family portrait…


Things only got more wild in college. And although I was a little indulgent with the liquor at times, I don’t regret it all that much because I was a little older and wiser. I had the time of my life, I made amazing friends and I once arrived home in a trolley dressed as a mermaid. And everyone loves trollies, see?

Look at his faaaace


But I knew it had to stop at some stage. I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2009 and my brain just couldn’t keep up with the pina coladas anymore (and let’s face it, my brain is weird enough already). Since I left college, I probably drank alcohol about twice a year. The problem is, when I did drink, I went crazy. I have the most hilarious, fun-loving group of friends and when we get together, things happen. Scary things.



The last few times I have been out, there has been yodelling and a conversation with a parrot who was definitely telling me to get my life together.

His name was George, by the way…

The last time I had alcohol was about two months ago. I was out with my darling friends and we had an amazing time, in a lot of ways. But I didn’t enjoy being drunk. In fact, I haven’t enjoyed it in a long time. I felt tired and depressed. It wasn’t really giving me that ‘buzz’ anymore. I tried having a couple of Redbulls, but that just made me wake up at five a.m. convinced that I was having a heart attack. I then cleaned the entire hotel room and jogged on the spot for twenty minutes.  



The next morning, I felt hungover and depressed. I had a three hundred kilometre drive ahead of me and I had a lot of time to think (and use my hand as a microphone as I sang along to the radio). I realised that I just didn’t want to drink anymore. It’s dangerous for me because of my epilepsy, and I don’t particularly enjoy it anymore. I’m also a fun-loving girl, who loves to laugh and abstinence from alcohol won’t change that. Erm, hopefully.  



Really though, I’m going to be a healthier and happier person who can still go out and have fun, minus the thumping hangover. I know some of you might suggest moderation but that word doesn’t exist in the Irish lexicon. I’m only kidding; the only reason I’m saying that I can do completely without alcohol is because I actually don’t particularly like the taste of it all that much. I’ve never drank it for its taste, it was always just for its effect. I’d much prefer a cola or a lemonade…aaaand, I’ve just become Grandma. 

I don’t want anyone to think I’m judging people who drink. Hey, up until a few months ago, they were considering renaming Jacob’s Creek to Jane’s Creek, which sounds vaguely sexual. Many people drink only small amounts and have a very healthy relationship with alcohol, and that’s wonderful. It’s not like I had become completely dependent on alcohol, but I didn’t like how I was associating it with being the necessary ingredient for a good time. Now, I’m just happy to spend time with my friends and family, and if Mam wants to bake me a cake, who am I to complain? 

So, it’s farewell for now alcohol. I’m sure we’ll meet again in the not-too-distant-future, when I get the urge to sing karaoke or watch The Bridges of Madison County. But right now, I’m content to be the boring friend who tells everyone in the pub about the history of linen.  


Hey! Remember that Cupid or Cats is a finalist in the Weblog Awards or “Bloggies” in the “Most Humour Weblog” category (go on, do the finger quotes, you know you want to). Voting closes on Sunday so it would be amazing if you could follow the link below and vote for me, it’s easy, I promise 🙂 To those of you who have already voted, thank you so much. It means a lot. And if you vote now, let me know so I can heap praise on you and worship you as a demigod. 

You can vote here:


*alcohol, obviously. Otherwise I’d be dead.


51 thoughts on “Why I Stopped Drinking*

  1. Jessie Reyna says:

    Totally understand! Since college, I’ve also found myself not enjoying it nearly as much. Occasionally, after a stressful day at work, I’ll have a glass of wine to loosen my nerves. By the way, I spent a weekend in Dublin a few years ago while studying abroad. Crazy time. I particularly loved Howth Head 🙂

    • janeybgood says:

      I have the odd glass of wine, but I’m finding myself more likely to enjoy a nice cup of tea now.
      Aw glad you liked Dublin. Us Irish do party like crazy but it’s just not sustainable, I’m burnt out at the age of 28 haha! Howth Head is beautiful 🙂

  2. The V-Pub says:

    Well, you can be our designated driver for now and remind us of all of the outrageous acts of delinquency we engaged in, but can’t remember. 😀 Besides, linen rocks! I’ve just voted for your blog, Janey. I hope that you win!

    • janeybgood says:

      Ha, I’m not the best driver so maybe I could offer bike rides?? Linen *does* rock ha! And thank you, I shall make a gold Rob statue and worship it or, failing that, send you nice thoughts. Really though, THANK YOU! 😀

      • The V-Pub says:

        A gold statue? Must I get in the thinker pose? Any thoughts of embroidered linen with owls on them? HMMMMMM? 😀 You’re welcome! When does the voting close?

      • janeybgood says:

        Haha, either the thinker pose or the Usain Bolt pose. Whichever you prefer 😀 Well that’s just the best kind of linen.
        It closes Sunday, and the results are the following Sunday 🙂

      • The V-Pub says:

        I like that! Perhaps I can figure out how to use a yo-yo while in the Usain pose. I bet it’s easy to do the ‘walking the dog’ yo-yo trick like that. Can we vote multiple times? 😀

      • janeybgood says:

        Haha, you do make me laugh! I’m hopeless with yo-yos, but if you have yo-yo skills then that is seriously cool!
        Unfortunately, every vote overwrites your previous vote so you can only vote once. Otherwise I’ve had hired a monkey to vote for me constantly haha!

    • janeybgood says:

      I just listened to it there. It’s like it’s begging me not to turn my back. And it also reminded me that I cannot dance without it…unless I can’t dance with it and it’s just an illusion?!
      Yes, the photo is…unsettling.

  3. dweezer19 says:

    Thats cool Janey. While “liquor is quicker” to a “good time”, sometimes the scenic route is a better choice. Lifting my glass of Jameson and Diet Coke to you girl! 😉

  4. jmlol says:

    I just lost my younger cousin to illness because she had alcoholic cirrhosis. I enjoy drinks (hell, I even got a bartenders license to make better drinks), but after this, I want nothing to do with the devils water.
    The devil and I have better things to do.

    • janeybgood says:

      I am so sorry to hear that. I have known so many people who have struggled with alcoholism, or who have had accidents associated with alcohol intake. Going out and drinking just for tedious.
      I am intrigued by your bartenders license though! Thanks for commenting!

  5. hugsxheart says:

    I really enjoyed reading your post and you should always do things that feels right for you 😉 I’m impressed! All the best and I voted for you! Good luck /Nad

  6. motherhendiaries says:

    Hey, I don’t see any changes in the future for you, my lovely, random Irish Twin! 🙂 Who needs drink to keep the party merry? But I will have to admit – when we do our Karaoke duet, I will probably have the tiniest bit of gin and tonic on my breath. With extra lime… 🙂 Just saying… xx Mother Hen
    *long silence followed by key change*
    Hwill halwayyyyys
    Hlove Hyouuuuuuuu-ooooo-ooooooo-IIIIIIII
    Hwill halwayyy-yyyyyy-yyyy-y-y-ys
    Hmy darling hyouuuu.
    Hi hwill halwayyyys…
    Hi hwill halwayyys…..
    (even without the drink!)

    • janeybgood says:

      Hahaha, oh Mother Hen, you never fail to make me laugh out loud! Yes, I think I will have to have just a little bit of wine before our duet, because it will just be that amazing. You also have no idea how much I love the fact that you put hs before every word there, just for added emphasis hahaha!
      Hand heverything hi would like to be
      Hi can fly higher than an heeeeeaaaagleeee
      Cuz hyoooou are the ha-wind beneath my ha-wiiiiiiiiings!

      • motherhendiaries says:

        Haaaa! That was HCLASSIC! :-))))) Love you, Janey – can’t wait for our karaoke moment!! xx MH (p.s. – this is a short reply because…. in the space between my comment and replying to this one…. I GOT A BUNNY!!!!!! He is gray and gorgeous and I’M IN HLOVE!)

      • janeybgood says:

        Aw I love you too! This is a beautiful moment *air grab, closes eyes*

        What did you call him? Is he little or big? And now I want one. This is how peer pressure works!

      • motherhendiaries says:

        I’m calling him thumper! He is solid gray, and a mini Lionhead… Prepare for the cutest post ever!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 *pupils dilating, eyes Filling with tears* He’s just so beautiful!

  7. amandalyle1986 says:

    (sorry if I have ever prank called any of you, but I really did care whether your refrigerator was running or not, honestly). <- So that was you, huh? HAHA.

    Love this post… could draw so many similarities, it's almost like we grew up in that same milk-maids-twirling-on-mountain-tops village. I used to make calls to my local Kiosk asking them if I could order milk straight from a cow's udder *Tumbleweed trundles by*

    • janeybgood says:

      Bahahaha! *takes notes* Genius, udder genius.
      In fairness, there was nothing else to really do except be a total nuisance. We also used to make collect calls to the U.S. That was really cruel; not only was someone getting prank called but they ended up having to pay for it. Whoops.

      • amandalyle1986 says:

        Haha! That’s so naughty! Tut tut…but that alcohol, it makes us do crazy ass things! 😦

        I was pretty sad they never walked the cow over to my place so I could have a freshly squeezed glass of milk! That’s poor costumer service, that is! :-/

      • janeybgood says:

        Tell me about it! I’m just glad I got it all out of my system now (at least, I hope I did).
        Haha, I’ve heard it’s not very nice straight from the udder so that’s probably a good thing…(just realised that we are talking about cows and udders and laughed out loud haha)

  8. jan says:

    I like to have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner but I hate being drunk. And a cup of tea is always a joy. A very brave post. Congrats!

  9. Cardinal Guzman says:

    You’re right: it’s not the same anymore. We used to go out, drink, fight and fuck, but over the years things have changed. I don’t mind that I never end up in fights anymore, but when I go out with friends these days it’s just drinking and talking… Where did the wild girls that wanted to have threesome’s go?!? (They probably grew up too).
    I’ve had my fair share of alcohol related injuries too. The worst one was a broken cranium from a fall on the ice – I don’t recommend it.

    • janeybgood says:

      Wow, you really had wild times. Although I think I did too, if I could remember them. The wild times were great, but I like the more chilled atmosphere now. I enjoy sitting in a pub with friends and good music that I can actually hear instead of it all being white noise.
      And I really don’t miss the injuries.
      There will probably be more debauchery ahead (I have a lot of hen/bachelorette parties to attend this year) but my body just doesn’t deal with alcohol the way it used to.

      A broken cranium?! OUCH.

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