Being Bob Newhart

Some of you might assume that if you were to meet me in real life I would be as friendly as a motherlovin’ seal.

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….Wait, wrong Seal…

To an extent, that’s true. Within a few minutes of meeting each other, who knows? We could be line dancing to Billy Ray Cyrus while eating fried shrimp (you’re right; that is weirdly specific for a spontaneous hypothetical situation…it’s almost like I’ve thought of us doing this before…). More than likely, however, I’ll be a little less Russell Brand and a bit more Bob Newhart.

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Remember this? My favourite Simpson’s moment because this is my life…

It’s not that I’m shy, it’s just that I’m…well, weird. I don’t need to go into that, you guys know the deal by now. I know how to function in everyday life, don’t get me wrong. I know that you probably shouldn’t fist bump a person the first time you meet them (although I would be totally okay if that replaced cheek kissing, because awkward). I also know that not everyone finds protracted conversations about owls interesting (whatever, Sally from accounts, pfft).
The thing is, when you’re a little, er, eccentric like myself, you need someone a little weird to bounce off.
When I meet someone who is just as “unique” as myself, it’s as magical as unicorn farts.

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When I meet a normal or serious person who doesn’t appreciate a good owl meme (or who doesn’t like dance-fighting and karaoke rap) I find conversation can be a little awkward. Something like this usually happens:

Normal person: Hi Jane.
Jane: Fine thanks.

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Wait, what?

Yes, this happens when I get awkward. I just can’t conversationalise…I can’t good talk…I can’t make mouth words…I… OH GODDAMMIT!

The more I try and force conversation, the worse I get. I end up saying the weirdest things. I just can’t shut up.

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Yep.

The worst instance of this was in a teaching job I had a few years back. My boss was a very serious lady, and while she was very nice, I found it nearly impossible to talk to her. One Monday morning, we were stuck awkwardly sitting beside each other in the staffroom when she initiated conversation:

Boss: Did you do anything this weekend?
Me: Not really. I mean, I didn’t do “nothing” just I didn’t… (all of a sudden brain Jane kicks in screaming at me: if you say you did nothing, she’ll think you’re lazy)… I actually went…diving. (Diving, Jane? WHAT THE EFF?) Er, driving. I meant driving. To the beach…sea…not into the sea. Haha. To the sea. (SHUT UP JANE, JUST SHUT UUUP!)
Boss: Er, right. Great.

So you see reader, life would be a lot easier if we were all weird. Or if we were all normal…but that would be boring.

What makes you awkward?

18 thoughts on “Being Bob Newhart

  1. weight2lose2013 says:

    Funny you should mention shrimp cocktail. I carry it frozen in my thermos everywhere I go. Just in case. I’m awkward when I try to be clever and go all Dennis Miller with some obscure comparison and everyone in the conversation goes silent.

  2. cheergerm says:

    If I am not ‘clicking’ with someone I have been known go in to comedic overdrive, turning into a pun cracking, hand waving, loud laughing lunatic. I am sure they walk away and think ‘what a dick’. Now I am older than I was, I don’t care. Take me or leave me. (Is that why I have no friends? Ha, just kidding.) Weird is good and I am sure we would be friends outside of the bubbleblogosphere.🙂

    • janeybgood says:

      This is exactly what I do! I’m sure it does come across as quite strange but hey, it’s not our fault we’re hilarious😀
      I’m sure we would be! All of us here would make quite the motley crew!

  3. motherhendiaries says:

    Girlfriend, I know without a shadow of a doubt that we could cost bump AND cheek kiss on our first meeting, and it would be totally cool. I’m a pro on both accounts, and you would be hard pressed to weird out on my abstract positivity. I’m like, Ohmigosh, why WOULDN’T you love me? I LOVE owls (for the record, we have a Little Owl living in our cherry tree – no kidding!!). You already are acquainted with my crazy inner comedienne (thanks for the shout out last week, by the way), plus we can so rock the Mic at karaoke. I fail to see any weird downside…

  4. NotAPunkRocker says:

    What makes me awkward? Just being me LOL. Plus I am likely to make random connections to things based on parts of conversations, so I look like I am not paying attention when it made sense in my head at least.

    • janeybgood says:

      My boyfriend gives out about me doing this all the time. I just randomly say stuff like “she was actually saying that yesterday” and when he asks “who’s she?” I’ll say “oh you know, Nancy, we were just talking about her” even though it could’ve been hours ago. But as long as it makes sense to us, eh?😀

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