My Awkward Moment of the Day

Even though my entire life is an exercise in awkwardness and social discomfort, there is a silver lining. Whenever I find myself thrust (sometimes literally…) into the middle of an embarrassing scenario, I think to myself “I can’t wait to blog about this.” So, you see, it’s not all bad.

Today I decided that I wanted, nay NEEDED, croissants in my life. Possibly chocolate filled, my inner fat kid mused…fattily. So I decided to drive (my inner fat kid doesn’t like when I walk) to the local shop. Since it’s a five minute drive through multiple speed bumps, I decided against wearing my seatbelt. I also wanted to air-guitar/air-drum my way through “In Bloom” by Nirvana and my seat belt restricts my mojo slightly. Okay, that’s stupid. You should ALWAYS wear a seatbelt. ALWAYS. And I always* do. Except today.

I drive to the shop. I buy croissants (not chocolate-filled, because diabetes) and I drive home, again sans seatbelt. My iPod is on shuffle. I’ve got pastry. Life is good….

IMG_4232.JPG
Source
If you’re offended by this, sorry. I’ll go pose with a leprechaun or something.

…Until I notice a Garda checkpoint directly in front of my house. For my dear foreign friends, a Garda checkpoint is basically a police blockade where they check things like tax, insurance, licence, NCT (the Irish equivalent of the MOT, basically that your car has been certified road-safe) and of course, that you are wearing your seat belt. It is enough to strike fear into any person’s heart, never mind a person who is eating a croissant, air-keyboarding (to The Doors, FYI) and definitely not wearing a seatbelt. Needless to say I panic slightly.

The male Garda** motions for me to stop. I’m in a state of panic. I have to indicate, I have to change gears, I have to roll down the window, I have to reach for my licence but most of all, I have to try to smoothly and subtly put on my seatbelt without him noticing, which is pretty much impossible since he has been maintaining ice-cold eye contact with me the entire time.

OHMYGODWHATIFHEPUTSMEINPRISONFOREVER.

Now I want you to picture this, reader. I want you to visualise this scenario because I promise you, you will have all the LOLs. And I won’t ever say that again.

I nervously pull over. I have four croissants on my lap (don’t be silly, there’ll not all for me. Jack will have one). One is in my mouth and I’m chewing furiously, frowning at the flaky pastry stuck to my chest. Dignity? Nope, never heard of it. I’m trying to veeerrrrry slowly put on my seatbelt while also reaching for my licence. I’m also rolling down the window. My iPod is still blaring out songs on shuffle, but I don’t think to turn the dial down, and also, I’m not an octopus (…yet, it depends how the surgery goes).

Are you with me, reader? Are you picturing all of this? A panicked girl with a seatbelt half on, half off, covered in pastry being approached by a very stern looking man? Okay, good.

Just as the guard gets to my window,
I’m about to explain that I only travelled to the local shop and that I’m sorry and he’s probably about to ask my for my licence. It could of all been very simple. A deserved slap on the wrist for me, a pretty forgettable encounter for him. But no. My life is never that simple.

Before either of us could utter a word, my iPod shuffle decides “hey, you know what would be hilarious? To play the most awkward and inappropriate song at the exact moment that you don’t want to hear it. Har hat har. I may be a robot but I’m hilarious.”

So just as both of us are about to speak, this song plays. I want you to picture the scenario. An already awkward encounter between two strangers, and before anyone speaks, this. Blaring through my stereo.

PLAY IT!

http://youtu.be/s7eTOnNBwYU

Reader,
I’m not sure if the thumbnail of this song is appearing or not but I think it’s more hilarious if it doesn’t. So, surprise!

There’s a moment where I have no reaction, but to just freeze. As the iconic intro begins, we both turn to each other and make the most awkward eye contact ever. Garda’s mouth twitches slightly. He’s going to laugh. He clears his throat.
I reach for the dial and manage to turn the song down just before the titular line is sung and I actually die of awkwardness.

“Am, you’re grand. You’re grand. Drive on there.” He motions me forward. I understand, Garda. Any extension of this encounter may result in us both dying from awkwardness. I complete the fifteen second drive to my door where I decide that this is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Ever.

*I may need to revise the definition of the word “always”
**Member of the Irish police force, An Garda Síochána

27 thoughts on “My Awkward Moment of the Day

    • janeybgood says:

      Thanks Amanda! From the safety of under my duvet, I concur. It was hilarious. It was my slow head turn towards him and that terrible yet brilliant moment our eyes met. Oh I’m reliving it, STOP BRAIN, just staaaap!

      • amandalyle1986 says:

        You couldn’t make it up, could you? A classic comedy moment…well, once the embarrassment wore off! At least you can laugh it off now (from the duvet you’re hiding under!)

  1. lizziearias says:

    Having trouble finding words because I’m still relishing the picture in my mind that is you panicking and crumily cringing as this song came on, although in my head I added a smouldering look that you gave the Garda while a flake of pastry clung to your chin and also the little jig (very low cardio, I can assure the fat kid) you danced while finishing off the croissants when you got home. Im sure you definitely made his day and gave him a story to tell.
    Blogging at its most glorious. Thankyou

    • janeybgood says:

      Haha, I like your version better! My friends always crack up at my awkward face; it’s a kind of wide-eyed shock that I can’t conceal.
      Hahaha, I’m now also realising how seductive the song is versus my decidedly not seductive appearance! Thanks for your comment🙂

  2. cheergerm says:

    This made me seriously Laugh Out Loud, I am grateful for your continuing awkward (an understatement in this case) moments. I was thinking you had tried to hand him one of those flaky croissants but thank God for Marvin Gaye. (You got off Scott free and didn’t have to share said pastry…a good day, yes indeedy.)

    • janeybgood says:

      That’s also a silver lining, I at least still had my pastry at the end. Hey, he was a cop, he could have confiscated it (hey-oh! Zing! Ba dum dum ding, etc). Just kidding to any cops reading this!

      May the awkwardness continue unabated! Thanks for reading🙂

  3. ifollowislands says:

    Oh. my. god. I’d be mortified!! But perhaps it has saved you from a fine for not wearing a seat belt. Love the gardai, they’re pretty relaxed most of the time. Oh, and I wish I could have been there to see both of your faces when the song came on!

    • janeybgood says:

      I’m getting used to these types of situations because I find myself in them pretty often. That doesn’t make them any less fun.
      At least I will always wear a seatbelt now.
      I just wish it had been recorded haha!

    • janeybgood says:

      Hahahaha, that’s so true! Although guards in Ireland are very laid back I have to say…except in this situation, I think it’s safe to say they would have been very freaked out.

  4. motherhendiaries says:

    This could only happen to you, Janey… only you!🙂 So funny!!! And yes… hawkwharrrrrddddd d. d.😀 Nothing this awesomely awkward has yet come my way. Maybe I need to eat more croissants. Inner fat girl would love them. Plus, she’s got a thing for men in uniform…

    • janeybgood says:

      I know MH, what’s up with my life?! Haha! I do love me some pastry, it’s my weakness. A Danish and a coffee and I’m in heaven.
      Ah yes, a uniform. What is it with uniforms? Although I must say, the Garda uniform is not very flattering haha!

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