LADS! I’m sorry I’ve been absent, but I had to do really important work for NASA, which is top secret, classified information and because I don’t want to compromise the safety of any of my lovely followers, I can’t discuss it further.
Any chance anyone actually believed that?
No? Oh fine.
Basically, I was in hospital. Then my cat (aka, my best friend and I don’t care if that’s sad. I’m sad) died. It was horrible. I also had an allergic reaction to some medication that made me look like the Michelin Man with a bad case of acne. So yes, last week SUCKED.
I looked like this for the entire week:
Basically me, but with slightly more plastic surgery
You guys know it’s not like me to disappear for an entire week. I’m like that younger sibling that just won’t stop poking you. POKE.
So you know I’m being honest when I say, this week was the worst week of my life.
Never one to dwell on negativity *cries into my popcorn*, here are some random things that happened to me this week:
I made friends with an old lady and then she said “we’ll never see each other again”. I thought I’d made a new BFF, but whatever.
My brother invited me to visit him in London so I’m going next week. I’m going to go all Joey Tribbiani and be super-tourist.
I got ma hurrr did (that’s me referencing Missy Elliott to try and gain brownie points with my hundreds of followers who are female, hairstyle loving, Missy Elliott fans).
Translation: I have a new hairstyle.
I had a dream that the New Horizons probe reached Pluto and then woke up disappointed when I realised it was a dream. So yes, even in my dreams, I’m a nerd.
I had an amazing sandwich and I’m unapologetic about how food-obsessed and pathetic that makes me look. Because…bacon.
I feel ya, brah.
I high fived a giraffe.
Shock twist: One of these is a lie.
I’m now going to reply to comments and catch up with you guys, and we can plait each other’s hair and stay up aaaaall night together, deal?