How to Escape Awkward Social Situations

We’ve all been there. You’re at a party. You get stuck talking to some dude or chick that you really don’t want to be with. It’s awkward, it’s unpleasant, it’s a seemingly never-ending encounter.

No more, my friend, no more.

Myself and Opinionated Duck were chatting away under one of my very mature posts about farting when suddenly we started talking about awkward social encounters, and we came up with some simple phrases to rid yourself of awkward company post-haste.

So without further ado:

janeybgood
June 19, 2014 at 8:06 pm Edit

“I’m sorry, I just remembered I have to go over there.”

OpD
June 19, 2014 at 8:09 pm Edit

“Is that seat empty?”

“Mine will be if you sit down.”

janeybgood
June 19, 2014 at 8:10 pm Edit

“Sometimes I form weird and inappropriate attachments to people I’ve just met.”

OpD
June 19, 2014 at 8:12 pm Edit

“I’m a female impersonator, what do you do?”

janeybgood
June 19, 2014 at 8:14 pm Edit

“A surprising amount of my roommates go missing.”

OpD
June 19, 2014 at 8:23 pm Edit

“Go on, ask me out.”

“Okay, get out.”

janeybgood
June 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm Edit

“I got you more wine. And I dropped a little surprise into it. Go on, guess what it is.”

OpD
June 19, 2014 at 8:27 pm Edit

“This is my house. Feel free to explore. Just, don’t, um, check under the bed…

janeybgood
June 19, 2014 at 8:29 pm Edit

“Doctors throw around a lot of words about my disease. Contagious, infectious, life-threatening…but I feel fine.”

And now some more, from me to you.

“They say ankle bracelets are hard to get off, but mine came off pretty easily.”

“That’s funny, my Mom said the exact same thing last night when she was bathing me.”

“Right now, I’m working on a campaign to have cat dressage recognised as an Olympic sport.”

“Well my civilian name is Jane, but I’d prefer if you call me ‘The Goblin'”.

“I just don’t get it. How can a man also be a bat?”

“You know, they say potatoes can’t feel anything, but you look them in the eye and say that.”

“Right now, I’m working on a novel about a serial killer that was never caught. Or as I like to call it, my autobiography.”

So now, you are equipped to escape any awkward social situation. Or get arrested. Whatever.

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21 thoughts on “How to Escape Awkward Social Situations

  1. motherhendiaries says:

    Bahaha! Try this one: You know, I killrd, plucked, eviscerated cooked and ate a chicken last week. He was REALLY getting on my nerves. Revenge was delicious.
    I wish that was a joke… Every word is true. Mother Hen

      • motherhendiaries says:

        Bahaha! ” Ever eviscerate a chicken? Many parts are edible… ” (OK now I’ve gone too far!) It was actually pretty gross. But it is a handy factoid to have under my feathers just in case that dude in line behind me at ASDA tries to put the moves on. What is it with creeps and supermarkets? I’m a married lady!!! AND a grandmother. Still, a Prevert magnet after all these years…

      • janeybgood says:

        I can’t say I have haha! It would make great small talk to any perverts. Just that sentence: “have you ever eviscerated a chicken?” Gold, MH, GOLD!

        You’re a beaut, that’s why! But I also get this. Apparently, I have a very approachable face. Not a very approachable fist though hahaha

  2. Running Betty says:

    Lol! I love this! You have some good ones! I like the one about ankle bracelets! 😉 I’ve actually used your first one, “I just remembered I have to go over there.” Many, many time! Then again, I’m a very socially awkward person, who could use some help in the creativity department! This post is actually very useful for me! Haha have a great weekend!

    • janeybgood says:

      I’m also socially awkward, unless I’m drunk, then I’m a hoot haha!

      Ah yes, the first one has also saved me. I may actually use some of these, I always end up talking to the weirdos. You’d think we’d get along swimmingly.

      Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend!

  3. cheergerm says:

    I could have done with a pocket full of confetti yesterday and any one of these ‘getaway lines’. My lifeline came a day too late…(shakes head sadly.) Bright side? Being the ‘nutter magnet’ that I am, these will come in handy for the future. Thanks Madame Cupidorcats. 🙂

    • janeybgood says:

      Ha, good to know. The confetti thing is great also 🙂 I am also a ‘nutter magnet’. What is it with us? Oh well, at least we can now escape such situations.

  4. OpD says:

    “Right now, I’m working on a novel about a serial killer that was never caught. Or as I like to call it, my autobiography.”

    Classic.

    You thought up some great ones ahaa.

  5. Wordifull Melanie says:

    oh my gosh! I so relate…i am a magnet for creeps and other assorted sundry weirdos… i always end up talking to them. LOL
    love ““Is that seat empty?”

    “Mine will be if you sit down.”

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