We’ve all been there. You’re at a party. You get stuck talking to some dude or chick that you really don’t want to be with. It’s awkward, it’s unpleasant, it’s a seemingly never-ending encounter.
No more, my friend, no more.
Myself and Opinionated Duck were chatting away under one of my very mature posts about farting when suddenly we started talking about awkward social encounters, and we came up with some simple phrases to rid yourself of awkward company post-haste.
So without further ado:
June 19, 2014 at 8:06 pm Edit
“I’m sorry, I just remembered I have to go over there.”
June 19, 2014 at 8:09 pm Edit
“Is that seat empty?”
“Mine will be if you sit down.”
June 19, 2014 at 8:10 pm Edit
“Sometimes I form weird and inappropriate attachments to people I’ve just met.”
June 19, 2014 at 8:12 pm Edit
“I’m a female impersonator, what do you do?”
June 19, 2014 at 8:14 pm Edit
“A surprising amount of my roommates go missing.”
June 19, 2014 at 8:23 pm Edit
“Go on, ask me out.”
“Okay, get out.”
June 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm Edit
“I got you more wine. And I dropped a little surprise into it. Go on, guess what it is.”
June 19, 2014 at 8:27 pm Edit
“This is my house. Feel free to explore. Just, don’t, um, check under the bed…”
June 19, 2014 at 8:29 pm Edit
“Doctors throw around a lot of words about my disease. Contagious, infectious, life-threatening…but I feel fine.”
And now some more, from me to you.
“They say ankle bracelets are hard to get off, but mine came off pretty easily.”
“That’s funny, my Mom said the exact same thing last night when she was bathing me.”
“Right now, I’m working on a campaign to have cat dressage recognised as an Olympic sport.”
“Well my civilian name is Jane, but I’d prefer if you call me ‘The Goblin'”.
“I just don’t get it. How can a man also be a bat?”
“You know, they say potatoes can’t feel anything, but you look them in the eye and say that.”
“Right now, I’m working on a novel about a serial killer that was never caught. Or as I like to call it, my autobiography.”
So now, you are equipped to escape any awkward social situation. Or get arrested. Whatever.