Weird Search Terms

Ding ding, we have a winner! The weirdest search engine phrase that has ever been used to find my blog is in and it’s a beauty:

How do I stop farting on Heinz Baked Beans?

I really hope this person found the answer to their frankly bewildering question when they visited my blog. If they did not, I will now answer this question as best I can. Firstly, perhaps you should stop farting on the beans and direct your blusters else where. Also, are you farting on the beans and then eating them? Because if so, ew that’s disgusting, and secondly, maybe the beans have something to do with your excessive flatulence?

I hope I have helped you in your search for an answer to this…problem, oh weird weird stranger of the internet.

38 thoughts on “Weird Search Terms

  1. PurplesShade says:

    LOL! Ooooh my.πŸ˜„
    I spilled my tea laughing so hard. (I don’t know why farting on beans is such a funny mental image, it just is. hehe)

    Factoid time!πŸ˜€
    Beans and other legumes require a certain bacterial profile in the stomach to more effectively break them down, which means if you don’t eat beans frequently, you are more likely to struggle with flatulence as a side effect. If you eat bean regularly however it is likely that your gut’s flora will adjust to accommodate and more readily break down the beans.

    To quote from webmd “Beans are rich in fiber and resistant starches oroligosaccharides. These carbohydrates cannot be digested by enzymes found in the gut alone, so they are broken down by a process called bacterial fermentation in the intestines. The majority of flatulence is a result of this bacterial fermentation”

    The better your intestinal flora is at breaking down bean-fiber & starches, the less flatulent they will make you.

    By the way, it also is true for other foods. Depending on the nature of your diet your bodies bacteria profile will change a bit. (simply due to what survives best on what foods, don’t eat a lot of something and you’re just not gonna provide the bacteria that thrive on it a means to live while you’re not eating it.)
    This is the reason why vegetarians who choose to reintroduce animal proteins, especially muscle fiber (meat) after a long time of not eating it, may well have digestional upset and/or be gassy.

    Hopefully that helps your mystery searcher.πŸ˜‰

    • janeybgood says:

      PurplesShade! I have missed all your wonderful factsπŸ™‚ I meant to include you in my Very Inspiring Blogger post, because your blog is amazing and your comments are always so thoughtful, insightful and full of effort which I really appreciate. I had such a list to compile, and I regret not including you so please accept my apologies, your blog and your quality as a blogger mean a lot to meπŸ™‚

      Now, to beans. So basically, they act as a kind of cleanser? I do like beans but I am afraid of their effects haha. What you have said does make sense though. I do love beans. I assume some people are more prone to this type of bean-induced flatulence than others? Ah, flatulence. I could talk about it all dayπŸ˜€

      • PurplesShade says:

        LOL! Oh goodness Jane, you flatter so. (And amuse even more. XD)
        My blogging is inconsistent so don’t worry, I totally understand getting left out of things, and I don’t, and you needn’t be sorry for it (Though that rather makes me feel special anyways)
        Doesn’t help that I do that lurking thing a lot too, where I just read but don’t make my presence known by liking. I am a creepy blog stalker! (Wait, isn’t that what blogs are for?πŸ˜„ )
        I was thinking, since I have a name for you – I feel I should give you, and so I will, a not super hidden secret: my name. Which is Ivy.πŸ˜‰
        So there you go, like a magical creature, now you have my name I can’t possibly leave forever. haha

        Onto beans. Mmm beans. — Well, I wouldn’t say cleanser, since it’s about how much nutrients you can get out of them, and the less you can the more they ferment and cause you to be gassy instead. I would say people’s bod’s just totally can’t totally handle them until learning their chemically mysterious ways, and if you can’t handle the beans they’ll try to get your intestines drunk, on flatulence. ;P lol
        The more you love(read: eat) beans, the less surprises they’ll give you… less surprise flatulence that is.

        Hmm, that’s a good question about who is more prone to it. I would think, that is possible, like that some people wouldn’t support a particular bacterial profile as well as some other people… but I would suspect that it would have less to do with the individual themselves and more to do with how many or few legumes they eat.
        We have a lot of soy in our products (I find a lot of salad dressings for instance have soy along with many processed foods) so most people do get at least small doses of at least a by product of a legume often.
        Someone who avoided all sorts of legumes though, would be more gassy just for having even less gut bacteria to break them down.
        I guess one way to describe it is, flatulence dependent upon familiarity?πŸ˜„

      • janeybgood says:

        Thank you for telling me your name, which is beautiful by the wayπŸ™‚ I love that name. Now if you do leave, I can do the whole Streetcar Named Desire thing and yell “IVVVVYYYY!”

        I always creep on people’s blogs too. I often read posts and ponder over then for a while. Sometimes I feel that I can’t exactly verbalise what I want to say, so I don’t say anything. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t think the post was amazing.

        Thanks for answering my queries! I’ve always wondered whether flatulence is a good sign or not (I’m actually smiling at this conversation haha, I’m so childish). My boyfriend always maintains that it’s a good sign of the gut, that things are in working order, so to speak. I’ve also wondered why men seem to pass a lot more gas than women.

        Ah, life’s important queries.

      • PurplesShade says:

        Ahaha – Well presumably I’d have less reasons to hide than Stella did.πŸ˜„
        That movie has now been added to my ‘I need to watch this list’. – Side note for old movies, in case you’re keen on them, I really enjoyed The Maltese Falcon.

        That! Yes, that is often my experience, I have all these emotions but I struggle to translate them into actual words. Visceral comprehension of a thing implies greater understanding and is more personal, but frequently harder to articulate.

        I adore queries.πŸ˜„
        Hmm… I think it really depends on the thing, as an overall I’d have to say I think flatulence implies that something is not being broken down as effectively as it could be. (So wishy-washy sorta implies not as good, but not being good doesn’t mean bad; if you know what I mean.)

        Potentially that might be for a few reasons, for a variation in fart-frequency between the sexes. But!
        The first thing we need to ask is, is it possible that it’s not accurate so say there is one?
        It is possible that we only *think* women are less gassy, when in reality, we are culturally trained to hide our gassiness much more? I think it is a distinct possibility.
        I mean sure you personally might be less gassy than your boyfriend, but maybe other men are too?πŸ˜„ We’d have to know the average for both genders.
        —Another option, which I actually like more as an explanation, is that women get more cultural encouragement than men to eat a less varied and/or gut-flora oriented diet.
        (Be honest how many little yogurts have you seen marketed towards men? Now how many towards women? Now remember that one aspect of the marketing it accurate, it does help gut flora – which is a unisex problem and having a healthy gut helps reduce gas and bloating for all genders.)
        Another possibility is that, while sexual-dimorphism is pretty limited, this may be a small example of it’s impacts, since women do statistically have slightly more acute taste-buds and noses, maybe that leads them to eat things which are slightly better for the stomach’s bacterial profile? (Does bacteria smell or taste good I wonder? I know yogurt and cheese do, so maybe!)

        They could totally be important. ;P I mean, if our stomachs are gonna be the route through which people try to get to our hearts, I think it’s totally practical for us to try to know lots about our stomachs. lol!

      • janeybgood says:

        Oh, I really want to see the Maltese Falcon. I remember reading about Mary Astor’s notorious diary a few years back. She was a very stylish lady.

        I really like your theories. It would make sense that we have been almost trained to hide the fact that we pass gas because of societal perceptions. I do think it has a lot to with diet and men do seem to eat more of the types of foods that cause flatulence. You have a great point about food that is better for the gut being marketed towards women; all these Yoghurts and probiotic drinks.

        Thanks for the explanation!

  2. reocochran says:

    I think that some people don’t know about Beano and other products. Hope they were able to make it through the internet and stop that gross behavior! (Also, hope they aren’t farting directly on their food! This was so funny, Jane!) Smiles, Robin

  3. Wordifull Melanie says:

    oh my goodness! LOL
    You caused me to go look at search times for mine…

    So the meanest:
    i hate melanie blackwell
    (should i cry?) LOL

    weirdest:
    i like your face i like your waist poetry 2014
    (OOOKKKK)

    one i feel really bad for:
    great anniversary gift
    (they had to be shocked when they read that poem)

    • janeybgood says:

      Mine are always, *always* about farting. Every. Single. Day. Haha!

      Okay, yours are hilarious. My, the “I hate Melanie Blackwell” one is a little strange. It wasn’t me, I don’t hate you. That just leaves 6,999,999,999 other people who could have searched for it ha. Probably don’t mean you though.

      You’ve never heard of the poem “I like your face I like your waist”. Okay, I jest. It doesn’t exist and WHAT?!

      They should be so privileged to look at your poetry Melanie!

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