Alcohol and medication are a dangerous mix

Man, my blog has been kinda depressing lately. You guys can’t see my jazz hands right now…(and if you can, get out of my garden)

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…so I will have to tell you guys a funny/embarrassing story to make up for all my gloom lately. And also, in the words of Homer Simpson:

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For those of you who didn’t read yesterday’s post (you better have a note from a parent/guardian), I am back on my meds for epilepsy. I’m okay with this now, but the first time I was put on my meds, I was much less accepting. I was in college, where the extent of my responsibility was remembering to change the batteries in the remote control (seriously, that was my designated household job).

My life consisted of trying to convince myself to go to lectures, and drinking. My friends and I had an excuse for everyday of the week: There was Monday Club, Let’s Get Tanked Tuesday, W**kered Wednesday, Let’s Get Tanked…Again Thursday, F*ck It, Let’s Do It Again Friday, and then somehow I managed a part time job at the weekend.

When I was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy (surprisingly not connected with my drinking), it was a massive inconvenience. I knew the partying would have to stop. I knew it, but it took a while to accept it.

It was the first month of me taking my meds and it happened to be the biggest and most drunken week of the year: RAG Week. In Irish universities, this is basically one crazy week of doing nothing but partying. Or, you know, another week in the life of a college student. Anyway, my friends were all attending a really cool party in a new club in the city, and I really wanted to go. If it was now, I would just go sober (I have realised that you can have lots of fun sober, namely insulting the crap out of people you don’t like without them noticing) but it was back when I was an immature party-obsessed lunatic. Glad that’s changed *awkward silence*

Anyway, I wasn’t sure if I could drink or not. My medication made me quite drowsy and I was imagining myself curled into a ball in some dark corner of a dingy club. So I did the incredibly mature thing and I rang my consultant neurologist. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Hi Mr. —, I’m just wondering if I can drink whilst on my meds.
Consultant: Well, a glass or two of wine wouldn’t do any harm, but-
Me: Excellent. Thanks!
Consultant: But Jane-

And of course, that was my cue to excitedly hang up and break out the peach schnapps.

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As we all excitedly got ready together,
knocking back shots of Mickey Finns, I didn’t feel much different to how I normally felt while drinking. Terrible balance and coordination? Check. Urge to sing karaoke? Check? Desire to tell everyone how I want to have a wolf pack? Check.

But after about an hour…that all changed. At first, I started to feel giddy. All of a sudden, everything was HILARIOUS. The pattern on my carpet, my best friend’s face, the word Rioja (okay, that’s legit funny).
By the time we got to our first pub, I was hyper. I mean, really really hyper.
I mean Ric Flair hyper

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All I wanted to do was dance. And not normal dance. Crazy dance. Robot, karate-Macarena (it’s a thing I invented) and garden sprinkler; they were all there. Here is basically my dancing face, except slightly less Asian:

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If you knew me in person, you’d know that none of this is particularly unusual for me when I’ve had a few drinks. But that wasn’t all that happened. Then I got really weird. Somehow, someway, I was convinced that the bouncer was my father. I was actually convinced that my dad was somehow moonlighting as club security. Imagine the bouncer’s surprise when I came bounding over for a hug. My friends tell me that I screeched “Daaaaaaad!” as I skipped towards him, but I’d like to forget that ever happened. What happened next is a little foggy, but I do remember telling him that I wouldn’t tell Mam, and that if he needed any help with rowdy clubbers, I had his back. I’ve always imagined some bewildered bouncer out there believes he has a long lost drunken daughter out there somewhere.

Next, I got the idea in to my head that all my friends, and the new friends we’d acquired that night, were all deserving of pizza or “pizza love” as I called it. So I silently took off to the pizzeria across the road and somehow managed to order three giant pepperoni pizzas. I brought them back through the back door of the club. I imagine me coming back to my friends like this:

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The madness doesn’t end there. I had made BFFs with a gay guy, and we decided it would just be hilarious to swap clothes. So he’s now wearing my short shorts and blouse and I’m wearing his over-sized David Hasselhoff tshirt and beanie hat. I really want to believe that there was surfer shorts, and to save my own embarrassment, let’s say there was.

Just to paint the scene for you, I arrived home to Jack that night (who had to study for an exam) in a trolley, wearing boy’s clothes. I may or may not have been holding a pizza box and been almost violently possessive over it.

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There is more to the saga of my fuzzy night, but for the sake of my dignity…oh who am I kidding? That’s long gone. Okay, for the sake of brevity, I’m going to stop now.

It’s funny how times change. Tonight, I’m watching a Neil deGrasse Tyson lecture while playing patty cake with my cat. I guess that’s what happens when you grow up. But if anyone ever wants to go on a pizza/tequila/trolley binge, I’m always game.

29 thoughts on “Alcohol and medication are a dangerous mix

  1. TheShitShowThatIsMyLife says:

    BUMMER. I feel you though. I recently had to accept getting back on meds I’m not allowed to drink on. Nothing happens during the drunk, but the side-effects are basically the worst hangover of your life, on top of the usual hangover I derive. It’s THE WORST.

    I’ve never been fucked up enough though to actually think someone was my dad. But when we get drunk and I see and old man hitting on anyone my age I always turn to someone and say, “that’s my dad” cause well, that’s funny.

    • janeybgood says:

      Sorry you’re also on meds. It is a major bummer. After that incident, they have made me sleepy more than anything.

      The ‘that’s my dad’ thing is brilliant. I am definitely going to steal that🙂

      • janeybgood says:

        I love naps too.

        It’s funny, my parents spilt up a few years ago and I wanted my dad to get back in the dating scene but then I realised it could be really, really weird. Especially cause he wears slippers almost all the time and smokes a pipe.

  2. cheergerm says:

    You will be this first person I call. (I once went a bit mad on the fizzy wine after major dental work when young and foolish. The results weren’t quite as wild as yours but needless to say, I learnt that alcohol and lingering pain numbing dental medication do not mix.)

  3. Sean Smithson says:

    Ah man, sorry that you have to go back on meds Janey. But for what it’s worth, this sounds like an awesome night. I’m more impressed by the pizza than the bouncer conversation or clothes swapping.

    I said it before and I’ll say it again, I think going out with you one night would be a lot of fun.

  4. motherhendiaries says:

    Girl…. don’t be rollin’ no dice on your brain,sista! (just thought I’d be throwing in some street speak to gain some cred and get down with you young’uns) You know how even an allergy tablet knocks me sideways – WITHOUT EXCESS DRINK! – Stop the madness, my sweet, mad girl. To quote E.T. (who, though hideously ugly and kinda creepy, made some good points. Even if you had to wait like AGES between said points – E.T. is like the slowest film EVER…) “Beeeeee gooooood”

  5. Trent Lewin says:

    Clothes swap with a gay guy, eh? I can honestly say that I have never done that. Well, glad you’re on the meds, Janey, you gotta take care of yourself, and the carefree days of yesterday, well, there’s other things to enjoy now.

  6. dweezer19 says:

    Wow Janey, Dan Ackroyd and Steven Martin, those “wild and crazy guuys” got nothing on you. It is always good when you can look back on those times and smile, wistfully, with semi warm remembrance, a few good laughs and relief that you moved forward. Unfortunately I have family members who just can’t seem to let their emotional maturity catch up with their bodies. They are suffering health wise. But I just added your info to my contact list under ‘I’ for Insaniac. For a trip down drunken lane call…..lol

    • janeybgood says:

      It’s important for me to realise that these days are in my past and that’s totally okay. That’s what makes those days so special; they were fleeting. No one could maintain that lifestyle forever. Ronnie Wood maybe, but he’s like a vampire or something haha!
      Someday all of us bloggers will have to
      get together and I will be leading the conga line😀

      • dweezer19 says:

        Oooohh…don’t forget my invite. I love a good no holds barred party now and again. I think it keeps us young to party crazy once in awhile. Near home. Where we can walk the distance. With a friend. Hair in a ponytail. No cameras allowed. Well, maybe a few holds barred….haha.

      • janeybgood says:

        And we should be allowed to wear snuggies. I love snuggies. You’ve reminded me of a friend I have, she is notorious for sticking a camera in your face at the most inappropriate times. I can’t deal with it!

      • janeybgood says:

        Oh, I love love love photography. One of my best friends is great with a camera, but she knows when to use it and when to put it away, like you said. This other friend is the sort that would pat your back while you’re throwing up and photograph you with the other. Not fun!

      • dweezer19 says:

        And then post it to facebook? ggggrrrrrr…… I worked with a girl who was awful. She once pulled out her cell phone to proudly show me her drunken photo of her bare chest as she sat on top of her boyfriend’s pickup truck. nuh uh…

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