It’s the day before Father’s Day. I’m standing in the kind of shop that the cast of Jersey Shore probably buy their makeup in (you know, nothing costs more than two bucks) and I’m starting to panic. In one hand, I’m holding a plastic pipe that looks like a prop for a sixth grade production of Sherlock Holmes. In my other hand, I’m holding a pair of child’s scissors because nothing says “Happy Father’s Day Dad” like a plastic pipe and a pair of scissors.
This is not the first time I have been in this position. Almost every year, I find myself in crisis mode in some random store, surrounded by cheap binoculars, second hand pen knives and fishing nets. And every year I find myself buying my father a present so craptacular that by now he must be questioning whether I’m just being really, really mean.
Let’s have a run through of the worst, shall we?
A mixed tape
Basically, I put Bruce Springsteen songs on a tape. Or what I thought was Bruce Spingsteen. It was Donny Osmond. I was nine. Shut up.
A packet of tobacco
Because nothing says “I love you Dad” like a packet of lung polluting tabaccy from your ten year old daughter. Different times people, different times.
A bamboo stick
I found what I thought was the coolest present ever.
I mean can you believe that someone just let a perfectly good bamboo stick lying around?
Yes, you read that right. I caught a trout, put it in a bowl and gave it to my dad. I called him Jammy. I don’t know if dad was freaked out, or proud.
And here are some of the best gifts I have given him:
A Shark DVD
A bowler hat
For his Charlie Chaplin impressions.
And I got myself a pair too. Don’t mess with me, I got mad skills.
Some people say that Rocky is based on my life. Some people would be me.
This is going to sound quite cheesy but
I am very proud of my ancestry and my family name. I wanted to keep my heritage with me for a long time so I decided to get a tattoo of our family motto on my wrist.
I wanted to show dad that some day my last name may change, but his name will be with me forever. I’m just that selfless. And badass.
So what about you? What gifts have you given for Father’s Day over the years?
In case you guys are wondering about my inspiration for this post, it came from the people over at Dollar Shave Club who are asking bloggers to write about their experience in giving or receiving Father’s Day gifts. I loved the idea and their viral video too so I was only too happy to participate 🙂