A present for you guys

So I wrote a rap to name check some of my favourite bloggers as a massive thank you to you all. I have provided you with a SICK beat to listen to so that you can actually rap along with this. Please, ignore the name of the song, I do not want to see your genitals.

So go on, press play, and proceed:

There once was a girl, we’ll call her Jane
She set up a blog, and its content’s insane
But she met some people who’ve made it so easy
So she wrote this rap to rival Jay-Z

She wants these guys to know one thing
That she once had a weird crush on sting
And also, she loves you all
Ok…that’s two things

First there’s Ben, who’s been here since the start
His blog is bitter
But he has a heart

Then there’s Trent, who’s so talented
And I can’t think of a word
To rhyme with talented
So I’ll just say that Trent is…really talented

Everyone say hi to Julie
I’mgonnagiveheranewnicknameforthepuposesofthisrhyme and call her “luley”
She’s one of the best
And her blog kicks more ass than chuck Norris’* (if he has a blog. He probably doesn’t…)

Then there’s Rob, who has a great name for rhyme (take note, Julie)
His blog is wonderful, all the time
Between weight loss tips and recipes
He showed me how to get guys drunk with ease (neat whiskey, I believe)

Lisa is one of my favourite chicks
I know you think the obvious word to use next would be d—
But get your mind outta the gutter
And check out this superstar of a blogger

Say hi to Z she’s one cool lady
She’s a teenage blogger with talent so crazy
She’s also as sweet as a bee
I’m actually allergic, but not to Z

Robin reminds me of my mom
Except she’s cooler than my mom
Now I feel bad for my mom
I’m going to stop rapping about my mom
Robin has the sweetest blog and it makes me smile
It’s a place I spend a while
Yes, that totally does make sense
Because it’s a rap, that’s the difference

Hacker, ninja, hooker, spy
This blogger is ill, she’s so fly!
You don’t need to go out foreign
To see a chick as hot as Aussa Loren(s). Ahem. (And in my case I do, because I live in Ireland.)

Helen likes wine and tea
But not together, is that just me?
She’s funny, she’s cute, she has blond hair
Her blog is great so head over there (but then come back because I’m not finished)

I can’t forget Sean cause he cracks me up
He’s reminds me of my guy friends that used to feel me up
His blog is great and he’s also cool
I can never read his stuff when I’m in school

There’s also Shit Show
Who speaks her mind
She is hilarious
Her blog is quite a find!
You’ll be hooked to her naughty anecdotes
And I really want to go drinking with her, like, TOTES!

The ‘S’ word also is a great blogger
Why don’t more words rhyme with blogger?
Anyway, she’s funny and talented in equal measure
Go check her out at your leisure (but really, do it now, she has good boobs. Apparently.)

Cheryl is a multitasker
What’s your favourite shark?
Mines a basker
Oh, is basking?
Well that just sucks
Because this rhyme now doesn’t work
Anyway, I love Cheryl to pieces
Not literally, cause that’s weird…Jesus

Minnie is as adorable as she is kind
Her blog really is one of a kind
Did I just rhyme kind with kind?
It’s my rap,so I’ll do what I want, kind

Running Betty likes to run
She also likes to blog, and it’s fun
I think that she’s one kick ass chick
And again, I’m not going to use the word d…

An upturned soul is classy and smart
So I hope she doesn’t mind being in my rap
I’ve also made a tenuous rhyme right there
But I wanted her to know that I care

Pouring my art out has the coolest name
And his blogging skills are so insane
He’s funny, he can draw and he looks like Jeffrey Lebowski
Oh crap, I’m never going to get a word to rhyme with Lebowski

The Hook sounds like a movie villain
But he’s actually really nice
He has a cool job where he meets some weirdos but I’m also weird and wait, I’ve always wanted to use the word kudos in a rap and it totally would have fitted in there…crap.
The Hook writes so hilariously
And I love his blog so *mumbles*

Mikey B runs a movie blog
It’s funny and clever and what rhymes with blog?
He’s an all round cool guy
and on a completely unrelated note,
Why can’t hens fly?

Melanie can rhyme a lot better than me
Check out her page and you will see
Her poems are amongst the best I’ve read
You won’t get her words out of your head
(Kind of like Vanilla Ice lyrics. But good.)

Speaking of poets, there’s too full to write
David Ellis, he’s the shite
Just to say, that’s a total compliment
And he deserves it, he’s a total talent

Ispontein is spontaneous
There’s a little inside all of us
His blog is clever and fun to read
Check him out and you’ll agree

I also cannot forget Whitney
She’s totally awkward, just like me
She makes me laugh with her awkward tales
Tales not tails cause what the hell?!

Finally, there’s Cats at the bar
Whose cats are adorable, they really are
I think he has about 18 cute cats
And cause he’s not a single lady
It’s not creepy

If I’ve left someone out
I’m awfully sorry
You can come over here
and scissor kick me

*for the purposes of the rap, just pronounce is nor-is-aaazzz. Go on. DO IT.