Tell me your best bad joke

Hey there lovelies πŸ˜€

I had a lovely time visiting home, even if I did get lured into a banjo duet with a questionable looking kid (this didn’t actually happen, I’m implying that the area I’m from is similar to the place portrayed in the movie Deliverance and if you didn’t get that, well, maybe I’m just not that funny *cries*).


I got to catch up with my lovely family, and even ate some Easter eggs (I’m writing this on a treadmill…okay, I’m writing this on my sofa while changing the channels with my foot, HAPPY NOW?!). Tomorrow, I’m going jogging. Or having a cardiac arrest. Only time will tell.

Anyway, I had such an amazing time with my family that I actually cried when I was leaving them. I curled up in my mother’s arms like a baby. A giant woman-baby. Well, that’s disturbing.

For the journey home, my mother amused me with terrible jokes. Here are some of her best:

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, idiot! BREATHE

Why do swallows fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.

What did the Lion King say to Simba when he was walking too slow?

These were so bad that I inevitably ended up laughing at my mother (especially because she thinks she’s HILARIOUS!) and I was cheered up in no time πŸ™‚

So, what’s your best bad joke? If you share it with me I will smile and I have a wonderfully creepy smile, so everyone wins. Tell me your bad jokes and I’ll have eater’s remorse while having nightmares about giant Easter eggs chasing me (I’m not even lying, that has happened). As Snoop Dogg would say, PEACE!


42 thoughts on “Tell me your best bad joke

  1. cheergerm says:

    Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in. (Boom tish…) I too have Easter Egg remorse, must exercise, must not open more Easter eggs….

  2. insanitybytes22 says:

    So glad you got to go home for a visit. How lovely!

    So, do you know the difference between boogers and broccoli?
    Kids won’t eat broccoli.

    Do you know why six hates seven?
    Because 7 ate 9.

  3. Wordifull Melanie says:

    The past, the present and the future walk into a bar…
    it was tense!

    Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Chalmette (or insert podunk town around you)?
    Yeah, anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush

    Why was the blonde’s belly button sore?
    Her boyfriend was blonde too

    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
    Fo Drizzle

    • janeybgood says:

      These are BRILLIANT! Especially the Snoop Dogg one, it is exactly the sort of joke I would tell.

      The toothbrush one is equally excellent. It’s strange because I was only reading about Chalmette yesterday πŸ™‚

  4. Lisa Macy Coaching says:

    There should be an “I love it” button! lol I laughed from start to finish! I soooo know what you mean about Deliverance……and in 2012 I went down a back road in West Virginia that scared the crap out of me and I did go down that road again while we were there. lol

    And your Mom sounds awesome! I hope you know how lucky you are! πŸ˜€

    As for bad jokes, I think your Mom and my brother could keep us entertained with bad jokes for hours! Here are a couple of his for you that are horrible, but he still made me laugh…..

    How do you catch a unique bird? U nique up on it

    How do you catch a tame bird? The tame way!

    Are those bad or what? lolol Thanks for the smiles as always! And watch out for giant Easter eggs! lol πŸ˜€

    • janeybgood says:

      Haha, thank you Lisa! I often think about those remote parts of the US (I’ve never been) and think about how much I would love to go, but I don’t think I can quite comprehend the size of these areas given that Ireland is tiny in comparison.
      My mother is amazing πŸ™‚ I adore her.
      I’ve a feeling I’ll be telling those jokes to my class on Monday haha!
      Thanks Lisa πŸ˜€

      • Lisa Macy Coaching says:

        You’re welcome! I’m sure the kids will groan at those jokes, but it’ll be worth it! hahaha

        Ireland may be tiny, but I still didn’t even get to see as much of the country as I’d have liked to in the 10 days we were there in 2004. It was awesome though! There are parts of the US that are pretty awesome and some that aren’t so much. ha I have loads of pictures of different places around the US if you ever want to see them at Since we travel all over the country for my hubby’s job we try and see everything we can on his day off. πŸ™‚

      • janeybgood says:

        Ooh, lovely. I’m definitely going to check this out. I love photography and I’ve always wanted to see America, this will be the next best thing πŸ™‚

  5. motherhendiaries says:

    This one comes courtesy of my eldest grandson…he’s 7, btw…. “Why did the loo (toilet) paper roll down the hill? …….TO GET TO THE BOTTOM!” *the crowd goes wild*

    P.S. I agree with Lisa Macy Coaching… you have an awesome mom! Plus, where I grew up,”Dueling Banjos” was our “Alma Mater”…..

    • motherhendiaries says:

      hang on… what happened to the rest of my comment? “Alma Mater” was our super corny school theme song… but it was way better played with banjos. Jeepers. That was the comic equivalent of sitting on a soft chocolate bar!

      • janeybgood says:

        Haha, your comments always make me laugh mother hen! Banjoes do make everything sound better. Also, hillbilly esque, but certainly better πŸ™‚

        I love that joke. In fact, my boyfriend will just adore it because for him, toilet humour is the best kind.

  6. eileen049 says:

    I don’t know too many jokes (good or bad). But I love the Deliverance reference. I’m originally from the state of Georgia in United States. The film was shot there. My husband and I often visit the gorge where a lot of the film was shot. He always hums the theme to the movie when we are there :). There is a funny bumper sticker that says, “I hear banjos, paddle faster.”

  7. weight2lose2013 says:

    This is an oldie, but…

    A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies. They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it’ll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150. The guy says, “We’ll ship her home.” The undertaker asks, “Are you sure? That’s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.”

    The guy says, “Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

    • janeybgood says:

      Hahaha thanks Rob! You know my mother tried telling me that but got the punch line all messed up. Nothing like a bit of dysfunctional marriage humour though πŸ˜€

  8. Trent Lewin says:

    I do not have a joke as bad as your moms’. I especially like the Lion King one, when my kids are old enough to watch that movie, I’m totally springing that joke on em.

    • janeybgood says:

      Maybe wait a little while after the film because if they’re anything like me, they’ll be traumatised. It still hurts.

      Or maybe the totally amazing Mufasa joke will cheer them up? Your call πŸ™‚

      • Big Blogger of Knowledge says:

        Haha, well, I’d better start paying more attention.

        You deserve another:

        A man walks up to a bar and takes a seat. To his left, there’s a tiny man on the bar playing an equally tiny piano. The man’s flabbergasted.

        “Wha? How is this possible?”

        Another man, seated in front of the tiny piano player, handed him a genie’s lamp. “Make a wish and rub the lamp.”

        Excited, he takes the lamp and says “I wish for a million bucks!” and rubs the lamp.

        Boom. A million rubber ducks fill the room. Confused, the man asks what happened. To which the other man said:

        “What. Do you think I wished for a 10 inch pianist?”

      • Julie the Workaholic says:

        Grey IS the new blonde…err…I mean, yes…Yes I am QUITE blonde, LOL…

        Two blondes walk into a bar. First one says to the second one, “Oh, you didn’t see it, either?”

        Rule of thumb for smart blondes: Use the dumb stereotype to your advantage. People will speak freely around you thinking you don’t “get” it. You learn cool sh*t that way. πŸ˜‰

  9. dweezer19 says:

    Hi Janey. So glad you had a wonderful time. Separations are the worst part of reunions. Bad joke? Well, I’ll give you my fvaorite joke ever instead and you can decide how bad it is. My youngest was in third grade, came hone one day and just said in a dry tone that he has now become so famous for,
    “Why was 6 afriad of 7?” I answered, “I don’t know. Why?” Without hesitation he blurted, ” Coz 7 8 9!”
    Wait for it….
    I still giggle every time I hear it. Its almost melodic. You know, it doesn’t really take much to amuse me….

    • janeybgood says:

      Sorry, this notification just came through with your other comment, darn wordpress!
      Aw, kid humour is the best kind πŸ™‚ that is adorable πŸ˜€ I laugh at my students constantly because, like you, I am amused incredibly easy.

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