Today, I really considered wearing a snuggie to school.
Mostly because I was cold and cranky but also because I forgot to do my washing and all I had left in my school wardrobe was what I call my mermaid skirt. My mermaid skirt is a knee length black skirt that is verrrry tight around my legs. When I walk whilst wearing it, I shuffle like a self conscious mermaid, hence the name “mermaid skirt”.
Given the fact the wearing a snuggie would prompt my students to assume I’ve had a nervous breakdown (which I’m sure won’t happen for at least five years), I had to go with my mermaid skirt.
BIG MISTAKE.
Firstly, I have to climb a flight of stairs to reach my staff room. Now, I once descended a mountain with a broken ankle, but this was a challenge.
Little did I know that the stairs would be the least of my problems.
At break, a football came towards me as I was doing yard duty. The students called towards me to kick it back.
“Go on miss!” the boys called in unison, as I realised that I could not actually extend my leg enough to kick the ball. Nor could I bend down to pick it up and throw it.
“Er, get it yourself lads,” I mumbled as I shimmied away.
Later in class, I had a similar conundrum. I dropped my whiteboard marker as I was explaining poetic devices. I do this often, and usually I bend down, pick it up and move on. Today, I just stared at it. When telekinesis didn’t work, I mumbled to a student up at the top of my class to pick it up for me. It was literally a foot away from where I stood.
After that class, I noticed a student skipping class in the hall. I was about twenty metres away from him.
“Hey! What are you doing?” The student froze on the spot. I took tiny, tiny steps towards him for what seemed like an eternity, all the time trying to maintain my I’m really mad at you, fear my wrath face. When I finally reached him about five minutes later, I forgot what I was going to say so I just sent him to class.
My skirt woes did not end there. I had a lot of copy books to bring to my car and one of the other teachers offered to carry them for me. As he helpfully loaded them into my car, we chit chatted about the day. As I opened the front door of my car, I realised that I could not get it without actually flopping in (like how I imagine a penguin jumps into water). So I just hung there, waiting for him to stop talking. And I waited. And waited. And then finally, he left.
As I launched my ass (literally) into my car and tried not to break my own ribs, I vowed to never, ever wear this skirt again. EVER. If I was Taylor Swift, I would be penning angry skirt breakup songs. Tomorrow, I’m going with the snuggie.
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CUPID OR CATS 
Love the image of you trying to get to that student taking tiny tiny steps, trying to look angry the whole time.
Yeah, it was torture. Awkward, awkward torture.
THIS IS SO CUTE! I never knew teachers could have these….clothing disagreements?!!!! I don’t know. But honestly, this was so cute. I laughed too much!!, 🙂 🙂
Ha, thanks! But yes, we are often just as awkward and self-conscious as our students 🙂
You’ve inspired me to write something about skirts now….watch out! And oh, am I going to mention this post!!! 🙂
It was just too cute.
Aw, thank you! I’m looking forward to reading it 🙂 I have a very tumultuous relationship with skirts.
I love the whale into the car move. I’ve been there. It’s not pretty. I own zero skirts and zero snuggies. Onesies though, I got um.
I am never wearing a skirt to work again. I love onesies. I have a Minnie Mouse one with ears. It is not sexy but it’s warm and fuzzy and I give negative fucks when I wear it.
Mine isn’t even warm and fuzzy, but it does say DTF on it and GTL.
Oh the Jersey Shore.
That is pretty great. I must up my onesie game.
Christmas gift. Just up your friends haha
Upon breaking up, I hope you told the wiggle skirt ‘It’s me, not you. I just need some alone time.’
I sure did. But it’s very clingy, I don’t think it quite got the message.
Haha I love the idea of you attempting telekinesis in the classroom!
Sadly, it didn’t work. Maybe someday though.
You know Janey, I’m trying to feel your pain here, I really am. There’s something prickling me at the back of my neck, like some kind of sympathy pang… but, well, no it’s gone. I give up, I don’t get it. Why wear something so uncomfortable??? But I did laugh at your predicaments, especially the marker. Wonder what the class was thinking at that.
I know. I often put style before comfort, which is just silly. I have a wardrobe full of impractical clothing. I need to go buy sweat pants and crocs.
My class know by this stage not to question me during my frequent weird moments. Every school has that one eccentric teacher that no one questions. That’s me.
I always loved those eccentric teachers.
I had two of them and they were both alcoholics so I’m just really hoping that doesn’t happen. I did drink some Coke in my class the other day and my students were pretty shocked. That’s almost the same.
Really? Coke the same as alcohol? What is the world coming to?
One actually said “miss, do you know what that stuff does to you?” I didn’t know whether to be impressed or not. I need my sugar fix.
I need my alcohol fix.
Aw man, this was hilarious to read. So sorry you had this bad wardrobe day. But, it made for an great story to tell.
Haha, thank you! Hopefully it won’t be happening again 🙂
I must confess, I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about women’s clothing recently, namely, the skirt, and besides having a certain sex appeal I couldn’t deduce what good it is for besides making it easier for women to keep their legs closed. Handicapped never came to mind.
I do like how you spent time thinking about female clothing. It is a very serious matter.
I would like to say that I’ll never wear a skirt again, I really would…but I know I will. I do like how feminine they are. But they are annoying. Feminine and annoying sums me up quite well actually. Dammit.
Haha! Never wore a skirt before — for obvious reasons. But I can imagine what it felt like, the limited movement it gave you. This reminds me of a shirt I once had. I bought the shirt because of its color and design not paying much attention that it wasn’t really my size. Two weeks after, I added weight. I wore it to a party. Guess what, it tore under my armpit region. That made it impossible for me to dance 😦 or move freely.
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Haha, I know your pain. It’s the worst when you’re at a party or with friends and you can’t have as much fun because of what you’re wearing. I forgot how restrictive clothing can actually be.
No problem 🙂 And yes, I’ll be back!
Poor thing, but hey think greater good and all…You made us laugh 🙂
I always love to hear that! 🙂
Janey you are too funny. Lol. I had a similar experience when I was teaching an adult optometric class, only I chose a black, polyester number that was shorter than should be allowed for teaching. It was okay when I stood still , but reaching to write in the board was a. Nightmare. And I never even thought about facing the class with the open fronted cheap desk they had provided. Yep. We choose, we suffer. Bet you’ll get up in the middle of the night to do laundry now! Nice story. 🙂
Haha, thanks for sharing. I don’t feel so bad now. I did once wear a dress that was a little short, but I think I’ve shared enough already 😀
I have all my laundry done now, I learned a valuable lesson haha. Thanks for your comment, I enjoyed your story!
I have done something like this before too! Looks like we’ve both learned a lesson! lol Thanks for the smile! 😀
And it’s an important less lol! Thanks for reading 🙂
Guess I did not learn my lesson yet. I have two tight pencil skirts (no stretch no slit). Same thing – I have to walk upstairs like a crab. When I got into big trouble with one of those skirts I already vowed several times not to wear them anymore. But I actually like the look and I kept wearing the skirts.
That’s the problem; they look so good! Haha, glad I’m not alone ✌️
This is a classic example why guys just stick to pants… 😉
I need to invest in more pants 😀