I think the time has come to share something with you all: *deep breath*
I’m a little weird. And I don’t mean ‘has to sleep on the right side of the bed’ kinda weird (that is true, FYI), I mean ‘bought a swing for my guinea pig’ kind of weird. Yeah. I did that.
It’s not like I’m currently throwing feral cats at children or anything but…well, I can’t think of a way to finish that sentence.
This brings me to the idea of a weird-off. I’m going to tell you all the weird things about me and you’re going to compare them with your weird things. And if you’re not weird, well I’m sorry, there’s nowhere for us to go from here. And get away from me with that dart and giant net.
1. I have seven pets. Not only that, but my niece downloaded a virtual pet on my phone and I couldn’t neglect it because I felt guilty. IT’S RUINING MY LIFE.
2. I get a little crazy when I’m driving. I’m usually the definition of calm, but I go all Danny Bonaduce on
everyone that’s not me
“You know who drives better than you? F**ING EVERYONE!”
“What? You wanna see my skeleton, is that it? DIM YOUR F**KING LIGHTS!”
3. I talk to myself.
“Whoa Jane, stop blowdrying your hair upside down. You look like Donna Summer. And you’re talking to yourself. Which is kinda crazy. Yet you’re still doing it. Does this mean I’m crazy? I don’t know. What are you asking me for? Okay, we’re both crazy.”
4. I talk to my cat. And my neighbour knows.
“Come on Billie (my cat). Come inside. Come on, it’s freezing. Oh don’t give me that, I’ll let you wear your jumper. Stop staring at me and get inside. You’re being manipulative. Oh hey, Mrs. O’ Brien. Aren’t cats a$$holes? Haha.”
5. Ronald McDonald terrifies me.
Just look at him there with the big murdery head on him.
6. I don’t trust men with big beards.
Just what are they hiding, hmm?
Hey, Santa, I’M ON TO YOU!
So come on, out-weird me brah.
What makes you
weird erm, quirky?