I’m sure there are plenty of eldest and middle children out there who will lament their position in their familial hierarchy but I refuse to accept that anyone has it as tough as the misfortunate being who will forever be known as ‘the baby’, AKA: The Youngest.
Here are ten reasons why being the youngest sucks:
1. You may have been an accident
My siblings informed me constantly that I was unplanned, unlike themselves, whom Mammy and Daddy were only too happy to welcome into the world. When I got to the age of sixteen, I jokingly asked my mother if I had been planned (of course, I had expected her to lovingly reassure me that yes, of course I had been) only for her to reply with a sentence that still haunts my nightmares:
‘Oh good God no!’
Before you put my mother into the same league as the following:
rest assured, she’s magnificent.
2. The lies that were fed to you by your siblings
I’ve already written a post on the constant fallacies thrust upon my naive and unsuspecting mind, but the best (or worst, depending on whether you’re sympathising with me or laughing at me) included the tale that I had been adopted from hardened criminals. As this tale became more sophisticated, the hardened criminals became Somalian Pirates and then evolved into a religious cult.
3. You were always ‘piggy’ in Piggy and the Middle
4. You were the target of your siblings’ arbitrary rules
“You know Jane, if anyone under the age of eight eats chocolate, THEY EXPLODE.”
“Of course you’ve to sit in the middle on car trips, you’re the youngest.”
“The youngest automatically gets less toys kid. Sorry, them’s the rules.”
5. You were sent to bed when cool stuff came on television
My brother loved wrestling, and so did I. The difference is that he was actually allowed to watch all of it when I was bungled off to bed the minute this guy came on:
To be fair, he is terrifying.
6. By the time you became a teenager, your parents were savvy to the wily ways of an adolescent
“Hey Mam, I’m just going to stay at Mary’s.”
“Yes, but you’re also going to change out of the clothes you’re currently wearing into something more revealing, sneak out of Mary’s to that party at the house of that boy you like and drink beer. Or at least you think you are.”
7. Your achievements meant less because your older siblings beat you to the punch
This was my mother when my brother graduated:
When I graduated:
Not a single tear was shed that day:
8. Your siblings eventually became protective
You might think that this must have felt nice. Maybe it was, except that when I got a boyfriend, they turned into this:
9. Being a victim of your siblings’ cruel games
“Hey Jane, go fetch me a drink. I’ll time you.”
“Hey Jane, I bet you can’t clean my room in less than an hour.”
“Hey Jane, take a bite out of this to see if it’s cooked.”
“Hey Jane, let’s play hide and seek. You go hide, I’ll come find you.”
(They never came to find me.)
10. Being constantly spoken down to because you’re the youngest
“Did you hear about the bomb blast in Kabul? *turns to me* that’s in Afghanistan, Jane.”
“Did you see they’re making a movie about Freddie Mercury? *turns to me* He was in a band called Queen Jane, before you were born.