10 Things NOT to do on a first date

1. Dress uncomfortably.

There is literally nothing worse than being more nervous than Woody Allen in a brothel and also feeling like your ribs are about to explode.

2. Discuss politics or religion.

Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one. And when it comes to these two contentious issues, it’s best to steer clear. Unless you’re an atheist and she’s a member of the Westboro Baptist Church; probably better that you discuss that little pickle pretty quickly before she’s protesting outside your house.

3. Go to a movie

I never understand why people choose to see movies on their first date. You can’t talk or even SEE your date. Recently, a friend of mine went on a first date with a guy to the cinema and when I asked what he looked like she said she didn’t know! He could’ve been Pee-wee Herman for crying out loud. (FYI, I don’t know where I get this stuff either.) Not to mention the conversation won’t exactly be flowing because, well, everyone will shush you.

4. Talk about an ex

So, your ex cheated on you? Broke your heart? Moved on with your sister? Trampled all over your heart, did he? Don’t moan about it on a date. That’s what Jerry Springer is for.

5. Play hard to get

Playing games is for kids. I really can’t stand when you hear people dish out advice like “treat her mean, keep her keen” or “play hard to get”. Treat me mean, get bruised testicles.

6. Have unrealistic expectations

I’m not saying that you should just settle for any ole Tom, Dick or Jamie O’ Brien, but more often than not we expect a date straight from the imaginings of Richard Curtis. Me and Jack’s first date was a walk. Yes, you read that right. We walked for miles, sometimes in the rain, and we talked and talked until it got dark. It was cheap and simple, but it was also romantic.

7. Expect him (or her) to pay

I have a big issue with girls who expect a guy to pay for a first date. I have talked to a lot of guys about this and the general consensus has been that they have no problem paying for a date, especially if they have invited the other person to a specific place, but it’s not cool when the other person doesn’t at least offer to pay their half.
You might be more old school and traditional than me, but I think it then sets a precedent for what is to follow. I’ve know plenty of girls who will play the ‘I’m a feminist’ card and demand equality, but would then expect a man to pay in full for a date. I have no issue with a man who would like to pay for a first date, but I would always offer to pay my way and I’d be only too happy too.

8. Spend more time checking Facebook than talking to your date.

Ugh. It is awful when you are trying to have a meaningful conversation with someone and you’re met with monosyllables. I don’t know how anyone would think that this is anything but ignorant. I would start discussing how I have a highly contagious virus and see how long they decide to remain unresponsive.

9. Arrange to meet other people without telling your date

The reason I’m including this is because I recently went on a big knees up with my old work mates. There was about fifteen of us and lets just say when we all get together it gets… Messy. About an hour into the tequila shots and terrible karaoke one of our group arrives with a guy we’ve never met. Turns out they’d been on a date and she’d decided that they should meet us instead of go on the dinner they’d booked. She told me that it took the awkwardness out of it. ‘You sure did’, I replied, ‘for YOU.’ The poor guy was confronted with fifteen drunken and inquisitive women and he was clearly uncomfortable from start to (very hazy) finish. We were kind to him, but there’s only so much “YOU SHOULD TRY ON MY LIPSTIIIICK” one man can take.
If you make a date with someone, keep it between both of you, unless you have actually planned on attending an event with friends together. It could be a great ice-breaker, or, you know, extremely awkward.

10. Overthink the end of the date

We’ve all been there. “Should I kiss him?” “Will he expect to be invited in?” “What if he leans in for a kiss and I dip my head the wrong way…” There’s just no point panicking about these things. These moments should just be organic. It’s best to just relax and see where the moment takes you both. You don’t have to do anything, there are no rules here (well, except respecting the wishes of the other person) so have fun!