1. Resent single people with their fancy one night stands and crippling self esteem issues.
2. Spend many pointless years trying to change your partner only to realise that they will never stop thinking sandals and socks are a good combination.
3. Not ever cook a decent meal for your other half because ‘reducing’ and ‘sautéeing’ are skills best left to Gordon Ramsay/Hannibal Lecter.
4. Freak out if your partner “series cheats” on you, i.e. they watch ahead on your favourite tv series that you ALWAYS watch together. My suggestion that it becomes a capital offense is still awaiting review.
5. Swear silent and deadly revenge for something your partner will forget in two hours but you will hold onto for eternity. Record over ‘Real Housewives’ will you?!
6. Zone out and dream about cats in bikinis on rollerblades when they talk about their stamp collection/train set.
7. Realise you’re wrong midway through an argument but keep arguing anyway.
Paris is definitely in Spain.
8. Never dance together in public. Because what’s worse than two left feet? Four left feet.
9. Call each other pet names like ‘cat crap breath’ and ‘mistake’. Aw.
10. Talk to your friends about your relationship problems but go completely insane if they say anything derogatory about your partner. That’s your future baby daddy yo.