What he says:
I totally know where we are. It’s cool.
What he means:
We’re hopelessly lost but I’d rather eat glue than ask for directions.
What he says:
The end of Marley and Me? Yeah, pretty sad…but I’m a guy, I don’t cry.
What he means:
Part of my soul died the day I saw that movie. Now please don’t ever bring it up again.
What he says:
I’d love to help you sweetheart, but I don’t know how to use the vacuum cleaner.
What he means:
Of course I know how to use the vacuum cleaner. I just don’t want to clean.
What he says:
You can have anything you want. It’s on me.
What he means:
As long as you order from the kid’s section and you share with me.
What he says:
Are you kidding? My Mother’s gonna love you.
What he means:
As long as you wear a purity ring, dress like a nun and answer every question with ‘yes, master.’
What he says:
I prefer when you don’t wear make-up.
What he means:
I don’t wanna wait for three hours while you’re getting ready.
What he says:
Sure, I’ll kill that spider for you. It’s only little.
What he means:
ohmygod, ohmygod, I’ve to go within a foot of a freakin’ spider! Where’s my can of deodorant and my lighter?
What he says:
I totally was not checking out that other girl’s boobs. I’ve only got eyes for you.
What he means:
That girl’s boobs were HUGE!
What he says:
What will I do when you go out with your girlfriends? Oh, probably just drink some beer and watch the game.
What he means:
I’m going to watch all the re-runs of ‘Sex and the City’ that I secretly TiVo’d.
What he says:
I don’t get scared at horror movies. That wasn’t bad.
What he means:
I’ll be hugging myself under my duvet all night in fear.
What he says:
I can totally bench like 200 lbs.
What he means:
If you divide it by ten.
What he says:
I never had a teddy bear. How lame.
What he means:
As long as she doesn’t talk to my Mom, she’ll never find out about Mr. Hugsalot.
What he says:
I’m not jealous.
What he means:
If he ever talks to you again, I will rip his head off and use it as a bowling ball.
What he says:
The last song I listened to? Um, probably something by Metallica.
What he means:
‘You Raise Me Up’ by Josh Groban.
What he says:
Of course I like your cat.
What he means:
It scares the crap out of me.
What he says:
Bradley Cooper is so lame.
What he means:
I wish I was Bradley Cooper.
What he says:
Of course I like your Mother.
What he means:
If I marry you, and you turn out like her, I will throw you off a bridge.
What he says:
Who’s going? Um, just a couple of the guys.
What he means:
And their single female friends but I’m too afraid to tell you.
What he says:
I had like, seventeen beers, and was totally fine.
What he means:
I had four beers and woke up with my tongue stuck to a pole.
What he says:
I can play lead guitar.
What he means:
I can play Kumbaya on the recorder.
You have a great sarcastic sense of humor! My husband always says, “I hate chick flicks. Rent something a guy would watch.” Translation: As soon as you leave, I’m putting on ‘City of Angels’ for the tenth time.
Thank you! Haha my boyfriend used to watch ‘Sex and the City’ and he also thinks I don’t know he reads my magazines.