Girlfriend Translator- What she’s really thinking!

What she says:

(When ordering food) No it’s okay, you go ahead. I’m not hungry.

What she means:

I’ll eat most of yours.

 What she says:

Marriage? Pfft, I’m totally non-conformist when it comes to societal expectations of romance.

What she means:                           

You better propose and it better involve Michael Buble.

What she says:

I like the scruffy look.    

 What she means:           

On Gerard Butler. Not you. You look like a Yeti.

What she says:

Reality TV is so shallow and contrived.

What she means:                           

I hope I remembered to TiVo ‘Real Housewives.’

What she says:

I’m such an animal lover.

What she means:

Buy me the new leather Marc Jacob’s please.

What she says:

Her hair is so fake.

What she means:

I’m threatened by her physical appearance.

 What she says:

I can’t. I have a headache.

What she means:           

I couldn’t be bothered.

What she says:

Your mother is coming? Wonderful.

What she means:                           

If she says anything mildly offensive, you’re sleeping on the couch.

What she says:

If you don’t know what you did, then I can’t help you.

What she means:   

I’m annoyed with you over something, but I can’t remember.

What she says:

I’m fine.

What she means:                                                                           

I expect you to grovel for my forgiveness without me explaining why I’m mad.

What she says:

I think it’d be nice if we had some “us” time.      

What she means:           

You are not going out with your single friend ‘crazy Pete’.

What she says:

I just don’t really fart.

What she means:                                                           

If you ever smelled the gas I produce, you’d dump me. Or die.

What she says:

Make-up? No, this is my natural look.

What she means:

I got up at 6 a.m. to apply my foundation with a trowel.

What she says:

Porn is disgusting.

What she means:                                                                            

You either watch it with me or not at all.

What she says:

I’m not drunk.

What she means:                                                            

Jgjdhfj\hajdashdgahgdjdnJDBABD

What she says:

Your friend Amanda seems nice.

What she means:                                            

Your friend Amanda is my mortal enemy.

What she says:

Oh, this dress? I don’t remember how much it cost.

What she means:

We need to re-mortgage the house.

What she says:                

I’m such a guy’s girl. I totally love beer.

What she means:            

Please don’t ask me to drink beer.

What she says:

I don’t want to talk about it.

What she means:                                            

I expect you to wrangle the details out of me through hours of feigned interest.

What she says:

My friend Brian is totally not interested in me.

What she means:            

Brian spends all his time looking at my breasts.

What she says:

I’m a really good cook.

What she means:

Hope you like cheese on toast.

What she says:

Thank you for fixing my car.

What she means:                                            

You hit the engine with a wrench five times and I’m afraid it’s going to explode.

What she says:

I don’t really have a massive appetite. I’m so dainty.

What she means:

I once entered a 20 oz steak-eating contest… and won.

2 thoughts on “Girlfriend Translator- What she’s really thinking!

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