Many people propagate the myth that being the youngest in a family has many benefits. Well, I am here to dispel that particular fallacy.
I love my older brother and sister, but man did they fill my head with a lot of crap. Here are some of the best things they convinced me were most definitely true and should never be questioned:
1. That there were pirates living in a hole in my back garden.
2. That you could get very very drunk on apple juice.
3. That riding on a roller coaster would bring me to another dimension (thanks a lot, ‘Dungeons and Dragons’).
4. That I was adopted from two criminals who were now in jail but would no doubt want me back when they were released.
5. That Tom Jones is black.
6. That inside every apple was a worm.
7. That Roald Dahl’s ‘The Witches’ was a true story and I would inevitably be turned in to a mouse at some point in my life.
8. That my toys came alive when I left the room.
9. That wrestling was real and that The Undertaker was coming for me.
10. That having £100 made you a millionaire. Maths was not my strong-suit.
11. That the next door neighbour was a practicing witch with a giant cauldron who liked to cook children.
12. That the other next door neighbour was a convicted child-killer. Her weapon of choice was a ten inch serrated knife apparently.
13. That before I was born my parents used to bring my siblings on a biannual trip to Disneyland.
14. That the tooth fairy actually knocked more teeth out of your mouth when it visited because it’s greedy like that.